If you’re in a situation that you anticipate could be challenging, you may feel like the best thing to do is back down. That way you no longer have to deal with things or worry about the outcome being far from ideal.
But backing down can also mean that you aren’t willing to stand up for yourself. Sometimes we convince ourselves that backing down is the right thing to do. Other times, we worry that by not backing down, we’re making things difficult for others.
You end up being so considerate of other people that you’re not even willing to stand up for yourself. Backing down is easy and sometimes it might even be the right thing to do. However, if you’re backing down out of fear or your desire to please or appease others then maybe you’ll be better off standing your ground.
…and when to fold ’em.
I know next to nothing about Poker but I love this phrase.
When you have the choice to either stick with something and hope for the best or to bow out and move on, it can be difficult. Sometimes we end up believing that we should stick with things until we’ve ‘fixed’ them. Or we tell ourselves that we should keep going even when it’s clear that things aren’t working well.
We think we’re doing the right thing when really we’re just making ourselves a little bit more miserable as days go by.
In contrast, walking away sounds too much like we’re giving up, that’s the reason we won’t do it.
And like that phrase goes, better the devil you know. There’s always this fear of walking away and ending up in a situation that leaves you worse off than when you started.
But that outlook is so bleak and unhelpful, perhaps it is seen as realism. However, it’s always important to consider that things might not get worse, they might actually get better.
There’s a choice to be made that sometimes ends up being a sacrifice.
It’s possible to have security and happiness but people often make choices that prioritise one over the other.
They do this for reasons such as fear, a lack of self belief or because they have people relying on them.
It becomes difficult to choose to pursue something creative where you know you’ll go through a period of low finances and you have people to support. In cases like the choice is security because if you pick happiness the people that need you are now at risk.
Sometimes in life you do have to do things you might not want to do but it’s important that you do it for the right reasons. Choosing a path based on security because you have children to care for is very different from choosing security because you’re trying to appease your parents or impress other people.
Sometimes you need a few words of encouragement to get started. maybe you’re afraid and keep putting things off because you think it will be much eaiser to do it later.
Instead you find that the longer you wait, the less you feel ready to begin.
You make excuses like it’s not the right time, you’re not good enough or that you need to spend more time planning and preparing. And it’s okay to need more time but it’s not much use without having a deadline for when you will begin. You could end up planning for the next 10 months.
You have to start changing the way you think about things, it’s rare that anything needs to be perfect before you begin putting it out for people. It could be blog posts, YouTube videos, a podcast or a bunch of other stuff.
The right time is now so don’t put off starting any longer.
Write it down.
Sometimes when preparing to have particular types of conversations we spend a lot of time gathering information and planning what we want to say.
We do this because we want to be prepared and we want things to run smoothly. Also, many of us have probably had situations where we got flustered or overwhelmed and forgot what we’d planned to say.
However, despite this, we sometimes don’t end up writing things down.
Maybe it feels silly and you’re worried about sounding rigid when you talk or appearing to be reading off some sort of script. And so when we have the conversation, even if it goes alright, once it’s over we realise their were things we forgot to say.
I think a big reason why we sometimes avoid setting boundaries is because we think don’t know how to do it. However, it turns out the setting boundaries is like everything else, getting good takes practice.
And so like Zig Ziglar said ‘anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well’.
Instead of shying away from setting boundaries because you think you’ll do it badly, embrace where you’re at and in time you’ll get better at it.
I think that sometimes we’re afraid to ask for what we want because we’re afraid that we won’t get it.
And so, it seems easier to stay where we are and to stick with what we have right now than to seek more. If you don’t believe that you can have it then what’s the point?
But, I still think that it’s important to ask and to seek more. This is how you create the life that you want. If your expectations and ideas of what you can have and what is possible for your life are capped based what particular people will agree to, then you’re never going to have the life you want.
Just because one person says no, doesn’t mean you’ll never get a yes. It’s also important to remember that you might not even need anyone’s permission, you can decide what you want for yourself and then go for it.
Before you ask the question, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you want the answer to be.
Sometimes it goes as far as you formulating a question in order to hear a specific answer, like prasie or a compliment.
And sometimes it comes from a place of vanity but other times perhaps you need a little reassurance or a confidence boost.
Then there are other situations where we beat around the bush and ask questions that don’t quite get us the information we wanted. We’re indirect instead of direct. We do this from a place of fear.
When you’re scared to ask a question it’s much easier to ask around the question but the issue with this is that you end up unsatisfied.
The answer you get doesn’t satisfy you because you really wanted to ask about something else. You end up still having more to ask.
This is why it’s so important to ask the right questions.
When it comes to making things happen, we sometimes underestimate the power of letting things go.
We have to make room in our lives for the things we want instead of holding on to the things we no longer need for the sake of nostalgia or fear of change. Sometimes, we feel like letting go means we don’t value things. Other times, we convince ourselves that holding on to the memories will not be enough.
You might even be holding on to the fear that if you let go of something you’ll end up wanting it back or that nothing else good will come into your life.
But letting go is powerful.
It shows that you’re not willing to keep what you don’t need, that you believe better is possible and that you’re open.
On the flipside, holding on to things that you no longer need shows the total opposite.
Letting go can be scary, terrifying in fact. But, once you start doing it and especially if you start with something big, it gets a lot easier.
This happens because you realise that you’re completely fine without the thing you thought you needed.
However, when you’re caught up in the moment going back and forth over whether not not to let something go. it’s difficult. Sometimes no amount of reassurance and advice is enough to make you believe that things will turn out okay.
Perhaps, you believed that your whole world would implode, that you’d be miserable or that nothing good better could come into your life. And maybe you do feel that way for a little while after but then things will start to change. Eventually you’ll find yourself pretty happy with your decision, a weight will have been lifted off your shoulders and maybe you’ll even wish you’d made the choice to let go sooner.