If you feel a resistance towards something, it might simply be that you don’t want to do it.
And you don’t have to.
There will always be a time when working through it is an option and possibly the best choice to make. However, it’s perfectly okay to reach a point where you say ‘no’ and decide that certain challenges aren’t worth taking on.
It is really easy to give advice in hindsight or just from an outsiders perspective. However, when you are in the midst of a personal challenge it can be difficult to know how to help yourself in the moment. It’s something that takes time and practice.
I’ve had plenty of times when I’ve felt stuck. Sometimes sitting around, wallowing and doing the bare minimum feels like the only thing that you can muster the effort for. However, if you’re willing to step outside of yourself and whatever situation you’re in you’ll see that there are plenty of other things you can do that would be much more useful.
Doing a workout because endorphins make you feel good.
Going for a walk in nature because nature is a healer or will at least help you feel calm.
Venting to someone that won’t give advice because often you just want to be heard and don’t need someone to tell you what to do.
Have a solo dance party because your favourite music will always brighten your day.
Journaling to work through your feelings because it helps bring clarity.
Sometimes you can spend the whole year learning, growing and developing. It’s gotten to the point where you’ve now changed. You no longer do the unhelpful things you used to do. It may have been saying you’re okay with things that bother you, going out because you feel like you should and not because you want to or avoiding difficult conversations.
Then suddenly, just when you think the new you is fully ingrained, you stumble at the last hurdle. Often it’s because you’ve reverted back to an old environment where you’re unhelpful behaviour felt ‘safe’.
It’s easy to just do what you’re used to doing, what you’ve always done. But this time you have options. Before reacting to a situation, take a moment to remember all that you’ve learnt and choose to do something different.
Merry Christmas dear reader.
I hope you’re having a wonderful day.
The festive season is often the time of year that we remember to be grateful, spend time with people we love, disconnect from social media and slow down.
Maybe you could carry these things with you into the new year and beyond.
In a recent post I wrote about embracing awkward. Shortly after I realised that what I was referring to was anxiety, specifically social anxiety.
I then got thinking about what being socially anxious looks like. I think when a person becomes aware of their own behaviour, they can end up amplifying it. You’re sitting there doing the thing and instead of catching yourself, stopping and doing something else you just do it more whilst your inner monologue runs wild.
It’s like you’re paralysed unable to do what you know would be helpful. And from the outside you appear awkward like it’s some sort of quirky personality trait which is often easier to accept than anxiety.
I recently unsubscribed from an email list. Afterwards, I got thinking about why I did it for that particular brand and why I’d do it in general.
We all already get way too many emails and so an additional 5 a week from a company you bought hair products from once and don’t plan to buy from again is just too much.
Just because we place one order with a company, doesn’t mean we’re interested in their email marketing. We might want updates on sales or new products they come out with but everything else is just annoying.
And lastly, we want to feel respected. Just because someone now has our email when we’re being bombarded with emails every few days or even weekly it feels like excessive. I think we’d all much rather read emails that feel important to us (not just to the person sending them) even if their intention is to get us to buy more stuff.
But the more emails we get the less helpful it feels and so we decide that we’d rather have no emails at all and we click unsubscribe.
I think that many people would like to think that they are open to change.
Whether or not this is true can be easily tested. See how they react to things not going how they wanted.
It turns out many of us are actually only open to change within the parameters of getting some version of what we want.
We think this way because we think that we know what the best outcome is. To be open to anything else is the equivalent of wanting bad for yourself.
And that is okay, it’s rare that a person wants things to turn out badly.
But if you shift your mindset, things not going as planned can just be unexpected or challenging situations for you to work through, they don’t need to be bad or even good.
When you do this it makes it much easier to manage when things don’t go to plan.
When you’ve fallen behind, it can be difficult to catch up. You find yourself having to work double or triple time to get back to where you want (or need) to be. You might even find yourself questioning whether it’s even worth it.
Maybe instead of potentially over-working yourself, you should simply go at your own pace. Slow down if you want to, stop if you need to.
If you’re catching up to something that you have to do, that you’re obligated to with consequences if you don’t get back on track, find a way to make it work. But if it’s something you’re doing for yourself, with no consequences, it’s probably not worth working yourself into the ground for.
Sometimes what we call procrastination is actually just making the choice not to do something. Just because you have a task to complete, doesn’t mean you need to do it right away, maybe you don’t feel like it.
We often create this sense of urgency as though nothing can or should be done any later than right now.
Of course, there is a clear issue when not completing the task has negative repercussions such as being overloaded, stressed and rushing to complete things. However, if you’re simply choosing to do something later then it might not be so bad.