How to overcome being ignored

Some things are worth waiting for but sometimes you’re better off just calling it quits and moving on to something else.

Just because you can wait, doesnt mean that you should.

What do you do when you’re speaking and nobody is listening?

Do you speak louder and hope that people start to pay attention, do you give up or do you find another way to overcome being ignored?

Being ignored is difficult. It can hurt your feelings, effect your self-esteem and lead you to feel frustrated.

If you’re already being ignored speaking louder might work but it might just lead to more of the same. Giving up sometimes feels like the best option, especially when you’re tired of trying to be heard. But when you decide to give up, the problem you were trying to speak up about still remains.

And then you have the last option, find another way. This might take more time and more effort but in the end it’ll be worth it. When you find a way to overcome a difficult situation it reminds you of your perseverance and ability to overcome challenges.

Letting things pile up

Little problems can suddenly become big problems.

It is so important to address things in the moment instead of brushing them off, waiting or saying nothing.

When you do this you’ll find that days, weeks or even months later you’re bringing stuff up that were (according to the other person) not an issue when they happened. And this can then make you seem disingenuous because you pretended that everything was okay instead of raising the issue in the moment.

I think it’s important to be clear about what you do and don’t accept. And then practice voicing that to the people around you so that they are aware of what you’re not okay with.

That way, you never have to let things pile up because that person is already aware. Sometimes we tell ourselves that by saying nothing we are avoiding confrontation or protecting the other persons feelings from getting hurt. However, more often than not we just end up causing ourselves more issues.

Using your voice and speaking your mind

And sometimes you realise that you’ve changed. Maybe few years ago or even just last year you’d have said nothing, said it was fine and pushed how you felt aside. You may have been upset, hurt or just frustrated but you were too afraid to show it for fear of your feelings being invalidated.

But now you’re different, you’re not waiting for someone else and you’re not relying on validation. It probably feels empowering because after all this time you’re finally using your voice and speaking your mind.

For everyone else in your life, this may come as a shock because they’re so used to you hiding away and being okay with everything. The shock of others can be enough for some to revert to their old ways, especially if there is a fear of losing people. However, speaking your mind is important, you don’t need to be in a constant state of ‘good’, ‘fine’, ‘not too bad’ or ‘alright’.

Maybe you’re not alright and of course you’ll feel better later but why not honour how you feel in the moment and express it.

Say it now

If something is bothering you, don’t ignore it. Say it now.

Of course there may be times when you need to process and check in with yourself to ensure you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill but that won’t always be necessary.

Often, the reason we ignore things and don’t speak up in the moment is because we don’t want to rock the boat, we’re afraid of what the outcome will be, we’re worried about coming across as confrontational and sometimes we fear we’ll be dismissed.

It sometimes feels easier to say nothing and push the feeling aside. But then time goes by and that feeling grows and often ends up bothering you more than it did initially.

Putting things off also tends to cause anxiety and tension in your body as you’re quite literally holding onto you’re words.

And when you finally do decide to say something you’re reaction is totally out of proportion.

There’s not much use in putting it off, you might as well just say it now and get it over with.

Start valuing your voice

The way that you show up in the world is likely to be imapcted by your confidence and self esteem.

Perhaps you play small and avoid doing things that will draw any attention even though you have ideas and opinions to share.

But the reason you don’t share your ideas is because you don’t value your voice and you don’t believe that anyone else will either. You tell yourself speaking up is for other people.

It’s for people that are better than you. They’re better because they’re older, more experienced, more confident, have higher qualifications, are better dressed and have nicer hair. Sometimes our reasoning makes sense and other times we make excuses.

And so next time you want to say or do something, go ahead even if it feels a little uncomfortable. You don’t need to be ‘better’ than everyone else, you don’t need to be older or more experienced either. All you have to do is say something.

The inconvenience of a tennis ball

When something is on your mind and you choose not to say it, the result is often unideal.

Let’s think of the thing you choose to hold in as a tennis ball. If you say it, you can drop the ball but if you don’t say it, you have to carry the ball around with you.

At first, it doesn’t really bother you because a tennis ball isn’t particularly big and you can carry it in one hand with no issue.

But after a few hours, days or weeks it starts to become an inconvenience.

We sometimes kid ourselves that things don’t bother us but then a few weeks later it’s still on our mind, the tennis ball is still in your hand.

And like with the tennis ball concept, we end up telling ourselves that it doesn’t matter because it’s small or easy to carry. But if you apply this mentality, you’ll find yourself carrying several tennis balls.

The point is that you don’t have to.

When you allow yourself to hold on to lots of little things, they eventually become a great burden instead of a potentially short conversation that you can move on from.

Here’s an idea

I’ve been thinking about trying something new.

The idea of a podcast appeals to me for various reasons, one of which is that it’ll help me to use my voice more and give me a space to speak about things I don’t usually talk about.

And it reminds me about why I started blogging in the first place. Writing about things that matter to me and being able to express myself through written words is important to me but being able to do that using my voice is even better.

I don’t know what kind of podcast I’d create or if it’s something I’d want to do alone or with guests.

Right now it’s just an idea but maybe one day I’ll bring it to life.

 

If you haven’t got anything ‘good’ to say…

…say something better tomorrow.

Not everything you say will be good, perfect or profound. But that doesn’t mean you should say nothing.

So often we bite our tongue because we don’t don’t think that what we have to say is enough of whatever we think it needs to be. Next time you’re about to keep quiet, I dare you to say something.

Your voice is important. 

How will you ever get better if you’re too afraid to use it?