How to work through difficult feelings

When you’re going difficult feelings (or feelings that feel difficult), it’s vital to know what you need in order ton help yourself.

As a teenager, I had no clue and so would just end up overwhelmed with days spent mulling over moments that weren’t important in the grand scheme. Although i used to journal, it was very problem based and essentially just a ramble of fear and overwhelm which didn’t really benefit me.

Recently I had some difficult feelings come up. I’m at a point where I can sit with the feelings without getting carried away. I then find helpful ways to work through the feelings. Everything I do is specific to me because I’ve gotten into the habit of learning what I need in these difficult moment.

I recently had a moment of feeling insecure, in hindsight I can see that I had attached a particular outcome of a situation to me feeling good. And so when it didn’t turn out that way I felt the opposite. I wanted to share this because it’s useful to have more specific and less generic examples.

So here’s what I did:

1 Phoned a friend

I had an almost 2 hour phone call with a dear friend. This particular person is someone I trust and find easy to talk to about anything. We spoke about what we’ve been up to, future plans and we laughed a lot. They knew I was feeling a bit off however, I didn’t end up offloading and allowing my inner monologue to run wild because I know that there probably isn’t much this person could say to shift my feelings. Instead, I appreciated them making the time and supporting me. Plus, laughter is really the best medicine and probably helped more than any discussion about how I was feeling and why would have.

2 Did my morning routine in the afternoon

There are three things I do every morning at the moment: a 10 minute singing bowl meditation, my gratitude practice and reading my monthly manifesto (a passage that sets clear intentions for what I’m working on at the moment). I wasn’t feeling great that morning so I didn’t do it but later I remembered how much that simple 15 minutes each morning really helps set the tone for my day and establishes the possibility of how I can feel. And so I just did it in the afternoon and it helped me feel a lot better.

3 EFT

Emotional Freedom Technique also known as tapping is something I have been doing for a few years now. I went through the tapping points and essentially just reminded myself that even though I may feel the way I was feeling it’s not permanent and I’ll be okay. EFT is something that really works wonders for me.

4 Rest

Instead of just putting my feelings aside and getting on with my day I decided to rest. Sometimes the best thing to do is allow yourself to be bare minimum and work on things you need to do later when you’re feeling better. It doesn’t always help to just get on with it, especially when the work isn’t urgent.

Clearing out a room

Imagine clearing everything out of a room until it is completely empty.

You then dust, wipe the walls, vacuum the floor and then mop it. You wipe the windows and polish the glass.

The space has now been freshened up and it’s time to start bringing things back in.

You’d be quite intentional about what you bring back into the room because it’s now a totally clean space.

Whereas before, with the dust and dirt you didn’t care as much what was in the room and what you brought into it.

The same applies when you take a break from your normal routine to rest and restore. Once the break is over, you might find that you’d rather create a whole new routine than go back to the one you were used to.

How to get better at achieving your goals

Happy New Year!

It’s gotten to a point where many people shun new years resolutions (goals, plans, intentions etc.). They assume they won’t last so don’t see the point in bothering.

A common example of a new years resolution is to lose weight.

After indulging in an abundance of rich and unhealthy food over the festive period a large amount of people rush to the gym in January hoping to losing weight. However, I think the reason this tends to fail time and time again is because it actually works a little better when the focus is on the action instead of the outcome.

What if your new years resolution was to create a weekly exercise routine that you enjoy and then stick to it?

As much as it is important to have a clear goal, if you’re more focused on the end result than what is required to achieve it, you’ll probably end up giving up.

We often unknowingly run from doing the work that is required because we’re more focused on thinking about what we want than carrying out the actions to get us there.

Focusing on the action tends to result in habit building. Once these habits are ingrained into your routine they eventually become part of your everyday life which makes reaching the goal much easier.

Why I’ve decided to stop daily blogging? (For real this time)

Towards the end of 2020, I wrote a post sharing how I’d planned to stop daily blogging. Not long after, I changed my mind. I’d realised that I wasn’t ready to give up daily blogging yet because I enjoyed it and it challenged me. I also felt proud knowing I’d committed to something challenging that I didn’t have to do.

If you’re a super keen reader of this blog you’ll be aware that over the past few months I’ve become incredibly inconsistent with posting daily. As time went on it got worse until November 2021 when I stopped daily blogging altogether and only published a total of 7 posts.

I’ve never been hard on myself for skipping a day here and there but when it’s a regular thing, there’s clearly an issue.

The issue is that I’ve been doing something I no longer want to commit to. I used to wonder how long I could carry on daily blogging for without actually considering that it’s okay for me to just stop.

In 2022, I’ll be dropping from 7 posts a week to 3 which feels like I’m making things way too easy but I also think it’s okay to not put too much pressure on myself. I guess I just realised that I didn’t want to daily blog anymore. However, I’d identified myself with being a daily blogger so much and expected that I’d do it for much longer that it’s been difficult to admit that I want to stop.

