What’s the use in feeling bad about yourself?

Short answer: there is no use.

If it doesn’t feel good to feel bad then why not try something else?

It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when things go wrong but ruminating on that feeling isn’t likely to help you improve and get better at whatever you’re working on.

Perhaps asking yourself ‘what could I have done better?’ might be more useful.

Then take whatever is on that list and give them a go one by one until you find something that helps you improve.

I have no doubt that will be much more useful than the previous approach.

Working for the weekend

There’s got to be another way.

When it comes to work I don’t believe that you should hate it.

I don’t believe that you should drag your heels to your place of work, then exhale a deep sigh of relief as you leave on a Friday because it’s finally the weekend and you’re free.

If you don’t like where you’re at try something else and yes it is that easy. I’m not saying quit your job, that would be quite silly of me.

I’m saying if it’s really that bad, look for things you’re interested in and start applying.

How much better would it feel and how much happier would you be if you actually enjoyed what you do for a living?

Advice from your past self

Do you remember when you were your most confident self?

Common advice in challenging situations when we’re afraid is to ask ‘what would [insert name of inspirational person] do?’

I think that’s a really helpful tool but it can also just emphasise the gap between where you’re at and where you want to be instead of bridging it.

So, what if you consult your past self at peak confidence instead. If you were confidence once you can be confident again.

When you find yourself facing a challenge think of a time you were confident or did something difficult in the past. Close your eyes, visualise it, feel that feeling and keep it with you for when you need it.

Maybe it’s the memory of the solo you did in a school play that you can apply to leading your first client meeting.

When you’re caught in fear or your confidence is low it can be easy to forget that you once felt otherwise and that it’s possible to overcome that thing that scares you and feel confident again.

One small thing could change it all

It’s like a keystone habit but for moments.

A keystone habit is a term created by Charles Duhigg that was featured in his book The Power of Habit, in Duhiggs words it is ‘small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives’.

But what if that could be applied to moments that we experience.

Sometimes all it takes is a conversation to create a shift in perspective and if you follow that feeling it could end up changing your life for the better.

Imagine you’re pretty frustrated and uninspired by life then one day you meet someone and have a conversation about aspirations that moves you. So much so that you’re driven to make changes like start a project, spend more time with friends, make time for the people you live, go for that promotion at work, volunteer or pick up a hobby you’ve been meaning to try.

Chances are you have at least one conversation everyday so that perspective shifting moment could come at any time. However, it’s also important to not be too reliant on external factors in order to drive change in your life.

If you’re not happy with where you’re at you probably have some idea (no matter how vague) of the way you’d actually things to be.

You don’t need a stranger to prompt change in your life.

Knowing yourself vs knowing your anxiety

They might seem the same but they’re not.

An anxious person will grow to become familiar with the feeling of anxiety and how it manifests in they’re day to day life.

And over time they may find that they knowing doing certain things will trigger there anxiety so they won’t do it.

But not because it’s dangerous or unsafe but because they’re afraid. And the thing with fear is that it’s a feeling and so even when in your mind you know it’s fine your body is sending signals that it’s not.

So just because you know yourself when you’re afraid it’s not the same as knowing yourself because you’re more than your fears.

Chances are there’s so many aspects of you that you’ve not given yourself space to explore.

 

Scary but worth it

Don’t apply this to horror movies.

It can be difficult to get past the thing that scares you. The longer you put it off the more your reasons not to do it grow.

You come up with excuses like:

I won’t be good at it.

People will laugh.

Someone else would be better suited.

I’ll do it next time.

I didn’t have enough time.

And sometimes those excuses are totally valid but sometimes they’re just easy ways for you to hide away and tell yourself that it’s not possible for you.

If you think you won’t be good at it that’s normal when you’re doing something new and ‘anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well’ so give yourself time.

If you think people will laugh, let them laugh. The only reason it doesn’t feel good is because you’re paying attention to it, so stop.

If you think someone else would be better, ask yourself why. It’s easy to believe that others are more talented or more capable than you are when the truth could be that you’re just more consumed by fear.

Don’t be so reliant on next time as that time might never come. Plus to quote a song from Cheetah Girls 2 ‘why wait, now is the right time’.

Lastly, not to make you wanna through up by being cliche but we all have 24 hours in a day. Granted you might have kids, a full-time job, be in education and also be a carer to a family member so things might seem impossible but life is as life does.

You have to make the best of your circumstances and find a way to make them work for you.

If not let the dream go.

And so there’s no denying that overcoming your fears can be scary but it’s also worth it.

If that’s not a reason to try, I don’t know what is.

 

Meeting expectations

Not those of others but your own.

I think a lot of people have expectations for what they want out of life. And despite the popular phrase that goes something like ‘If you’re dreams don’t scare you they’re not big enough’, high expectations can be overwhelming.

But something that I’ve learnt is that you have to be committed and pace yourself. If you truly want to achieve something it shouldn’t be conditional, you should be dedicated to it.

I’ve also found it useful to check in and like to refer back to something Seth Godin once said about how you’re either talking to the wring people or you’re not making good enough stuff.

And I’m at a point where I can see that just because I’m trying hard doesn’t mean what I’m producing is good enough for the outcome that I want.

When that happens I take a step back and re-group. I think about what I’m doing that is good and how I can make it better.

My expectations of myself are quite frankly ridiculous which is why I find them overwhelming. Plus I often make the mistake of focusing on too much on the end goal instead of simply just doing the work.

I don’t have a roundup or a takeaway as I’m still learning how to manage the expectations I have of myself.

However, what I will share is that if you find yourself getting overwhelmed or frustrated you probably need to change what you’re doing or the way you’re thinking.