Saying yes to what you want

The idea of saying yes to what you want is pretty simple yet somehow we often end up doing the opposite.

We end up saying yes to things that we don’t want.

We have this idea in our mind of what we want, what we’ll say yes to and what we’re willing to accept. Then, when the moment arises where we have the opportunity to show up truthfully, we crumble.

We say yes instead of no and we make allowances or excuses for other people. It’s like we intentionally draw the short straw. It could be about people pleasing, a fear of hurting other peoples feelings or maybe you’re just scared to say no.

What ever the reason, you’re the one that then ends up committing to something that doesn’t even align with what you really want.

And when this happens, it shows. You give less effort, show less enthusiasm and even if you don’t say it, you end up giving off a sort of ‘I don’t want to do this vibe’.

Essentially you just make things harder for yourself and you end up less happy than you could have been.

Bridging the gap

There is a gap between our wants and our actions.

For example, the gap between wanting to do better and actually doing better.

I believe that there is a always a gap but by putting in the effort little by little you’re able to bridge the gap. However, their is also the danger of falling into the gap by becoming inconsistent, uncommitted and making excuses. Essentially, your actions are no longer aligned with the things you say you want.

An example of this could be if your want is to become healthier but your action is eating chocolate cake for breakfast instead of something to provide nourishment to your body.

When you know what you want the focus should be on bridging the gap. Reflect on if the actions you’re taking are bringing you closer to where you want to be. Now this doesn’t mean never eating chocolate cake again but it probably means you shouldn’t be eating it everyday.

Getting back on track

Getting back on track often requires you to put in the work to make up for the fact that you’ve fallen behind.

You may start off slow then build up momentum until suddenly you’re working twice as hard.

And this hard work is required because you’ve made a commitment, you’ve made a choice about what you’d like to achieve and you believe that you can do it.

But it’s important to remember that this extra effort is only to get back on track, it should never become your norm.

Reasons to leave an online membership

This blog post is actually based on an online membership I joined earlier this year but recently cancelled my subscription for.

Prior to joining I was quite excited and I thought I would really enjoy the membership. It turned out that I thought the membership was pretty good and definetly worth the cost. However, it just wasn’t quite right for me.

But instead of cancelling when I came to that realisation I remained in the membership for a few more months. I wanted to give it a chance to see if I changed my mind plus I’d been a fan of this persons free online offerings for years so I felt conflicted that I didn’t like the membership as much as I thought I would.

In hindsight I should have just cancelled the membership staright away and then rejoined if I felt called to but instead I chose to trudge on. Looking back a key issue was the time difference. There would be interactive live sessions held in the morning but for me it was late the night before. It was difficult to interact with the content in the way it was intended because I was 10 or 11 hours behind.

The second thing was that some of the content didn’t quite resonate with me. It wasn’t that it was bad, it just wasn’t for me. It turned out that the stuff I liked the most was the stuff that was similar to what they shared for free. I came to realise that I didn’t really want all the other stuff from this person.

The last thing was that it felt a bit much for me to keep up with. There was regular short bits of content, 2 or 3 each week but after taking a break from the videos for a couple of weeks it felt like a lot to catch up with. This particular point is more that my commitment to keeping up with the content fell away and never really came back. Whilst other members were keeping up as new content was posted, I ended up viewing at my own leisure.

Despite all this it took me a few months to actually leave the membership*. But when I did, I didn’t regret it at all and I knew I wouldn’t be missing out on anything. Of course there would be great content to come but it simply wasn’t for me. I think I had a hard time accepting that because I didn’t expect it to turn out that way.

My main takeaways from this situation can apply to any sort of commitment made, it could be about work or something with a friend.

Sometimes in life, we put ourselves in situations that we think will be good for us. Perhaps we find that they are pretty good to begin with. However, it may turn out that somewhere along the line things change.

From the outside, the clear option is to leave. Yet when you’re the one in the situation suddenly it’s not so easy. You then end up staying in situations you don’t need to be in when you know that you should just leave.