5 minutes more

When working from home, the getting ready process from bed to desk is much less time consuming.

Instead of waking up, getting breakfast, showering and brushing your teeth, getting ready, leaving out and travelling to the office. You might just wake up, get a coffee and start work. Then perhaps it’s later in the morning that you shower and get ready in-between tasks.

If you’re staying home, the time you get up is pretty flexible because you can choose how much you do before work begins. If you wake up one morning and bed feels cosy, you have the option for 5 minutes more.

On the flipside, if you’re going into the office there’s not much you can bypass and so choosing to sleep for a little bit longer means you have to rush or else you might end up being late.

Remember the basics

Sometimes we find the in life we get so swept up in the exciting, fun and challenging aspects of life that we kind of forget about the basics, we end up off track.

I think this happens to everyone every now and then. It’s important to firstly understand what on track looks like for you and then secondly to know what you need to do to get back on track.

For me, being on track means things like having a set morning routine, having slow Sundays where I’m relaxed, eating regular meals and going to bed before I feel sleepy instead of just passing out around midnight.

In terms of getting back on track, I understand that it’s more based around how I’m feeling rather than what I’m doing. In terms of quick things to do when I feel off track, things like my morning mantra, meditation, EFT, tidying my space or writing a to-do list all make great starting points.

I generally find that when I start with one small thing I’m able to then move on and do other things sort of like a domino effect.

Catching up and clearing out

If you’ve been a regular reader for more than a few months, you’ll have noticed that I stopped blogging for about 6 weeks. There were a few posts here and there but it was far from my usual daily blogging.

However, over the past few days I’ve been getting my ducks in a row and I’m now back.

For the rest of this month, I intend to catch up on all the posts I’ve missed, so expect an overwhelming influx of content to be read at your own pace. The reason for this is I have about 10 completed posts, 100 half finished posts on WordPress and around 50 posts written elsewhere.

I quite like the idea of clearing out what I’ve written and putting out fresh content in the new year. I’ve finally decided to make some big changes with TDG as it goes into it’s third year which I’ll share more about later this month.

Despite not posting, I’ve still been writing and I have plenty to share. I also have big changes in my personal life which will result in more work and career related posts in the coming months.

I’m excited to be back posting again and look forward to sharing my words with you.

Keep exploring

There’s something quite wonderful about being a beginner, starting something new with fresh eyes, optimism, excitement and curiosity.

There are probably plenty of things that you’ve been doing for a long time to the point that they’re a regular part of your daily, weekly or monthly routine. It could be old hobbies from childhood or a job that you’re just so familiar with that the joy has been taken out of it.

It could even be what you want thought was your dream job but because you’re doing it all the time and you’re so used to it doesn’t really feel like a dream anymore. Now it’s actually just your reality.

Sometimes, we get the job that we want and maybe we’re even living in our ideal home in our ideal location. We feel settled in life so we stop exploring. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but if you’re putting aside your curiosity and yearning then maybe something needs to change. The feeling of wanting to explore life probably won’t just go without you tending to it.

The reason we don’t tend to it is often because we allow societal standards and ideas to restrict us. We end up feeling like it’s too late to try something new because we’re a certain age or it feels like it’ll be a step back. It’s no use holding on to those ideas if they just make you unhappy.

The desire to explore could be as small as reading a genre of fiction you wouldn’t usually be open to or joining a local volunteering group. It doesn’t have to be about quitting your job to start a business. selling all your belongings and travelling around Asia for 6 months.

Time for a change

When you’re ready to change, you’ll feel it.

It could be a change of city, job, relationship, diet, hobby, hairstyle or routine.

Taking the example of work, perhaps you’re no longer passionate and motivated to achieve the things you once aspired to. Maybe in the past when you were stressed you had the motivation to get through it because it would be worth it in the end whereas now you feel the complete opposite.

Or with your morning routine, you may have had a set of 7 things you’d do every morning before starting your day. Then, all of a sudden that feels like a waste of time and you realise you’re happier to strip it back to just 3.

When you get the feeling that it’s time for change, it’s it’s important to go with it because it won’t go away.

It’s the old case of what you resist persists. And so if you don’t jump when you feel it’s time for a change, life will give you a push.

3 daily blogging writing routines

A few ideas for writing routines for those that blog everyday.

Write a full post on your commute to and from work

If you work 9-5 this gives you the opportunity to write 10 posts within 5 days and then at the weekend you don’t have to write at all. Getting into the routine of writing at a set time each day means you start associating that specific time with the writing process which can help you find your flow.

Write one post every evening

This is the most simple routine. It gives you the whole day to live your life and the evening can become a time of reflection where you think about what has happened throughout the day and then choose something to write about. The only issue with this method is it doesnt allow you to have time off.

Write at any time of day but batch schedule your posts

This allows you to work quite freely whilst the batching means you can always stay a few days ahead or give yourself time off from writing.