When you have a problem that you’re working to overcome, where do you focus your efforts?
Often we end up priotising the problem because we think we need to assess, analyse, dissect and understand every little bit of it before we can move forward.
However, it turns out that you’re much better off prioritising the solution.
For example, if the problem is that it’s raining the solution might be to open you’re umbrella, put on a hood or find shelter. However, if you’re just focused on the issue of rain you’re likely to end up frustrated because you’re clothes are getting wet.
The problem already exists and focusing on it only allows it to grow further and further. On the other hand, the solution is unknown and it requires your efforts (or energy) to bring it to life.
When it comes to race related comments, what’s worth commenting on?
Is it worth the energy it takes to call someone out and explain to them why what they said is slightly (or maybe even highly) concerning?
If it goes well it would probably be worth it but if the other person is adamant that there was nothing wrong with what they said, where do you go from there?
Furthermore, it’s almost as if your race becomes a burden when in certain spaces you realise that people might just be tolerating you but after a drink or two they’ll make a race related comment.
And so let’s take it full circle and ask the question of what comments are worth commenting on?
Turns out there is no set answer.
On how pent up energy comes out in unexpected ways.
Sometimes when a person over reacts it’s because they’ve got built up frustration or anger and this particular situation has been the breaking point.
All of a sudden you’re losing your cool over ‘spilt milk’ and sometimes in the moment you don’t even know why you’re so mad.
In hindsight you know that ‘spilt milk’ wasn’t worth shouting about but you did it anyway.
And to everyone around you, you just overreacted or lost your temper because they don’t know about everything that led to that moment.
It might even change how they are around you, because when you’re around anyone can get it and nobody wants to be anyone.
So if you care enough you might want to learn to address things in the moment instead of letting them fester.
That way your response to ‘spilt milk’ will be about the ‘spilt milk’ not because your colleague was rude, someone lied to you and that family member keeps asking you for money.
In a book a read a while back it explained why we should focus on what we do want instead of what we don’t want.
It gave the example of someone telling you not to think of a purple elephant and how despite being told not to that is exactly where the mind wanders. That simple example is the same for our wants and goals. It’s the reason why the focus should be on the things that we actually wan’t.
When you spend time focusing on what you don’t wan’t your mind will give energy to those things. Your mind will visualise and think about these things which will only amplify them in your physical reality.