Saying no to what you don’t want

For some of us saying no is a difficult lesson. Perhaps, to ease yourself into it you start with giving out maybe's because they feel softer than no. However, the problem with maybe is that it isn't very clear and it can still end up becoming a yes. One of my teachers Maryam Hasnaa once … Continue reading Saying no to what you don’t want →

Why you might be overexplaining yourself and why you should stop?

When you overexplain, it's you trying to accommodate other people by justifying yourself and your choices to them. It signals that you're seeking some level of external approval or permission that you're not able to give yourself. You might be over-explaining because you have people pleaser tendencies and you're worried that the other person might … Continue reading Why you might be overexplaining yourself and why you should stop? →

Setting boundaries badly

I think a big reason why we sometimes avoid setting boundaries is because we think don't know how to do it. However, it turns out the setting boundaries is like everything else, getting good takes practice. And so like Zig Ziglar said 'anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do … Continue reading Setting boundaries badly →

Change the way you respond

If something happens and your feelings get hurt or you don't like the way that someone has treated you, it's important to do something about it. It's easy to get into the habit of sheepishly speaking up then cowering and retreating when the other person shuts you down. When this happens, the other person learns … Continue reading Change the way you respond →

What’s best for you?

Sometimes when it comes to doing what's best for you, you don't consider yourself to be important. And so, instead of making a decision based on what's best for you and your wellbeing you put other people first. You make choices based on people pleasing and fear of letting people down or having them be … Continue reading What’s best for you? →

Knowing when to be open

There is a time to be open and there is a time to be less open. It's important to choose wisely. Being open with people can be a great way to create understanding and build a connection. But it should also be appropriate to the situation. The openness required to create understanding with a romantic … Continue reading Knowing when to be open →

Overstepping boundaries

I wrote about boundaries in a recent post but upon reflection I had more to add. Sometimes even when you are aware of a persons boundaries and you know it has nothing to do with you, you still try to overstep the mark. A person will do it in small or subtle ways because they … Continue reading Overstepping boundaries →

Internalising boundaries

You can learn a lot from someone by simply observing them. I recently noticed in a particular relationship that the other person had very clear boundaries. It wasn't anything that had been explicitly stated but through this persons actions it was very clear what they were and were not open to. Sometimes a persons boundaries … Continue reading Internalising boundaries →