Making space for what you want

Sometimes in order to bring in something new, you need to make space for it. A life that is filled to the brim with ‘stuff’ is not a life that is open to the new.

It might seem like the change you want isn’t happening or that things aren’t working out for you. The reality is, you don’t have space for the things that you want.

You have to make space by clearing out the things you no longer need, even if you feel like still want them in your life. It could be physical clutter, friends you’ve outgrown, past times you don’t enjoy, a diet that is hindering your health or a job you’ve been talking about leaving for the past 2 years.

When you finally make space in your life you’ll start to notice how new things flow in with ease, you’ll also become a little more picky about what you choose to keep.

The power of taking space

It might feel easier to hold on but maybe what you really need to do is let go.

Taking space is a powerful thing. When you spend time away from something you have developed an attachment to it gives you room to find clarity and to come back to yourself. So often you may find ourselves getting caught up in other people and trying to please or appease them that you forget yourself and your own values or ideas.

And sometimes when you’re not ready to let go you convince yourself that there is something for us in the attachment, something that we need. But even if it is true that the attachment offers us something it can’t possibly be placed above that which we can offer ourselves.

So go forth and take space, then when you’re ready you can return and figure out how you really feel without attachment cloud your judgement.

On learning to voice your needs

I just googled not being able to voice your needs and there were about 1,220,000,000 results.

Being able to voice your needs is an important part of life. If you can’t say what you need, you probably won’t get it.

If you’ve ever been that person you might have been lucky enough to find someone that gets you. Not in any romantic sense but just someone that understands you even when you’re not able to find the words. That kind of person comes into your life through you being open and vulnerable enough to voice your needs.

It could be as simple as letting someone know that you need space, at first the person might be surprised or not take it well. But over time a good friend or someone that cares about you will understand that at certain times you need to be alone. And it won’t become an issue, they won’t try and make you feel bad or tell you that you have to have to talk now. They will listen and respect your needs.

On the flipside, people that aren’t able to voice their needs might end up falling into feeling misunderstood or uncared for and then carrying that feeling around them everywhere they go. But more often than not, that feeling isn’t true at all. It only feels true because you’re not saying what you need.

Reasons to take space

Taking space is something we’re often reluctant to do.

It could be space from a person, a habit or even just social media.

For me the purpose of space is to gain clarity.

It’s difficult to get that when you’re in the situation which is why it is necessary to remove yourself.

At first you always miss the thing that you’re taking space from because you’re so used to it being part of your day to day life but then you feel refreshed and wonder why you clung to that thing so much in the first place. Then after that comes the sense of knowing that without this thing in your life you’ll still be totally fine.

I don’t think we always anticipate that that last realisation will come which is why we can be reluctant to give things up.

I think we quite often think the opposite which is that we’ll feel as though we can’t live without the thing or come to crave it even more than before.

It could be something like snacking on sugary foods, a person you believe yourself to be so totally in love with or maybe it’s Instagram.

Whatever it is in your life, don’t be too afraid to take space from it.

You might even find that you no longer want the thing in your life and if that’s the case, be willing to let it go.

Not everything is meant to last.

Mind the gap

That’s what’s painted at the platforms edge.

I suppose now is the best time to add the disclaimer that this isn’t about jumping.

The message painted on the platforms edge can be used in conversations about the distance between where you are and where you want to be.

The gap is the space between the known and the unknown and I’ve recently found myself in it which is why I thought I’d write about it.

When you transform your life looking it creates space between you and your past self, sometimes to the point where it doesn’t even feel like you, it’s like a whole different person.

You’re now on the other side of the gap looking back.

It’s like when you’re going through a difficult period and can’t see how to make things better. Then weeks, months or years go by and all of a sudden you’re looking back thinking ‘oh, I actually did it!’. You went from hopeless to hopeful from ‘blah to ta-da!’.

But it’s rare that we see the change happening whilst we’re in the gap and it’s hard to see how to we can overcome it from the other side.

The gap is wide.

For anyone looking to change their life the gap may seem too wide. The space in between is full of trial and error, vulnerability, taking chances and commitment. You can’t get to other side unless you’re willing to go through those things.

So if you’re not willing, mind the gap.

Where I go

I feel like anyone that blogs daily has this mental space that they go to when they’re writing.

For me I tap into my inner monologue. It’s always running and so I simply stop and pay attention to it for long enough to write a hundred words or so.

For the most part it’s easy to do, to pay attention to my thoughts and write about them.

But sometimes getting to that place isn’t so easy because we get caught in trying to be perfect or underestimating our own abilities.

The amazing thing is that, no matter how you feel you always have access to that place.

What space taught me

I’ve been thinking about how when you give yourself space from people you can end up realising that actually you’re quite content without that person being in your life.

And then days or weeks later when the space is no longer there you find yourself holding back because in that time of space you realised that what you have with this person is nothing more than familiarity.

The old things that would draw you in don’t have the effect that they used to. The things that you ignored even though they bothered you are no longer things you’re willing to over look.

Space taught me to remember the things that I have learnt.  For it is in moments of solitude that I am reminded of how much I love myself and all the things I want for myself and it’s okay to settle but it’s not okay to settle for other people.