Resisting change

Sometimes we tell ourselves we want to change and that we want things to be different. Then, we resist every opportunity that comes our way.

We turn down the chance to meet people with shared interests when we say we want to make new connections.

We eat chocolate cake for breakfast when we say we want to be healthy and reduce our sugar intake.

We avoid applying for our dream job because we’re worried we won’t get it.

Maybe you can relate to one of these things or maybe you have your own example.

When you resist change your life feels stagnant. You find yourself wanting things but not wanting to make the effort. You might fear things not working.

And that’s valid because things might not work out. But the feeling of knowing it’s time to let your life progress isn’t going to go away until you stop resisting change and open yourself up to the possibilities of life.

A necessary break

Currently working on and through lots of different things in my life. I’ve allowed myself to take space from blogging in order to ensure that I’m not posting about things that are fresh and problems that I’m yet to solve.

A current theme for me is acceptance and I feel very lucky that my life circumstances have allowed me the opportunity to really focus on that. I’ve been learning new things whilst also revisiting past lessons. In the coming weeks and months I’ll be writing about it all. My aim is to get back to posting three days a week but I’m glad I gave myself a break. I needed it.

Opening up

The idea of opening up is often used to refer to situations where perhaps you’re going through something. You’re advised to open up to allow people to do things like support, help and care for you.

But I like to apply the idea of opening up to those that are closed off, in general. Perhaps you don’t open up because you have a fear of being seen. Sometimes, the truth is that you’ve allow yourself to be so consumed by the potential opinion of others that you’ve taught yourself to be as neutral as possible.

This can show up as being someone who finds it hard to say what they do and don’t like. Perhaps you’re used to saying things like ‘it’s fine’ when it’s not or ‘I don’t mind’ when you really do.

Maybe you think that no one will listen, maybe you don’t value your voice. It could even be that you’re just trying to avoid attention.

But the game of life is that by choosing not to open up you end up in situations where you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t feel heard and you’re accepting things you don’t want. Meanwhile you think that by being closed off and essentially hiding you’re making things easier for yourself.

Opening up not only gives you space to be yourself, it gives others the chance to see you as you are.

If you don’t think you’re good enough

If you don’t think you’re good enough that belief will have a major impact on how you experience life.

You’ll have a hard time identifying when you’re being treated poorly because you have such low standards for yourself. This could be with a friend, romantic partner, family member, colleague or even a stranger.

Perhaps someone is unkind to you and instead of speaking up you sit and internalise it. You find yourself almost justifying it with things like ‘it’s not that bad’, ‘they probably didn’t mean anything by it’ or ‘at least they didn’t…’. Your sense of self is so low that you’re willing to accept below the bare minimum.

This can be an awful thing to experience and can result in mental health problems like anxiety or depression. However, it can also serve as a catalyst for change. You’ll reach a point where you can no longer accept the way that you’re being treated because it feels like a betrayal. When you realise that you shouldn’t be okay with people doing things like ignore you, lie to you and overlook you, you’ll be much less willing to accept it.

Suddenly, the awareness you’ve gained has given you the opprtunity to live a very different life that you didn’t even know was available to you.

It could mean ending friendships, resigning from your job, having conversations that feel difficult, settling firm boundaries, saying no and learning to stand up for yourself.

That might seem daunting but if you focus on the fact that life will be a easier to navigate when you think better of yourself, that should at least give you the motivation to get started.

5 reasons to quit your job

I think that what we do for a living matters. When you have to wake up everyday and do something that you don’t enjoy, interact with people you don’t agree with, work late to meet deadlines and give your time and energy to work that you don’t care about, maybe you should be doing something else.

I think we’re lucky that we’re liberated enough to have some choice about what we do. We have options. We have the opportunity to change our lives if we’re not happy with where we’re at.

And so here are some reasons to quit your job and move on to something better:

  • You no longer enjoy it
  • It requires more than you’re willing to give
  • You could get paid more at another company
  • You’re constantly saying you want to quit
  • You want to change careers

Saying yes to what you want

The idea of saying yes to what you want is pretty simple yet somehow we often end up doing the opposite.

We end up saying yes to things that we don’t want.

We have this idea in our mind of what we want, what we’ll say yes to and what we’re willing to accept. Then, when the moment arises where we have the opportunity to show up truthfully, we crumble.

We say yes instead of no and we make allowances or excuses for other people. It’s like we intentionally draw the short straw. It could be about people pleasing, a fear of hurting other peoples feelings or maybe you’re just scared to say no.

What ever the reason, you’re the one that then ends up committing to something that doesn’t even align with what you really want.

And when this happens, it shows. You give less effort, show less enthusiasm and even if you don’t say it, you end up giving off a sort of ‘I don’t want to do this vibe’.

Essentially you just make things harder for yourself and you end up less happy than you could have been.

Everything could be different

So often, we get deeply and strongly attached. We hope that things will remain as they are.

We fear that change might bring in what we don’t want and clear out what we do want.

But, I like to believe that as wonderful and perfect as things might be right now, everything could be different and still be wonderful and perfect.

That serves as a reminder that it’s okay for things to change.

There is no need to hold great attachment to the way things are, in doing so we don’t allow space for the new.

New might not be ‘better’ but it will be different. It’s the opportunity to experience something you’ve never experienced, it’s a chance to learn and grow.

What do you want in relationships?

It’s so interesting that often in different types of relationships we hold back instead from just being ourselves and allowing things to work out the way they’re meant to be.

You make a conscious effort to be less of yourself instead of just modelling what you want from your relationships. This choice leaves you feeling unfulfilled. You may end up finding yourselves in spaces you don’t want to be in, sometimes even with people you don’t really like because you have sacrificed your true self.

I think sometimes we’re scared to be ourselves for fear of rejection and so we wait for others to go first and be open. But if you find yourself in a space where you think you’ll be rejected for simply being yourself, then deep down (or maybe even just beneath the surface), you know that you’re somewhere you don’t really want to be.

Perhaps you want people in your life that you can be vulnerable with, yet when you have the opportunity to open up you choose to resist. And if the people around you aren’t being vulnerable with you, you end up feeling frustrated. But I think it’s fair to ask yourself, if you’re not willing to open up why should anyone else?

And in the grander scheme, if you aren’t willing to show up as your truest self in your relationships, why should you expect anyone else will?

Accepting less

Why do people accept less than they truly desire?

I think it comes from a lack of belief that you can attain the things that you want. Instead of being clear and saying no, you say yes because you don’t believe there is any other choice.

I think the fact that deep inside you know exactly what you want is enough of a reason to follow through with that in life. You think the opportunity to have what you really want isn’t there and so you settle for less. But I think that maybe the truth is that you don’t hold the desire of what you want strongly and clearly for long enough for the right opportunity to come along.

Instead you give up and tell yourself something like, ‘Well, I can’t have what I really want so I’ll find something else that is another version of what I really want’.

In order to go from accepting less to accepting more, you have to change your beliefs.

And that could be through daily affirmations, meditations or even just forcing yourself to hold out for that little bit longer instead of settling like you usually do.

Room for flexibility

When you know what you want it’s easy to end up being closed off to all else. After all, you don’t want to get swept up in something that will veer you off path.

But as much as it’s important to know what you want, it’s also important to allow some room for flexibility. Often the things we want come packaged differently to how we expect.

And so if you’re too rigid, you might end up missing out on the very thing you’ve been striving for.