If you had to pick between the 2, which one would you go for.
When you think about word association exciting is probably associated with words like fun but also maybe risk.
Comforting on the other hand is probably associated with familiarity and being boring.
Despite what you might think you’d choose, if you look back on your past choices many people find that they choose comfort, over and over again.
I think the reason for this is that even if we can’t admit it, we’d much rather stick with what we know and be bored than take a risk and potentially have it go wrong.
And so the real choice we give ourselves is risk or relief.
It’s easy to put things off and get caught up in analysing every possible outcome.
You might find yourself visualising the path you’re considering, hoping for a sign that the time to do it is now.
Or maybe you go online and do some research hoping to find a story that resonates from someone that took a chance.
There are only ever 2 choices, do nothing or do something.
Staying still, stuck and stagnant rarely feels good. Often once the moment to choose passes and you do nothing you end up regretting it.
But when you decide to take action and do something you open yourself up to the possibilities of life.
It might scare you but sometimes it’s time to jump.
If you had £10million what would you do differently?
We otfen think that money is the biggets barrier to us being able to achcive our dreams. However, that is rarely the case because where there is a will there is a way.
The real barrier is a little more challenging to overcome.
The real barrier is fear, a lack of confidence or low self-esteem, the list could go on.
If you’re scared to pursue your dreams without money you’ll still have some of that fear leftover when money is no longer an issue.
So work out what you’re afraid of and overcome it so that it’ll no longer hold you back.
All decisions about whether or not you should do something come down to yes or no questions.
Should I move to another city?
Should I cut my hair short?
Should I ask him out to dinner?
The questions on their own are simple but when we add in context, feelings and fears we make it much more complicated. Granted, context can be helpful because if the person you’re considering asking to dinner is in a relationship, it’s probably best not to bother.
However, the added information can also be unhelpful.
Take moving to another city, you might be super excited but also kind of scared because of the uncertainty, even though you feel like you need a change.
When you allow feelings related to fear to be at the forefront of your mind, it can often hinder your ability to make decisions.
So sometimes it’s best to remove all the details and ask yourself a simple question. Answer yes or no, stick with it and move forward.
Sometimes when there’s something you want to say the easiest way to bring it up is to wait for a ‘cue’.
My dictionary defines a cue as ‘An action or event that is a signal for somebody to do something’.
In this case the thing to do is bring up a topic that is difficult to speak about or difficult to for people to listen.
However, the problem with waiting for a cue is that sometimes other people will not consider your approach genuine. But furthermore, it stirs up the question of why you’re unable to bring the topic up on your own.
Why do you have to wait for a cue?
Perhaps because you’re not ready to admit how much the topic matters or maybe you just don’t dont have the confidence yet.
It might not be easy the first time but get used to talking about what matters, you don’t need to wait for a cue.
It’s one thing to have all these really good ideas but it’s another thing to put yourself out there.
Often the reason for holding back is fear that comes in the form of what ifs.
What if I’m not good enough?
What if nobody is interested?
What if peopel make fun of me?
What if I fail?
The questions go on and on until you’ve totally written yourself off.
But the chances are that if you never try you’ll always wonder if things could have turned out okay, so maybe it’s worth a shot.
Take a risk, put yourself out there.
In a recent conversation where two people were giving career advice, I noticed a wide gap between their perspectives.
The first person spoke about doing something you were interested in, gaining a qualification and working hard to be a specialist in your field.
The second person just spoke about picking a career in a field where jobs were widely available.
The first person was focused on achievent whilst the second was focused on fear.
Based on the kind of life that I want, if I had to pick one of the two pieces of advice, I’d go with the first persons.
As much as stability is important so is enjoying (or at least liking) what you do.
So often we rely on being confident before we do something without knowing how we’ll get there or how it will feel.
But when it comes to overcoming a lack of confidence, it only takes a willingness to be outside of your comfort zone long enough to get more comfortable.
One day you’ll have the confidence to do whatever it is without the nerves. Then, maybe after a few months you’ll find yourself volunteering to do the thing that once scared you.
Taking space is something we’re often reluctant to do.
It could be space from a person, a habit or even just social media.
For me the purpose of space is to gain clarity.
It’s difficult to get that when you’re in the situation which is why it is necessary to remove yourself.
At first you always miss the thing that you’re taking space from because you’re so used to it being part of your day to day life but then you feel refreshed and wonder why you clung to that thing so much in the first place. Then after that comes the sense of knowing that without this thing in your life you’ll still be totally fine.
I don’t think we always anticipate that that last realisation will come which is why we can be reluctant to give things up.
I think we quite often think the opposite which is that we’ll feel as though we can’t live without the thing or come to crave it even more than before.
It could be something like snacking on sugary foods, a person you believe yourself to be so totally in love with or maybe it’s Instagram.
Whatever it is in your life, don’t be too afraid to take space from it.
You might even find that you no longer want the thing in your life and if that’s the case, be willing to let it go.
Not everything is meant to last.
Sometimes we trick ourselves into accepting things that we don’t want. We make excuses and convince ourselves that we’re so totally content with our current circumstances.
This happens for a variety of reasons but a major factor is our core beliefs. If you don’t think there is something better out there for you then will always settle even if that means being perpetually unhappy.
The wake up call that you’re not as happy as you think will come when you least expect it. Perhaps you will encounter someone or something that represents what you really want. Then suddenly you find yourself wondering how you could have ever thought that you were happy with what you had accepted.
It’s like clearing the colour from your rose tinted classes and finally seeing things as they are.
A great way to stop yourself accepting less is to check in with yourself regularly. When you’re not where you should be you can end up getting so used to the anxiety that you don’t even realise that it’ there until you leave
Make a note of what you want in different areas of your life and think about how it would feel.
Lets say you moved into a tiny apartment in a neighbourhood you don’t like but you tell yourself you’re happy because you’re saving money and you don’t even spend much time at home anyway. That’s you convincing yourself that you’re okay with not feeling comfortable in your local area and that you don’t want to spend time at home.
But if the notes you make on what you want from your home and how you want to feel don’t align with your reality then you might want to make some changes. That might mean paying a little more to be in an area, in a bigger apartment or both.
That’s the power of checking in, it allows you to identify whether the life you’re creating is the life you actually want.