At your best

At you’re best you are joyful, kind, considerate, a good listener, focused, playful and caring.

But sometimes you’re also inconsiderate, moody, a bad listener, you have your head in the clouds (as in you’re distracted and not present), you’re rigid and harsh.

It’s so easy to attach the idea of who you are to you at your best and think of everything else as you at your worst. But I don’t think that’s the case. You’re a culmination of all those things.

We attach negative connotations to certain acts, habits or behaviours then allow that to dominate how we view ourselves. There is nothing wrong with exhibiting traits that contrast with you at your best, as long as you don’t allow the unhelpful traits to dominate.

Don’t wait for magic

When people procrastinate they often tell themselves they are waiting until they are ready or waiting for a feeling that will push them to begin.

But the truth is you just have to start. Instead of waiting for some kind of magic to turn you into someone that gets things done straight away, make it a habit.

Any habit or behaviour takes practice to implement and practice to change.

So, instead of hiding behind the label of being a procrastinator start making a conscious effort to be the kind of person you want to be. The kind of person that gets things done sooner rather than later.

Learned behaviour

I’m really into self-observation and learning about why we are the way we are.

I find behaviour to be quite fascinating. I’ve learnt that often how we act is down to the people we surround ourselves with and the people we allow ourselves to be influenced by rather than just something ingrained within.

It might be easy to blame external factors for why you are the way you are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change.

The same way you learned to be one way you can choose to learn to be different (and hopefully better).

Enjoy the moment

If you’re someone that writes you might find that you rarely allow yourself to just be in the moment. The most wonderful thing could be happening but your mind is already looking back on it or thinking about how best to capture it.

Instead of just being in the moment, you’re observing it so that when it comes to writing about it you have all the details.

In some ways it could be considered a good thing.

But when you’re in an experience and you have the intentions of writing about it, you might find that you change your behaviour.

You end up saying or doing things to suit the narrative of what you want to write.

In turn you don’t allow yourself to be fully immersed in the experience.

Sometimes you need to decide to put the writing aside and just enjoy the moment.

Habits of your childhood self

For some people there are aspects of themselves that were developed in childhood as coping mechanisms in order to feel comfortable or safe.

And sometimes those habits or behaviour that were developed during childhood become so familiar and comfortable to us that we carry them through into adulthood.

But the thing is how you coped at 6 might not be so useful to you 2 decades later, in fact you might find that it’s more of a hindrance.

This is why it’s important to get to know yourself and have a level of self-awareness where you can know the why behind the things that you do.

If you can identify something that is no longer working for you then you can also change it to something that does.

Thank Goodness!

What do you know about you?

I think it’s important to get to know yourself. Not just on a surface level but right down deep to the core.

Not just your likes and dislikes but your beliefs and why you do the things you do.

Something I’ve always focused on is behaviour. When you find yourself doing and saying things or feeling like you are making a choice to act a certain way, if you take a step back you might come to realise that you’ve just been falling into a familiar habit loop over and over again.

That you’ve become so accustomed to your past behaviour that you turn to it whenever similar situations occur without actually considering if it’s the best way to respond.

So next time you’re about to get riled up or raise your voice ask yourself ‘Is this something I want to do or am I just doing it because it’s familiar?’

The answer might surprise you.

What do you know about you?

I think it’s important to get to know yourself. Not just on a surface level but right down deep to the core.

Not just your likes and dislikes but your beliefs and why you do the things you do.

Something I’ve always focused on is behaviour. When you find yourself doing and saying things, feeling like you are making a choice to act a certain way if you take a step back you might come to realise that you’ve just been falling into a familiar habit loop over and over again.

That you’ve become so accustomed to your past behaviour that you turn to it whenever similar situations occur without actually considering if it’s the best way to respond.

Same old, same old

What do you do when you find yourself experiencing the same situations over and over again.

No matter how much your life seems to change you find yourself going through the same old, same old.

Who’s to blame?

Why is it happening?

And most importantly, how do you break the cycle?

I’m going to have start researching more so I can make references but what I do know is that blaming yourself rarely helps.

You don’t need to blame anyone else either. Instead, just know that you can change things.

It happens because our brains get lazy, they love repeating patterns and loops even when they aren’t most beneficial. We handle situations however we know how and sometimes we don’t have the knowledge or tools to react in a way that will be helpful in the long run.

Before you know it, you’re finding yourself in the same situations and reacting similarly to how you first did. Nothing has changed aside from the fact that you’re now 6 years older.

Breaking the cycle starts with acknowledging your circumstances because like a popular song lyric states ‘you can’t fix what you can’t see’. When you find yourself in that familiar situation don’t go into autopilot and just do what you usually do because things will never change that way.

You have to be conscious and self aware enough that you can stop and ask yourself ‘What is the most helpful way for me to respond that will achieve my desired outcome?’

This will be a trial and error thing but the advice I can give is to remember that you have no control over anyone but yourself and when thinking of your desired outcome make it based on how you want to feel.

 

The fear of being seen

Being quiet stops people from noticing you as much, except they always notice that you’re quiet.

In certain environments this is seen as a bad thing sometimes because it bothers people.

Perhaps I simply fear being seen yet I’m happy to show up with my words online or my appearance in person through ‘interesting’ outfits.

After all its not me, it’s my words or it’s not me,it’s my dress.

I’m feel like being quiet is something you’re meant to grow out of so maybe I’m just stubborn.

But I’m working on it.