Good thoughts and bad habits

I think this statement is true for a lot of people.

We all know what we need to do in order to reach our goals or get things done. It’s the doing it part that hold us back.

You’re working on a project and maybe you spend a morning planning and preparing what to work on for the week ahead. But then when it comes down to it you’re scrolling through meme accounts and reading the lyrics to your favourite rap songs.

You’ve got good thoughts, you know what needs to be done.

You’ve got bad habits and you often find yourself procrastinating until it’s too late for things to go well.

There’s a discord between what you know and what you do.

You have to find a way to bring your habits into harmony with your thoughts.

That’s one way to transform your life.

 

Why I don’t beat myself up for forgetting to post

If you’re an avid reader of this site you may notice that I actually haven’t posted every single day.

You may also notice that the day after I don’t post, I post twice.

I could just backdate a post to the previous day and pretend that I didn’t forget but I did forget and I’m okay with that.

Granted I don’t want to make a habit of it but I think it’s important to not get too frustrated.

Beating myself up about it won’t make me any less frustrated either.

And so instead I try figure out why I forgot and do my best to avoid it happening again.

Turns out the reason I forget is because I get the dates mixed up when I schedule posts in advance. An easy way to fix that is to set a reminder on my phone, problem solved.

Life changing habits: Practice gratitude

I’m grateful for so many things in my life.

One thing in particular is my right hand because I use it to write and writing is something that I attribute to so much of who I am as a person, like that’s how deep it goes.

I usually do a morning gratitude when I’m still in bed, when I’m brushing my teeth or when I’m walking to the bus stop.

I even do it when I’m in a bad mood. It never fails to lift my spirit because it reminds me that I have so much goodness that I can focus on and so much that I easily forget or look past because it’s always around.

I never thought something as simple as being grateful could actually have that much of an impact.

When it comes to things that are life changing we often fall into thinking it has to be big and dramatic “just like they do on the tv” but more often than not that’s not the case.

I’m grateful for my hope, curiosity, resilience, laughter, my job, my friends, my right hand, the park by my house, my grandparents…

The list goes on because my life is overflowing with things to be grateful for.

When I truly learned how to take that in, it changed my life.

Life changing habits: Transmute your feelings

Whenever I felt sad, jealous angry etc. my first instinct used to be to sit in it and wallow. I’d maybe play The Smiths, The Stone Roses or some other type of moody music and fall into some deep dark depression with thoughts like ‘there’s nothing in this life for me’.

This might sound dramatic or like an over exaggeration but it’s how I truly felt and it became this habit that I’d grown to almost find comfort in.

I’d also write as I was keen to document the woes in my life because sometimes it felt like nobody else saw what I was going through.

However, these days if I’m feeling jealous for example, I’m also aware of the fact that I often want things simply because I don’t have them and often once I get them, I get bored pretty quick.

I think it’s also important to remember that just because someone has things that you don’t have it doesn’t make your life any less good.

In my experience, most of the time if I start to feel jealous it’s because I’m focusing too much on other people instead of myself. It’s the perfect time to practice gratitude and once I do that my feelings change to joy, curiosity and excitement at the possibilities of life.

When I get sad or angry I turn it into a growth point and figure out what the takeaway is. I let myself know that it is okay to feel whatever I’m feeling, whilst reminding myself that I don’t need to sit in the feelings and wallow but I also remain patient with myself.

Most of the sadness or anger I’ve felt comes from not setting boundaries, not being open, trying to please others and sometimes it’s things that I have no control over.

In moments like these I transmute my feelings into joy by practising gratitude, remembering the joys of life and what it feels like to be me and love myself. But also just being present which is something I learnt from reading The Power of Now.

I’m learning to not wallow in my feelings but to feel them and move on. It’s fine to feel angry about something but you don’t have to hold onto it.

One of my favourite quotes I’m not sure who it’s by but it’s something like ‘Don’t let life make you hard’ and it has so much meaning to me because sometimes I fall into that.

But on the other hand, life can also be beautiful, wonderful and so full of joy.

Life changing habits: Let go of expectations

This used to be one of my worst habits.

I’d do this thing where I’d place a lot of expectations on people that left no room for humanness and left me feeling disappointed.

Once I realised that I did this I started making a conscious effort to stop. I’ve learnt how to catch myself in the act and it is such a blessing.  It means I’m much less bothered by what people do.

Letting go of expectation has made some relationships a lot easier. It has also helped me clarify that in some cases I’m more invested than the other person and that we should probably just part ways.

It’s also about balance. For example, expecting a friend to make time to see you realistic but if you’re always expecting your friend to be free and getting upset or annoyed when they’re busy, you might want to reassess your expectations.

Life changing habits: Focus on yourself

Probably the most obvious life changing habit of all, yet in this society with the prominence of social media in our everyday lives it can feel almost impossible.

How do you engage with the content of strangers without getting sucked in and forgetting about you?

I find that disconnecting is key, as in closing the app or logging out.

But it is also useful to make time to ask yourself the important questions like: How does this make me feel? Or is this a valuable use of my time?

The balance between focusing on yourself and what others are doing should always heavily be tipped in your favour.

I feel much better doing hand embroidery, going for a walk or drawing than I do focusing on the lives of strangers.

It doesn’t better my life to know that you had poached eggs on avo toast for breakfast or that you just bought another pair of Manolo Blahniks.

But don’t get me wrong I enjoy that kind of content a lot but I shouldn’t be focusing on others more than myself.

The same way you could with great ease spend an hour watching YouTube videos or 30 minutes scrolling Instagram should be the same way you spend time on yourself.

Losing a good habit

It’s a gradual thing.

One day you have a solid morning routine and the next you’re running down the street with half your shirt undone hoping you have don’t miss the bus and that you have everything you need.

But it’s not as simple as that, the loss of a habit takes time.

It starts with pressing snooze, then skipping meditation and moves on to not even prepping the night before.

Some routines are hard to keep and sometimes we think that we want to bend away from what we know serves us, just to see what happens.

And sometimes we do it to remember why we implemented the routine in the first place.