Lessons in solitude

In the company of one as in you, yourself and um you, there are many valuable lessons to learn.

A significant one being Who am I?

It’s much easier to gain an understanding of yourself when you’re not having to consider others. I think that the aspects of you in solitude should be the aspects of you that show up when you’re in the company of others.

Things like being able to say what you want, contribute opinions, take the lead and just be you.

For example, when you’re doing things alone you have to make decisions, you can’t rely on others to choose for you.

But for some despite how they are when they’re alone, in the company of others they end up being ‘them but less’, perhaps a little passive or even submissive.

You do it because you want to play the peacemaker or not rock the boat, you don’t think you deserve to be heard or perhaps you’re just scared.

Hiding/playing small is difficult to overcome once it’s ingrained in you as a habitual response.

But change is possible, it just takes practice.

Asking for feedback

Some are scared to ask for feedback whilst others are afraid to give it.

You don’t want to offend anyone or maybe if they’re more experienced than you, you don’t think you have the authority.

But I’ve learnt that it’s good to ask for feedback. In fact, I’m trying to do more of it in all aspects of my life. From colleagues, my manager, family, friends and even from you.

It’s not about looking for praise or a harsh critique but instead about opening yourself up to the perspective of the observer or receiver because you don’t see things the way they do.

For example, at work you may think that you’re doing your job well because you haven’t been given a warning or been told you’re under-performing. However, perhaps your manager has noticed you could do x, y or z differently but hasn’t said anything because you aren’t bad at what you do.

It’s about being open to seeing that there is room for improvement.

And so I wanted to ask, if you had to make a remark about this blog, what would you say?

Leave a comment or drop me an email: thedailygemm@gmail.com

A womans liberation

This isn’t about a movement for equality, it’s something personal.

Liberation is a beautiful thing.

I recently realised that I’m experiencing a period of liberation in my life and it feels amazing.

The best part is I liberated myself. It wasn’t from any single action but instead a collection of things like daily gratitude, monthly morning manifestos, having open conversations about how I feel and allowing myself to be vulnerable.

The liberation has only just begun but so far it has shown up as me just being myself. In the past, I’ve had a lot of situations where the worry and fear overpowered my ability to do the things I wanted to do and so I would hold back.

The art of being yourself should be like free flowing water, it doesn’t require worry, going back and forth until you’re mentally exhausted and leaving situations wishing that you’d allowed yourself to be seen.

I feel as though I am entering a new stage in my life which is quite fitting as 2019 is coming to a close and the new decade is on the horizon.

I’m sharing this major growth point in my life with you because it is exactly what this blog is about. You have the opportunity to overcome the challenges you face and explore the joy of life.

 

 

 

Exposed

How do you feel when you try something that doesn’t work?

One of the things that limits people from trying new things or just being themselves is not the thing itself but the feeling that comes afterwards.

That feeling of being exposed. Of all eyes on you and nothing to show for yourself. The thought of people knowing you tried and failed.

Especially when you already feel your own disappointment.

So, how about if instead of focusing on how bad it feels you focus on being kinder to yourself.

After all it might be worth acknowledging that you had the courage to try in the first place.

Embracing a care-less mentality

Mid-week musings on not embracing anxiety.

If you find yourself caught in the analysis paralysis of indecision it might be worth making a conscious effort to care-less.

Instead of allowing the thoughts to go on and on until breaking point, give yourself a deadline.

3 minutes, 3 hours or 3 days before you have to take action. Do it for at least a week and keep a dairy of the decisions you made and the outcome.

The ideal outcome would be that you find that whether you care or care-less things will still be alright which is a pretty good reason to stop being so afraid of making decisions.

You’ll have physical evidence that what you decide isn’t always the most important thing it’s how you feel and your attitude towards what you’ve decided.

And if you find you’ve picked something that didn’t result in the desired outcome , then it’ll be the perfect time to practice your bouncebackability.

At the end of trying out a different approach to decision making the beauty of it is, is that if it was just totally dreadful you can always go back to your old approach.

If that’s the the case at least you tried which is often more important than the actual result.

Don’t wait until you’re ready

Because you’ll never be ready.

When it comes to fear the mistake we often make is trying to wait for it to go away.

It probably won’t.

But there you are saying no and putting things off because you think that by doing nothing the feeling will go away.

Instead how about try leaning into that feeling (I think Stacey June said something about leaning in on her podcast and maybe she got it from Brene Brown).

Anyway, an important lesson I’ve learnt this year is that you can’t bypass stuff so embrace it.

If not you’ll just end up making excuses and nothing will ever get done.

Pick something

Anything!

We’re constantly making decisions each day. Some are small scale like toast or cereal for breakfast, whilst others can have more of an impact.

It’s easy to go back and forth when you have multiple options and are intent on picking the ‘right one’.

But it’s often the act of picking that’s more important than what you actually pick.

If you struggle to make decisions, you don’t need to get better at being right, you need to work on being more decisive.