Asking for what you want

I think that sometimes we’re afraid to ask for what we want because we’re afraid that we won’t get it.

And so, it seems easier to stay where we are and to stick with what we have right now than to seek more. If you don’t believe that you can have it then what’s the point?

But, I still think that it’s important to ask and to seek more. This is how you create the life that you want. If your expectations and ideas of what you can have and what is possible for your life are capped based what particular people will agree to, then you’re never going to have the life you want.

Just because one person says no, doesn’t mean you’ll never get a yes. It’s also important to remember that you might not even need anyone’s permission, you can decide what you want for yourself and then go for it.

Disagreements aren’t a bad thing

It seems sometimes that we shy away from being in conversation or an environment with people that we disagree with.

I’ve previously written that I think it’s worth unfollowing people on social media that you disagree with. The reason for this is that on social media it’s rare that people with differing opinions have a back and forth that benefits either of them.

However, I don’t think we should seek to create a life that is simply an echo chamber of our own thoughts and beliefs.

It’s a great thing to be able to engage with people that have different opinions to you. I think the problem arises when we forget that we have the option to accept someone else’s opinion and understand that they see things differently without having to prove your point or change someone’s mind.

Paying attention

It’s important to pay attention to when things change. Doing this avoids being in a situation where you’re pushing on towards something you may no longer be interested in.

And the more you keep going the further you’ll find yourself from where you’d probably rather be.

Sometimes the way it goes is that we simply just don’t realise in the moment when the change happens. However, things like a regular life audit, journaling or any other kind of reflection are all great tools to make you more aware of what’s happening and how you feel.

Letting things pile up

Little problems can suddenly become big problems.

It is so important to address things in the moment instead of brushing them off, waiting or saying nothing.

When you do this you’ll find that days, weeks or even months later you’re bringing stuff up that were (according to the other person) not an issue when they happened. And this can then make you seem disingenuous because you pretended that everything was okay instead of raising the issue in the moment.

I think it’s important to be clear about what you do and don’t accept. And then practice voicing that to the people around you so that they are aware of what you’re not okay with.

That way, you never have to let things pile up because that person is already aware. Sometimes we tell ourselves that by saying nothing we are avoiding confrontation or protecting the other persons feelings from getting hurt. However, more often than not we just end up causing ourselves more issues.

Getting what you want

As much as you may say you want certain things, you might not want them as much as you think you do.

For example, wanting a dog but not wanting the extra responsibility required. It could be wanting a promotion but not the mentoring and leadership you’ll be required to give to colleagues once you’re higher up in the company.

It can actually end up being for the best to not get what you want because when you get it you won’t really want it. Sometimes we only realise this in hindsight. However, I like to believe that is the reason why certain things just don’t work out.

It might be frustrating in the moment but you’ll be much better off getting what you want instead of getting what you think you want.

Outcome based actions

If you want someone to trust you then getting angry when they try to open up won’t help.

It is so important that what you do reflects the way you want things to turn out, otherwise what’s the point?

You can’t just go around doing whatever you want and expecting or hoping that everything will turn out your way.

You have to ensure that your actions are in line with your desired outcome. But you also have to remember that sometimes things just won’t quite turn out the way you want them to.

A healing place

There comes a time when you must come to a healing place.

Some say they feel connected and at peace by the ocean and for others it’s being among the plants and trees.

Life can be challenging, emotions can be draining.

It’s hard to go on with your normal day to day life when your troubles are weighing you down.

Maybe you don’t even realise you need a break, that your body and mind have had enough.

And then suddenly you find yourself called to a place that is peaceful and calm. Upon arrival, you relax your shoulders and audibly exhale. You had no idea how much you needed to be there.

Asking the right questions

Before you ask the question, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you want the answer to be.

Sometimes it goes as far as you formulating a question in order to hear a specific answer, like prasie or a compliment.

And sometimes it comes from a place of vanity but other times perhaps you need a little reassurance or a confidence boost.

Then there are other situations where we beat around the bush and ask questions that don’t quite get us the information we wanted. We’re indirect instead of direct. We do this from a place of fear.

When you’re scared to ask a question it’s much easier to ask around the question but the issue with this is that you end up unsatisfied.

The answer you get doesn’t satisfy you because you really wanted to ask about something else. You end up still having more to ask.

This is why it’s so important to ask the right questions.

Inconsiderate

Sometimes simply doing something for yourself is considered inconsiderate or even selfish. The idea of helping others is sometimes pushed so far that people expect you to do it at the expense of yourself.

And of course there are those that are willing to give the shirts off their own back but it should be a choice, not something you’ve been guilted into.

People might call you inconsiderate for choosing to prioritise yourself over them and it might hurt your feelings. It might hurt so much that you decide to keep putting other people first. But the other option is to accept that persons opinion and continue doing what is best for you because you matter too.

The importance of balance

Creating a sense of equilibrium, is important.

It’s not about everyone doing the same thing but instead about each person playing a role and having something to contribute.

But, often things end up out of balance. Perhaps, one person is over giving whilst another is putting in the bare minimum effort. Overall it may appear that things are still balanced, they aren’t.

If you’re giving 80% and getting back 30%, you’re now at 50% and probably feeling depleted. For the person giving 30% and getting 80%, their cup is now overflowing. That is not balanced.

I think it’s important to have an understanding of how much each person is willing to give to create understanding. Otherwise you’ll end up making assumptions and assuming the worst.