Sometimes the issue is that we don’t trust ourselves enough in the moment when the thought first comes up. Instead, we give ourselves time to ponder and ruminate but more often than not we reach the conclusion that we already had to begin with.

* Another reason was because it was fairly inexpensive so it felt easier to keep paying whilst I made up my mind than to leave and potentially want to rejoin shortly after. I’ve been thinking and making notes about subscription services so expect more on this soon.

Optional commitment

In a recent conversation, I spoke about this blog and how I share something everyday. I explained that I don’t allow ‘feeling like I have nothing good to write’ to hold me back from posting.

For many people, the idea of making a commitment to do something that you don’t have to do every single day isn’t particularly appealing. Part of the reason for this is because there’s nothing to keep them on the hook. With the example of daily blogging, who keeps you accountable?

If I don’t post for a day or a week there are no repercussions. Nobody get’s annoyed and nobody will email to ask where the new blog post is, there are no real negative implications at all (aside from my own internal frustrations). And so if this is the type of thing you’re committed to, you need to find a strong reason within yourself to keep going because there will always be days where you don’t feel like it.

Showing up when you don’t feel like it

When you make a commitment to showing up consistently, it can be incredibly challenging on the days when you don’t feel like it.

When you feel low or you feel blue, when you want to take a break and escape from responsibilities just for a little while, it can be difficult not to hide away.

On the days when you feel good, vibrant and full of energy, showing up requires little of you. It’s easy and it’s something you’re in the mood to do.

But I think sometimes we fall into relying too much on how we feel to determine what we do. Of course I wouldn’t advocate for doing things that will make you miserable. However, sometimes the good feeling comes after you begin, like with exercise.

If you rely on feeling good to do it, you’d probably never get it done. And so the best thing you can do is focus on things like being consistent and committed instead

Starting and finishing

Sometimes one is much easier than the other.

There is always always excitement in the beginning, in that process of bringing an idea to life.

But then as things start to develop your interest wanes and finishing becomes an uphill battle. There is none of that ease and excitement that you had in the beginning, not even the thought of the final result is enough to spur you on.

And so, maybe you just decide to put the thing to the side or you finish it up to a bare minimum standard just to get it out the way.

But, what if things could be different. I think it’s unlikely that you’re motivation and vigour to begin can follow you through right to the end. However, what if you could learn to become a little more committed to the things you start, that you don’t have to rely on being excited in order to finish.

A great reason to exercise

Many people find it difficult to commit to exercising. One of the reasons for this is being focused on wanting to look a particular way which may not happen for 6 months.

If you show up for each session with your end goal in mind, you might find yourself getting frustrated or impatient because you know you still have a long way to go.

On the other hand, you could instead focus on the endorphins, the way exercising makes you feel. If every time you feel a little resistance to begin a workout you remind yourself of how good you’ll feel once it’s done, that might be all the motivation you need.

Knowing when to quit

Sometimes we back down from situations because upon reflection we can clearly see that the reason we pushed on with vigor and enthusiasm is simple because you felt as though you’d gone too far to turn back.

Or perhaps, you just didn’t want to accept that you were wrong.

But other times we back down because we’re not willing to commit to the cause and take things all the way. It might be a situation that you know will be difficult to overcome but your fear has made you believe that it it’s not worth it.

As much as it’s important to know when to quit, it’s important to know when to keep going.

Commitment to the writing practise

My favourite thing about this blog is that I’m driven by my commitment to writing more than anything else.

If I write something that gets 1 view, I’m just glad that I committed to writing something another day.

If I write something that gets 102 views, I’m glad that a bigger number of people got to read my words. That is a bonus on top of me committing to sharing something for another day.

When I started this daily writing practice it was not only because I wanted to challenge myself and wholeheartedly commit to something new.

I’m committed to doing the work as a priority, anything that comes along with it is secondary. That mindset makes posting daily 101 times easier because I’m not focused on getting my numbers up or having the most likes, comments or views.