Even if it all falls apart

I hold the belief that even if it all falls apart, everything will always be okay.

Which means that I often don’t give things as much effort as I could or should because I’m aware that everything will be okay, no matter the outcome.

When we take advantage of our circumstances life has this way of reminding us that we should make time for gratitude.

It might come in the form of something ‘going wrong’ or having to deal with an un-ideal circumstance. It’s in those moments that we can end up getting frustrated at life for dealing us such a poor hand or we can use it as a growth point.

I’m currently experiencing…

It’s difficult because…

It is teaching me…

Moving forward I will…

 

A writers confidence

My writing habit was born from journaling which explains why I write with such confidence.

I’m used to writing about my thoughts on life and things I’ve experienced, in fact I’m incredibly comfortable doing it.

Granted a blog is more open than a journal but the practice is the same.

It’s been more than a decade and since I first started journaling and more than 7 years since I started my first blog.

And looking back over 10 years, my writing has improved so much. I can’t promise I’m the best at it but I’m confident that I’m better than I used to be.

Best of all, it’s something I love to do.

From beginning to end (plus my favourite albums)

Music has played a significant part in my life from a young age. 90s and early 00s music brings back memories of childhood, growing up and my sisters.

But it’s only in the past couple of years that I’ve started listening to albums from beginning to end. Nothing compares to falling in love with an album that you can play without skipping a track. I think it’s quite amazing the way that songs can tell stories. The way it feels to hear the opening track and the way the closing track is sometimes upbeat but sometimes soft and slow.

I wanted to share a few albums that I happily listen to from beginning to end, feel free to share the albums you like in the comments.

Girlhood – The Preatures 
Up for the downstroke – Parliament
Heard you missed me, well I’m back – sly and the family stone 
Care for me – Saba 
an XTRA UUGLY Mixtape – Duckwrth 
America eats it’s young – Funkadelic 
Dirty Computer – Janelle Monáe 
Isolation – kali uchis 
In a million years – Last dinosaurs

Always a dreamer

I think I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer but also someone who can spend long amounts of time in their own thoughts and their own company.

I did that so freely as a child and it’s only really as I got older that it felt like it became an issue. I fell into trying to be someone outside of who I am and other people would comment negatively on me simply being myself.

As much as I can be so many different things, the part of me that just likes to sit and get lost in creating always remains.

Fear of the new

Just stick with what you know and don’t explore anything new.

That is the voice of my anxious self which sometimes dominates as my inner monologue.

I’ve learnt to not listen to that terrible advice anymore because when I did, I was miserable. It’s quite fascinating when the thing that you feel you need to do in order to feel ‘safe’ also causes you a lot of problems.

I remember thinking how strange it was that despite doing everything ‘right’ things weren’t going so well.

Then I discovered the thought/idea that I could change myself internally which would ripple outwards and cause my life to change. I remember thinking that it must have been a sort of magic that that was possible and sometimes I still refer to it in that way for fun but also because I don’t actually have a strong knowledge of how the mind or neurology (along with all the other ologies) work so it may as well be magic.

Fear of the new is something that still effects the way I live but it’s different now. I don’t give the voice of my anxieties centre stage as often and I practise little methods that work for me.

It’s like feel the fear and do it anyway for people that fear the little things.

Monday night was special

There I stood on a Monday night in a room full of strangers, in a city that was slowly becoming more and more familiar.

I was there to do something I never thought I’d get to do. I never thought there was a chance that my favourite singer from New Zealand who now lives in New York would ever come to England.

But she did and so the day the tickets went on sale I bought one.

That was over 6 months ago.

And on Monday night I finally got to see her live.

Her voice was beautiful, she was beautiful and it felt special being there as she performed songs about love, war and death.

The same songs that I had listened to on buses, trains and walks.

The songs that picked me up and songs that I sat with when I felt down and needed comfort.

Her show ended with an old favourite and the crowd clapped and sang along.

I left full of gratitude for the art that was shared that night and that good feeling that comes from hearing the songs you love.

 

45 Minute friendship

So there we were 2 strangers on the train sitting in first class. The train had come to a standstill as there were some issues at the train ahead.

We heard a voice over the loudspeaker suggesting that depending on our destination we should either get off the current train and travel via a different route or get the bus.

Based on where I was headed the bus was my only option and as people started to leave the train I began talking to a stranger who looked just as inconvenienced as I felt.

So we got chatting, left the train and got the bus together as we were heading in the same location.

Even though we’d just met, there was a level of comfort/familiarity as though we weren’t strangers, as if we were already friends.

Our conversation was pretty open but we were by no means BFFs, we were instead 2 strangers caught in an inconvenient situation who perhaps both thought that it might be easier to have someone else to get through it with.

We reached the point of parting around 45 minutes after we met and just like that the friendship was over.