It can be difficult to have conversations about things that feel uncomfortable. You might find it so difficult that you avoid it altogether and shut down whenever anyone tries to bring it up with you.
That might seem like the best option because why would anyone choose to feel uncomfortable.
However, when you avoid something it doesn’t go away and you don’t allow yourself room to grow.
So instead of avoiding a difficult conversation or holding back when you speak, try something different.
Be open, honest and know that the initial uncomfortable feeling will subside.
It’ll take a bit of practice but eventually you’ll get to a place where the difficult conversation is actually pretty easy.
Sometimes the hardest part is facing it.
Once you accept it, you can make a plan for what do next. That for many is exciting.
However, facing the difficult truth is the necessary first step. You do it by acknowledging and understanding the situation. In some cases it will involve admitting the role that you played contributed to a negative outcome.
That’s a helpful lesson because it allows you to understand the implications of your actions.
It might be a bitter pill to swallow but we all make mistakes. Luckily, we also have the capacity to fix them and make things better.
When you feel low or sad about something it can be difficult to know what t do with the feeling. After all you don’t want to feel it, you’d much rather the sadness just left you alone.
But the thing with difficult feelings and feelings in general is that they don’t leave if you don’t allow yourself to feel them.
And then there is the question of how do you feel your feelings.
I don’t think there is a set answer of how but I’ll share what works for me.
Writing is incredibly therapeutic, I do it everyday.
Writing allows you to explore yourself freely and can be used as a tool to express how you feel. If you’re feeling hurt you can write about it. But you can also ask yourself questions like ‘why does this bother me?’ or ‘what would make me feel better right now?’ and then write until you have some kind of answer or at least until your mood has shifted.
A difficult conversation is a conversation worth having.
It’s hard speaking up when you don’t know how to say things eloquently, you’re worried about how people will react and feel like nobody will pay attention.
But that doesn’t mean you should say nothing.
Maybe it means you should take a different approach, ensure you’re talking to the right people and trust that even if you don’t get the outcome you wanted at least you tried.
Sometimes we’re so focused on the end result that if things don’t go our way, we end up thinking that it was mistake to even try.
It’s easy to talk about things that are easy.
But when it comes to comes to feelings, wants and needs, things often get a little more challenging.
Often problems will arise, simply because you didn’t speak up and let the other person know how you felt or what you needed. When you hold things in, they rarely go away, they just build up over time.
So, maybe 6 months later when you feel angry and frustrated towards someone you won’t even consider that maybe things could have turned out differently, if only you had said ‘I want you to make more of an effort’ instead of keeping quiet.
Granted people won’t always meet your needs, even if you desperately want them too.
But you’re better off speaking up and giving the other person a chance, than just holding things in and ending up disappointed that people can’t read your mind.
Some things in life are difficult to solve.
There are lots of factors to consider, plus you have to find something that works for people that don’t think the same way.
What works for one won’t necessarily for everyone else. The great idea you had might not work.
And that is not just my opinion but instead some thoughts relating to some of the challenges we face as a society.
The solution isn’t to try and please everyone. I think the solution would be to do what feels right and focus on how you can make a positive impact.
Right now things might feel strange, they certainly don’t feel normal.
When we experience difficult or challenging situations so often we end up craving the way things were.
You might find yourself longing for the simple everyday things you used to do like working in an office building, travelling by train and seeing full shelves in the supermarket.
Once the situation passes you have to establish a new normal because challenges change you. It will be almost impossible to go back to the way things were because what you’re experiencing right now is significant.
We all have the opportunity to let this situation change us for the better. To become more resilient, self-aware and perhaps a little kinder or more thoughtful.
When you’re trying to find a solution it can be easy to get stuck on one particular path. You want to believe that you can work things out so you trudge on hoping for the best.
Maybe you tell yourself that if things aren’t working out then you’re not working hard enough.
But sometimes the truth is you need a different approach to the situation.
It can be difficult to open up to a new way of doing things, especially when you’ve been trying one set way for so long.
However, if you’re willing to do something different even if it doesn’t solve the problem, you’ll probably find yourself closer to the solution.
A few words on self acceptance.
As you take the time to explore yourself you’re likely to discover all kinds of things: the good the bad and the ugly.
You might find that there are some things about yourself that have put you at a disadvantage and they’re not always easy to accept.
The things that make you different, the things that have to be explained in order for people to understand you, the things that make you uncomfortable and maybe it’s things you wish you could just bypass.
But these challenges, the things you find difficult are probably great learning opportunities or what I like to call growth points.
Of course that doesn’t make them any easier but what I’ve learnt is that the more you push back and resist the more challenging things become. Whereas, if you’re more open, willing to accept your circumstances and explain things to the right person (or people), the situation softens.
And once it softens it becomes more malleable and in turn more manageable until eventually you overcome it or learn to handle it better.
For some people there are certain conversations they’d rather not have.
It’s the difficult ones that we avoid where we have to be vulnerable. And maybe you get that swirly feeling in your stomach that you take as a sign not to go through those conversations.
But when you avoid them all that stuff just builds up and eventually comes out in unideal ways. It’s like not repairing a crack in a wall and all of a sudden the wall caves in.
In these situations you have to be responsible and admit that you’re the one that avoided the very thing you needed to do.
And that’s okay at least you know for next time. The conversations you’re afraid to have are difficult but necessary but like all life situations.
We can’t go over it.
We can’t go under it.
We’ve got to go through it!
From the 1989 children’s book We’re going on a bear hunt by Michael Rosen