Getting what you want

As much as you may say you want certain things, you might not want them as much as you think you do.

For example, wanting a dog but not wanting the extra responsibility required. It could be wanting a promotion but not the mentoring and leadership you’ll be required to give to colleagues once you’re higher up in the company.

It can actually end up being for the best to not get what you want because when you get it you won’t really want it. Sometimes we only realise this in hindsight. However, I like to believe that is the reason why certain things just don’t work out.

It might be frustrating in the moment but you’ll be much better off getting what you want instead of getting what you think you want.

Bridging the gap

There is a gap between our wants and our actions.

For example, the gap between wanting to do better and actually doing better.

I believe that there is a always a gap but by putting in the effort little by little you’re able to bridge the gap. However, their is also the danger of falling into the gap by becoming inconsistent, uncommitted and making excuses. Essentially, your actions are no longer aligned with the things you say you want.

An example of this could be if your want is to become healthier but your action is eating chocolate cake for breakfast instead of something to provide nourishment to your body.

When you know what you want the focus should be on bridging the gap. Reflect on if the actions you’re taking are bringing you closer to where you want to be. Now this doesn’t mean never eating chocolate cake again but it probably means you shouldn’t be eating it everyday.

The things you don’t want to do

Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do. But it’s important to remember, there are levels to this sort of thing.

You might not want to go to work but you have to. Work could be 9-5 or it could be a 12 hour shift, that’s a lot of time spent doing something that you don’t want to do.

You might not want to leave your house to collect a prescription. That’s not likely to take more than 30 minutes so even though you don’t want to do it, it’ll be over soon.

It’s really important to ensure that you’re not spending spending too much of your life doing things that you don’t want to do. Doing so may lead to a life of misery. And so if you find yourself spending large amounts of your day doing things you don’t want to do, maybe you could do something to change that?

Getting ready for what you want

If there’s something that you want and something that you’re working towards, you might find that you don’t quite know what to do once you finally get it.

We spend so much time wishing and pining for the things that we want that sometimes it takes finally getting them for us to realise that we don’t even want them anymore.

Or maybe once you get the thing you want you don’t really know what to do next.

This is about things like wanting a promotion but not fully considering that once you get it you’ll have more responsibilities. Instead you could begin by trying to get more experience in what will be involved in the new role before you get it so that when you do it’s a seamless transition.

It could be moving to a particular town that’s far from everyone you know but not considering that you might feel lonely for the first . To prepare you could come up with things you’ll do to meet new people such as volunteering or attending local events.

Or perhaps it’s wanting to go viral but not knowing what to do with the attention once you get it. You could instead focus on consistently putting stuff out so that when you gain an influx of attention nobody has to wonder ‘what’s next?’.

As great as it is to want things it’s also important to have some idea of what you’ll do once you get them.

Wants and actions

There is often a gap between what we want and our actions.

For example you could say that you want to be a writer but you never take up the opportunity to share your work or get feedback.

Or maybe you want to move to a new city but you never look for jobs outside the city you currently live in.

In situations like this, when you’re actions don’t align with what you say you want it’s quite unlikely that things will ever work out.

And maybe you don’t really want the things you think you want but maybe you do.

This is why it is so useful to reflect and check. You might not even realise that if you just make a few small changes you can start making good progress towards the things you want.

The benefits of regular reflection

I think regular reflection is necessary.

Take a little while to reflect on your life and think about what you have that you don’t need. It could be a physical possession but take the time to think a little deeper and find if their is any beliefs you hold that you don’t need in your life.

If you’re not actively thinking about the life you create for yourself, you’re much more likely to end up with something that you don’t want.

Our possessions and beliefs play a big part in that.

The way you think and the things you buy or own should reflect the life you want.

If you want a less is more kind of life that is chilled out, relaxing and calm but your home is cluttered and you believe your happiness will come from the things you buy, there’s a discord.

That’s a pretty clear example but it’s not always that obvious. That’s why it’s so useful to check in, reflect and take stock.

The build up

It’s easy to talk about things that are easy.

But when it comes to comes to feelings, wants and needs, things often get a little more challenging.

Often problems will arise, simply because you didn’t speak up and let the other person know how you felt or what you needed. When you hold things in, they rarely go away, they just build up over time.

So, maybe 6 months later when you feel angry and frustrated towards someone you won’t even consider that maybe things could have turned out differently, if only you had said ‘I want you to make more of an effort’ instead of keeping quiet.

Granted people won’t always meet your needs, even if you desperately want them too.

But you’re better off speaking up and giving the other person a chance, than just holding things in and ending up disappointed that people can’t read your mind.

Everything must go!

There’s a lesson in almost everything.

How much stuff are you holding onto that doesn’t feel good.

Think about who or what you’re following on social media, what are you subscribed to, the contents of your closet or home space.

How does it make you feel?

If it doesn’t feel good, why not?

Furthermore, why are you still holding onto it?

A think a bi-annual (if not seasonal) life cull is a useful way to ensure that you’re only letting the good stuff stay. It’s important to be strict when you cull or else you end up keeping things for no real reason, you have to be honest with yourself about what you actually want or need in your life.

Do you need those slingbacks from 6 years ago that you’ve only worn once?

Do you need to keep following that stranger who is friends with that super hardworking, inspiring and stylish woman (who is also a stranger)?

Or how about that book you know you’ll never read or those old bedsheets that are just taking up space?

If it’s not something you use, know you will use or doesn’t serve any purpose in your life aside from being clutter then there’s not much use holding onto it.

When you’re going on a journey, you can’t take everything with you.