I’d prefer the opposite

I’m posing the question of why we sometimes end up saying yes instead of no, or no instead of yes.

It’s related to fear, the root of a whole lotta life hassles.

You say yes to something you don’t want to do because you’re a people pleaser, you don’t want to disappoint the person and you want them to like.

You say no to something you want to do because you’re scared you won’t be good at it, it comes with uncertainty and you’re worried about what other people will think.

Or, perhaps you can’t relate as each decision you make is so in line with your core self that you know how to voice what it is you really want (or don’t want).

If you feel that you align with the former, all is not lost, your awareness means change is possible.

It’ll just take some practice.

What do you know about you?

I think it’s important to get to know yourself. Not just on a surface level but right down deep to the core.

Not just your likes and dislikes but your beliefs and why you do the things you do.

Something I’ve always focused on is behaviour. When you find yourself doing and saying things or feeling like you are making a choice to act a certain way, if you take a step back you might come to realise that you’ve just been falling into a familiar habit loop over and over again.

That you’ve become so accustomed to your past behaviour that you turn to it whenever similar situations occur without actually considering if it’s the best way to respond.

So next time you’re about to get riled up or raise your voice ask yourself ‘Is this something I want to do or am I just doing it because it’s familiar?’

The answer might surprise you.

Fictional risk

There’s a story many of us tell ourselves about what is risky. Often there is no real risk attached to the situation but the story comes from the part of the brain in charge of survival.

It’s like the siren goes off signalling a potential threat but it’s not much use when it happens in a situation like voicing your opinion in a group because you’re not going to die from saying what you think.

Being aware when the *survival brain* is signalling fictional risk gives you the opportunity to overcome situations where you feel anxious.

You might not believe it if you’re caught in feelings of anxiousness or you take your inner monologue as gospel but there are studies on it and for the least I can say it’s worked for me.

A little exercise that’ll be beneficial is to note down something that makes you anxious, the worst case outcome and how you can overcome that.

You might find that many of the worst case outcomes are you feeling bad and all you really have to do to overcome that is remind yourself that it’s okay and maybe try EFT to neutralise feelings of overwhelm.

A different kind of way

When you’re life is going down a certain path it’s easy to believe that you have no other options, that forward is the only direction you can travel.

Sometimes you know we can reverse but you get that ‘I’ve come come too far to turn back now’ feeling so you keep going in spite of how you truly feel.

Wherever you’re at in life and whatever challenges you may be facing , there is a different kind of way. One that is more helpful, enjoyable and inflow.

You don’t have to carry on living a joyless life or a life of limited joy just because that’s all you’ve experiences thus far

If you’re open to the possibility of something then it’s possible, that’s the belief I like to hold anyway.

Life isn’t as rigid as you might think. You can stop, reverse, turn around and turn left or right. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come or what other people will think

What matters is your experience and how you feel about it , within yourself.

Just because you’re used yo doing things one way, doesn’t mean you can’t do things a different way.

How to make more time

It’s as simple as assessing how you spend your time and prioritising what matters.

YouTube, twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Amazon prime or maybe even tv are all leeches of time. There’s nothing wrong with them in moderation but how many times have you opened Instagram and found yourself scrolling 30 minutes later with no real recollection of where the times gone.

It sucked away your time and you weren’t even conscious of it happening!

The 2 ways I make more time are
– dedicate a set amount of time each day or week for your project/thing and prioritise it.
– set a limit on how much time you spend watching shows or scrolling media then use all the other time for your project or thing.

Tada, there you have it, more time!

A lack of awareness

Sometimes the problem is not that their is no one like us but that we’re not aware.

Many of us will go around thinking ‘there is no one like me’ whilst hiding ourselves away from the world. If that’s what we’re all doing, how are we supposed to find each other.

With age you’ll find that there are others in your city, country, continent and across the earth that are like you in whatever way you feel you are different.

But you’ll never find them if you aren’t willing to show that part of yourself.

You might be scared but it’ll always be worth it in the long run.