A question I’m learning to ask myself without judgement?
It’s easy to judge yourself and in doing so you’re not likely to answer the question in a way that is helpful.
You’ll be likely to find yourself caught up in a woe is me story-line. Your answer will be something like: ‘Well, I’m trying and it’s just not working out the way I want and I wish it could be better but maybe I’m just not good enough…’.
That sort of mentality isn’t helpful and it won’t result in growth, development or progress.
When it comes to improving on something you can’t attach emotions to your critique because it isn’t personal.
When asking the question Can I do better? it isn’t even really about a yes or no answer because one could argue that you can always do better. Instead it’s about whether you are happy to put out the thing you’ve created or the work that you’ve done.
For many people if they give it some thought they’ll find that a large proportion of their character is based on who they think they are.
Often those opinions are made at a young age without any real judgement. Yet you carry them with you into adulthood without even checking to see if your mind has changed.
It could be something as simple as a food that you don’t eat. Perhaps as a child you weren’t willing to explore with what you ate so you told yourself ‘I’m not the kind of person that eats that kind of food’ or ‘I don’t like to experiment with what I eat, I just like simple food’. Twenty years later you’re still saying the same thing and maybe that’s true but maybe you haven’t changed.
We get so attached to the idea we create of who we think we are that we close ourselves off to anything that challenges that.
The idea of exploring is one I don’t think is valued enough. I don’t mean travelling and exploring new countries or cities, I mean exploring self.
Being able to know your own limits whilst also being able to put yourself out there and experience new things.
It’s so easy to stay within the remit of what you know because there’s comfort in familiarity. However, it’s also worth considering when you don’t venture outside of that you lose the chance to learn about yourself about and understand yourself.
When you give yourself the opportunity to explore life a little more, you might find that you don’t actually believe the things you thought were true.
Sometimes you might find yourself saying yes to much more than you can handle. It’s often for one of 2 reasons.
The first reason is because you want to push yourself, test your limits and see what you’re capable of.
The other reason is for other people, you want to help and be seen as valuable or hardworking.
It’s all good and well saying yes in the moment. However before you make a decision, ask yourself if you have the capacity to do it well.
You’ll be much better off saying no than saying yes and producing poor results.
So often, we’re afraid to be vulnerable and let people know where we’re at. In doing that you miss out on the opportunity to be supported by people that care.
What often ends up happening is you feel frustrated that there is no one to support you, not realising that you haven’t even given them a chance.
The best way to break this habit is to be more open when talking to the people that you know you can trust. Instead of having those Hey, how’s it going? Yeah, good thanks, you? types of conversations make the effort to be a little more vulnerable.
It might feel strange at first but when you talk to the right people they’ll listen to you and show support which is sometimes all you need. Your act of bravery might have a knock on effect because often you find that the other person will start to open up more too.
It’s not always easy to show people that you’ve changed.
Especially when on the outside you look exactly the same. For example, how do you show someone that you’ve developed new neurological pathways?
For the most part when you change, you do it for you. Although on the other side of it you might feel like you have something to prove. Or maybe you’re proud of how far you’ve come and so you want to share it.
But in truth when you’ve really changed you won’t need to parade it around. It’ll be clear to see in the way you talk and the things you do.
And sure they’ll be people who refuse to see it because they liked you stagnant and they aren’t ready willing to see that you’ve evolved but that’s not your burden to carry.
Many people have an unspoken set of boundaries for what they do and don’t do or a set of rules that govern the choices they make.
And sometimes the boundaries that you give yourself become limitations.
Suddenly you find that you’re not doing the things that you want to do because your boundaries go against it.
However the thing about boundaries, though they have there benefits they can also be a hindrance.
The more you try to force yourself to adhere to them the harder you judge yourself when you stray.
But, it’s perfectly okay to move away from the person that you thought you’d be.