Life changing habits: Transmute your feelings

Whenever I felt sad, jealous angry etc. my first instinct used to be to sit in it and wallow. I’d maybe play The Smiths, The Stone Roses or some other type of moody music and fall into some deep dark depression with thoughts like ‘there’s nothing in this life for me’.

This might sound dramatic or like an over exaggeration but it’s how I truly felt and it became this habit that I’d grown to almost find comfort in.

I’d also write as I was keen to document the woes in my life because sometimes it felt like nobody else saw what I was going through.

However, these days if I’m feeling jealous for example, I’m also aware of the fact that I often want things simply because I don’t have them and often once I get them, I get bored pretty quick.

I think it’s also important to remember that just because someone has things that you don’t have it doesn’t make your life any less good.

In my experience, most of the time if I start to feel jealous it’s because I’m focusing too much on other people instead of myself. It’s the perfect time to practice gratitude and once I do that my feelings change to joy, curiosity and excitement at the possibilities of life.

When I get sad or angry I turn it into a growth point and figure out what the takeaway is. I let myself know that it is okay to feel whatever I’m feeling, whilst reminding myself that I don’t need to sit in the feelings and wallow but I also remain patient with myself.

Most of the sadness or anger I’ve felt comes from not setting boundaries, not being open, trying to please others and sometimes it’s things that I have no control over.

In moments like these I transmute my feelings into joy by practising gratitude, remembering the joys of life and what it feels like to be me and love myself. But also just being present which is something I learnt from reading The Power of Now.

I’m learning to not wallow in my feelings but to feel them and move on. It’s fine to feel angry about something but you don’t have to hold onto it.

One of my favourite quotes I’m not sure who it’s by but it’s something like ‘Don’t let life make you hard’ and it has so much meaning to me because sometimes I fall into that.

But on the other hand, life can also be beautiful, wonderful and so full of joy.

The right time to quit

Perhaps there is no right time.

It’s easy to quit in the early stages but gets harder over time. After 3 years once you’ve  invested time effort and energy quitting, even if it’s for the best feels like giving up.

And so, it’s hard to know the right time to quit. If you’ve been working on something for a while and that could just be a few months  (it depends on how much you’re putting into it), if you’re thinking of quitting don’t make what you’ve put into it so far be the only reason to keep going.

But some questions to ask and things to consider are:
Do you still believe in what you’re doing?
If you knew what you now know, would you still start today?
Are you doing this for yourself or because you feel you have something to prove?
Do you enjoy doing the work?
Will the end result bring you joy?

The right time to quit

Perhaps there is no right time.

It’s easy to quit in the early stages but gets harder over time. After 3 years once you’ve  invested time effort and energy quitting, even if it’s for the best feels like giving up.

And so, it’s hard to know the right time to quit. If you’ve been working on something for a while and that could just be a few months  (it depends on how much you’re putting into it), if you’re thinking of quitting don’t make what you’ve put into it so far be the only reason to keep going.

But some questions to ask and things to consider are:

Do you still believe in what you’re doing?
If you knew what you now know, would you still start today?
Are you doing this for yourself or because you feel you have something to prove?
Do you enjoy doing the work?
Will the end result bring you joy?

A different kind of way

When you’re life is going down a certain path it’s easy to believe that you have no other options, that forward is the only direction you can travel.

Sometimes you know we can reverse but you get that ‘I’ve come come too far to turn back now’ feeling so you keep going in spite of how you truly feel.

Wherever you’re at in life and whatever challenges you may be facing , there is a different kind of way. One that is more helpful, enjoyable and inflow.

You don’t have to carry on living a joyless life or a life of limited joy just because that’s all you’ve experiences thus far

If you’re open to the possibility of something then it’s possible, that’s the belief I like to hold anyway.

Life isn’t as rigid as you might think. You can stop, reverse, turn around and turn left or right. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come or what other people will think

What matters is your experience and how you feel about it , within yourself.

Just because you’re used yo doing things one way, doesn’t mean you can’t do things a different way.

Happy then and happy now

There is a belief that the things that brought us joy as kids will be the things that bring us joy as adults, especially after we’ve gone through low periods.

Feeding the birds at the park, reading fiction books, drawing and making daisy chains are some examples of childhood joys.

It’s interesting that as children we find joy in the simplest of things yet as adults we end up believing that happiness is hard to come by.

But what could be compared to the feeling of sitting on a swing in a park on a summer afternoon, swinging back and forth whilst watching the world go by.

Unless of course, you’re not a fan of swings.

 

A pep in your step and a smile on your face

That was me after bumping into a good friend on the way to work. A morning catch up talking about the work we do, how we spend our free time and the need for stimulation.

Things have changed in the 7 years this person and I have been friends. We’ve grown and so have our conversations. We’re not as silly as we were at 17 but even in our 20s we’re still growing up.

And I feel lucky that we get to do it together.

Breaking news

I went on to Facebook and saw a post from Seth Godin. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll have seen my many references to and mentions of Seth Godin.

People like you and people like me

What would Seth Godin say?

Less Seth, More me

Telling stories and being heard

Godin, writers block and the inner monologue

Anyway the post on Facebook said that Seth is back on Instagram  (his last post was a few years ago).

So of course I went straight from Facebook to Instagram and clicked follow.

It’s a small and perhaps insignificant thing to some yet it brought joy to my day. Seth is someone who I’ve learnt a lot from and for those that don’t know, he’s the reason I started this blog.

If any of you are interested follow Seth Godin @sethgodin on Instagram.