What happens when things don’t go as planned?

I think that many people would like to think that they are open to change.

Whether or not this is true can be easily tested. See how they react to things not going how they wanted.

It turns out many of us are actually only open to change within the parameters of getting some version of what we want.

We think this way because we think that we know what the best outcome is. To be open to anything else is the equivalent of wanting bad for yourself.

And that is okay, it’s rare that a person wants things to turn out badly.

But if you shift your mindset, things not going as planned can just be unexpected or challenging situations for you to work through, they don’t need to be bad or even good.

When you do this it makes it much easier to manage when things don’t go to plan.

Room to stretch

I think in life it’s important to have room to stretch.

I believe that experimenting and exploring are such a key part of life that without them your life becomes limited. It can be in small ways such as trying a new hairstyle or big ways like moving to another country for 6 months.

Sometimes, after a person has been limited for so long when they finally get room to stretch, they take it too far. They end up doing things that are risky and potentially unsafe. It’s like going straight for a back bend when you should have started with a lunge.

On the flipside, when you’re used to having space you’re much more considerate about how you choose to explore and much less likely to overdo it.

Lessons in solitude

In the company of one as in you, yourself and um you, there are many valuable lessons to learn.

It could be something as simple as seeing yourself as you are instead of through how you are in interactions with other people. You could learn that despite being agreeable and generally follow the lead of others when in groupn settings, you’re totally different in your own company.

Maybe you like to plan, organise and feel confident to take charge when it comes to solo adventures but struggle for that aspect of yourself to be at the forefront with others.

It could be because you’re used to not being listened to, your self-esteem is low or you have an issue with always putting other peoples wants before your own. But you’ll never see these things unless you make time for solitude.

If you’re always with others you might end up believing that you’re this laid back person who is happy with other people always making the decisions, meanwhile the truth is you’re actually afraid to speak up and say what you want.

But the great thing is once you realise these things you can change them. It might start with taking charge with group plans instead of waiting for someone else to or making a suggestion when you’d usually stay quiet.

Playing catch up

When you’ve fallen behind, it can be difficult to catch up. You find yourself having to work double or triple time to get back to where you want (or need) to be. You might even find yourself questioning whether it’s even worth it.

Maybe instead of potentially over-working yourself, you should simply go at your own pace. Slow down if you want to, stop if you need to.

If you’re catching up to something that you have to do, that you’re obligated to with consequences if you don’t get back on track, find a way to make it work. But if it’s something you’re doing for yourself, with no consequences, it’s probably not worth working yourself into the ground for.

Do less

Sometimes in life when you want things to pan out a certain way you end up putting in a grand effort hoping to increase your chances of an ideal outcome.

In some cases this might work but in other cases it doesn’t. And when things don’t work out you might find yourself frustrated wondering what you did wrong and what you should have done differently.

The answer is often much simpler than we anticipate. You don’t need to work yourself to the bone, having life turn out the way you want doesn’t require hard energy draining labour. Often all you need to do is set things up and allow them to fall into place.

Something to prove

Sometimes the only reason we choose to stick at something is because we have something to prove to ourselves.

From the outside it might seem as though we’re wasting time and money because the success isn’t coming. From the inside we’re just not willing to give up yet because we believe that somehow we can find a way to make things work.

People tend to make fun of or be critical of things people do when they don’t consider them to be successful or aren’t making money from it. But the thing you choose to stick at doesn’t have to be something you’re trying to earn a living from.

More importantly, if you have something to prove to yourself, don’t let other people get in the way of that.

All good things must come to an end

When you know that something is coming to an end it can be easy to lose momentum and to lose interest. It can feel pointless to muster vigour and enthusiasm when you know that in a few weeks everything will be over.

But all good things must come to an end, it’s something we’ve all learnt a long time ago. Knowing that the end is near shouldn’t stop you from giving your best and putting in effort. In fact maybe knowing that it’ll be over soon should encourage you to keep showing up and giving your best.

It isn’t worth pretending

When people have an expectation of who they think or want you to be, they have a difficult time I’m accepting when you become something else.

It could be a permanent thing or perhaps you are just going through a phase but either way who you become is your choice. I think we all need to have the space to explore and experiment in order to find ourselves and figure out the kind of person that we want to be.

Unfortunately, sometimes because of the people around you, you end up pushing self-exploration aside. Instead, you’re so focused on what other people think, people pleasing and wanting to feel accepted that you would rather pretend to be someone you’re not.

Being yourself doesn’t even feel like an option.

I think it’s important to remember that being accepted for the person you’re pretending to be isn’t true acceptance. Once you really take that in, you’ll end up realising that it isn’t worth pretending anymore. You may as well just be yourself.

From bad to worse

When your life isn’t exactly what one would describe as good, you may find that you’ve developed a fear of things going from bad to worse.

It is this fear that keeps you stuck, stagnant and stops you growing to potentially start living a life that is better than your current circumstances.

From the outside it might seem frustrating that you don’t take action but for you, the person that is experiencing the situation, doing nothing makes prefect sense.

But the problem with doing nothing is that things have no change of getting better.