Sometimes we hold back from saying kind words.
We hold back from giving compliments about peoples appearances, actions or how they made us feel.
It’s not out of malice instead it comes from a place of fear.
We end up being worried about things like how our words will be perceived, if we’ll come across too eager and if the person will think we like them romantically when we want to keep things platonic. But a compliment doesn’t need to mean the world, it can simply be said as an observation from your perspective.
Don’t allow your fear of people’s perceptions to stop you saying kind words.
We might not like them but we have to have them.
We put off difficult conversations because they make us nervous.
We’re worried about how our words will come out, how our words will be perceived, how the person on the receiving end will feel, we’re scared of being vulnerable and we worry that we might regret it.
The list goes on.
Unfortunately, no matter how you might feel, the conversation still needs to be had. You can have it now or you can have it later.
As much as it is difficult it is also important. I think that’s the bit worth focusing on and is much more of an incentive to get yourself talking. Don’t focus on the nerves or hoping you can control how the other person will react. Just remind yourself that the conversation is important and worth having.
Sometimes difficult things are only difficult because we choose to perceive them to be.
But if it works one way then maybe it can work the other way.
Maybe, difficult things will become a little less challenging if we choose to perceive them to be easier to overcome.
The idea of something is often much more appealing than the reality.
When you get caught up in a daydream about life, you’re in control you can make it whatever you want it to be.
You can come up with an idea that is totally impossible in the real world but plays out with ease in your mind.
But when reality strikes, when the thing you’ve been thinking about finally happens, it’s always very different.
It could be owning a designer bag.
You have this idea in your mind that you’ll be happier, that it will grant you some sort of status and that you’ll be more confident.
The reality is that you’re exactly the same, you just have a bag that was super expensive.
We create this fantasy that can only ever exist in our minds which often leads to us just feeling disappointed.
For many people, how they value themselves comes from other people.
This can be great when people are treating you well but when not so much when you’re treated poorly. You go from feeling good about yourself to not feeling good enough and because you’ve become reliant on other people to determine your value.
It may even get to the point where you almost feel lost and are unable to truly establish how you feel about yourself without it coming from other people. And so, you feel down and worthless whilst also blaming other people for how you feel.
I think that stage of blaming others continues until you’re able to realise that nobody else should be in control of how you feel about yourself. That’s not a solid foundation.
Robin Hood is infamously known as the one who ‘steals from the rich to give to the poor.’
He is an interesting character because he forces us to see things from a different point of view.
If asked, we would probably all say that stealing is wrong but would consider it less wrong if it was for the sake of those less fortunate.
And so we don’t consider Robin Hood to be a ‘bad person’. He’s someone who does a bad thing thing for a good reason.
What would happen if we extended that level of awareness to people in real life, not to accept or encourage ‘bad’ behaviour but to simply acknowledge that we understand.
One of the mistakes we often make is thinking that there is only one solution to every problem. And so, when the way a person chooses to solve a problem does not match up with what we believe the solution to be we can end up being critical and telling them they are wrong.
In these cases, what we are actually doing is forcing our beliefs, opinions and perceptions onto other people. The reality more often than not is that you and this person perceive things differently, it’s not that anyone is wrong or right.
I think that this is something worth remembering. A lot of people find it so easy to be critical of others and tell them what they should or shouldn’t have done.
But the truth is, it’s simply a matter of perception.
How you view yourself impacts how you act. How you act, influences how you are perceived.
If you don’t think much of yourself, it’ll show up in your posture the way you speak and the kinds of things that you say.
And in turn you may be perceived as quiet, shy, uninterested, someone who doesn’t care. But maybe you have low self-esteem and maybe nobody taught you to think good of yourself.
Perhaps, even though you haven’t yet learnt how to say it or even show it, you actually care quite a lot.
If you had to leave your home and could only take 10 things with you, what would you take?
Turns out the things we value in our day to day lives aren’t the same things we value in an emergency.
In our day to day life we’re more materialistic, we care more about perception. It’s not that we don’t value the things we need to survive but that they are a given rather than something we need to think about.
In an emergency we place value on safety and survival. There’s not much point valuing your green faux croc handbag when you are without food and water.
And sometimes people choose to live their day to day lives valuing only the essentials even when they don’t have to.
…but it’s worth it.
In a recent post I shared some thoughts about quitting daily blogging and I laid out some plans for what I would do moving forward.
At the time I thought it was a good idea and I thought that it would make things easier.
But in the weeks that followed I really started to enjoy daily blogging again. The writing process had become less difficult than it had been at the weeks prior.
Now, looking back I realise that the changes I planned to make wouldn’t have made things easier, they’d have remained pretty much the same. I’d have gone from posting short blog posts daily to posting slightly longer posts a few times a week. As much as daily blogging doesn’t always feel easy there is something quite special about making a commitment to posting everyday.
There is something special about the way I choose to see the world because I know I have to write something, even if it’s only 167 words.