Worth seeking advice from

Just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re the best person to seek advice from.

I think there’s a level of vulnerability that comes with asking for advice, to be open and honest enough to say ‘Hey, so I’m going through xyz and I just wanted to get some advice from you asĀ I’m not really sure how to move forward.’

Something I’ve learnt is that when I have a difficult decision to make it helps to view the situation from a different perspective and sometimes that happens quickest when you talk to someone.

However, it’s important to make sure that you’re talking to the right person.

For me that would be:

Someone I trust.

Someone I look up to.

Someone I admire.

Someone who has my best interests at heart.

Someone who will give impartial advice.

Someone with experience.

When you feel stuck and want some advice you probably want it from someone who can help steer you in the right direction rather than someone who leaves you feeling stressed or further fuels your indecision.

Whilst recently asking for advice I realised that often the main thing I want is someone who can shift my perspective.

Perhaps to not even advise on my specific situation but to remind me that I’m capable of making the ‘right’ decision.

Everything must go!

There’s a lesson in almost everything.

How much stuff are you holding onto that doesn’t feel good.

Think about who or what you’re following on social media, what are you subscribed to, the contents of your closet or home space.

How does it make you feel?

If it doesn’t feel good, why not?

Furthermore, why are you still holding onto it?

A think a bi-annual (if not seasonal) life cull is a useful way to ensure that you’re only letting the good stuff stay. It’s important to be strict when you cull or else you end up keeping things for no real reason, you have to be honest with yourself about what you actually want or need in your life.

Do you need those slingbacks from 6 years ago that you’ve only worn once?

Do you need to keep following that stranger who is friends with that super hardworking, inspiring and stylish woman (who is also a stranger)?

Or how about that book you know you’ll never read or those old bedsheets that are just taking up space?

If it’s not something you use, know you will use or doesn’t serve any purpose in your life aside from being clutter then there’s not much use holding onto it.

When you’re going on a journey, you can’t take everything with you.

Godin, sunk costs and making the right decision

In the process of making a difficult decision I turned to the words of Seth Godin for guidance. I found a few useful posts on sunk costs and it made me realise one of the things I needed to stop considering.

The past.

When making plans for the future if you do it based on past experiences that didn’t go to plan it taints your mind.

Decisions based on the past are too often made from a place of fear or include factors that have no bearing on the future unless you let them.

I think it’s useful to start by wiping your slate clean. Start with where you’re at right now and weigh up the pros and cons of both choices. And consider what you want and what your personal plans are not just what looks good on the outside.

If you had a time machine…

The idea of going back in time and making better decisions, saying yes instead of no and being in the right place at the right time is quite appealing.

Maybe you think your life would improve tenfold if only you could go back and change a few little things.

Perhaps your right but the thing is time travel isn’t possible.

It might be much more useful to give some thought to what you can do today to cultivate the life you want right now.

Instead of wishing your present circumstances away commit yourself to changing them.

Our life paths aren’t linear so just because you went down road A initially, doesn’t mean you don’t still have access to almost every other road.

Petal picking and other ways to make decisions

You know that thing you do as kid or maybe just that thing in general of picking flower petals and saying ‘he loves me, he loves me not’. Or maybe flipping a coin or rolling dice and saying ‘if it lands on X then i’ll…’.

I recently started doing that again but with other things. With the coins on my window sill and the beads on my bracelet.

It may seem strange but there’s a method to the madness. I do it to work on becoming less indecisive. When you stop putting so much pressure on the decisions that you make it helps reduce anxiety but also teaches you that if you’re caught between 2 decisions it will be okay either way.

That sort of thing is what I call ‘Mind management’. It’s about understanding that you can make changes to the way your mind works if it isn’t benefiting you. When I first realised that a few years ago, it was pretty liberating.