Which one are you?
The first kind is the one we all know and love (or perhaps just tolerate through excessive eye rolls). This person is problem focused. They find a problem with anything and everything.
What’s worse is if you offer a potential solution they’ll probably find a problem with that too.
The second person is solution focused. They’ll complain as a way to vent their frustrations but then they’ll move on and do something about it.
The first person never manages to progress nearly as much as the second.
Anytime you’re being yourself (within reason of course).
I recently had a situation where I considered apologising. In the end I didn’t.
Instead of saying ‘I’m sorry’, I clarified my thoughts on the situation with the other person. You see after giving it some thought I realised that an apology didn’t feel like the right thing to do.
Granted, I didn’t like how the situation turned out initially but it served as a learning curve, a growth point that I needed to experience.
In the grand scheme it was a small-scale misunderstanding, not something worth regretting.
They didn’t work for me.
At the start of every month I used to write a bunch of goals (well more like to-dos), maybe around 25. At the end of every month I never failed to have at least a few things left.
28-31 days is a long time to plan for and I found myself just sort of creating a random todo list of stuff for the month that I just never stuck to.
I’d write them with good intentions but my actions for the weeks that followed were somewhat half-hearted.
Now granted the solution may have been to just get more committed but I actually just switched to weekly todo lists instead.
I’ve found that making plans for myself every seven days gives me a chance to be a lot more focused.
And as a result I’m slowly but surely getting better at getting things done.
It’s easier than you think.
If you watch and observe the way people behave you might notice that they avoid the main issue and instead focus on the small things that do not in-fact make the big difference.
Take for example the habit of procrastination. A procrastinator might end up feeling like they don’t have enough time to get things done. And so by making time the issue, you might think that the solution is to give them more time.
But all that happens is that extra time is still not enough, it’ll probably never be enough because the issue isn’t time, it’s procrastination.
That’s the thing that needs to be addressed anything else is just avoiding the issue
You can always go back.
One of the things that I don’t think is often considered is that when you leave your comfort zone you can always go back if things don’t work out.
For example if you make music and usually just keep it to yourself, try putting it out there for people to hear. Sure you might be nervous and it’ll take a bit of courage but if it doesn’t go well you haven’t lost out on anything.
And if you lose that feeling of courage you can always go back to keeping your stuff to yourself again, you can always go back to your comfort zone.
However, on the flip-side you can keep trying because good things take time and it’s like Ziglar once said ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well‘.
Just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re the best person to seek advice from.
I think there’s a level of vulnerability that comes with asking for advice, to be open and honest enough to say ‘Hey, so I’m going through xyz and I just wanted to get some advice from you as I’m not really sure how to move forward.’
Something I’ve learnt is that when I have a difficult decision to make it helps to view the situation from a different perspective and sometimes that happens quickest when you talk to someone.
However, it’s important to make sure that you’re talking to the right person.
For me that would be:
Someone I trust.
Someone I look up to.
Someone I admire.
Someone who has my best interests at heart.
Someone who will give impartial advice.
Someone with experience.
When you feel stuck and want some advice you probably want it from someone who can help steer you in the right direction rather than someone who leaves you feeling stressed or further fuels your indecision.
Whilst recently asking for advice I realised that often the main thing I want is someone who can shift my perspective.
Perhaps to not even advise on my specific situation but to remind me that I’m capable of making the ‘right’ decision.
It’s more than just comfort and familiarity but it’s both of those things too.
When you move on from something and you haven’t reached the place you moved on to, it’s totally normal to look back at what you left or let go of.
And when you’re in a place of limbo, perhaps feeling a little dissatisfied with where you’re at, you might find yourself looking back from a place of lack.
Then suddenly that thing you chose to leave looks golden and bright. You find yourself wondering why you even moved on in the first place.
But deep down you don’t really want that thing, you just crave certainty. It’s much easier to take a step back to the familiarity of what you know than it is to keep going and venture on into the unknown.