When you don’t have anyone to talk to

Through this blog you may have read the phrase ‘talking helps’ at least once or twice.

I’m an advocate for talking because it is something that has changed my life and I think it’s something that at time is overlooked.

As much as I can advocate for people to talk more, the truth is not everyone has someone they can talk to.

Perhaps you don’t have any friends, you’re scared to open up to a family member, you can’t afford a therapist/counselling or you’re on a GP waiting list that could take over 6 months.

Talking might not solve the issue but being able to get things off your chest can work wonders for your well-being.

There’s a free service called Samaritans that you can use to call, email, write a letter or even visit in person to talk face to face. They’re available in various countries around the world including America, UK and Australia

Samaritans is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide…

You don’t have to wait until you’re on the edge and life is getting to be too much, in fact you shouldn’t. Personally over the past year in particular I’ve found that talking about things more in general stops things becoming so overwhelming.

I think it’s lovely that these kinds of free services exist and I wanted to share it with you because it might be helpful for you or to pass on to someone you know.

 

Job satisfaction

Let’s delve into a topic that matters. But first cue the music *plays satisfaction by the rolling stones*.

If someone asked the question of what would make you happier in your current job, what would you say?

If the answer is more money, think again, think about the job itself.

Some possible answers could be:
To be less stressed
Work less hours
To feel more connected to the people you work with
To work on more interesting projects
To learn a software or a new skill
To have a manager that’s helpful
To feel heard
To be recognised for the work you do
To feel valued

Some of these could probably apply to life in general and I’m guessing the same could be said for whatever is on your list too.

A lot of us settle when it comes to what we do for a living then get surprised that we’re unsatisfied.

If you decided to work in healthcare because you were taught it was a good stable job and you got scared into believing that an ‘unstable’ job would be too risky, sure you might grow to like what you do but you also might not.

If you make choices based on the belief that you can’t get the things you actually want, well then you’re probably not going to get them.

Now let’s get back the list and against each point write down what you can do to make them happen. And what you will do if there’s any pushback.

After a month or so you’ll probably notice some changes in how you feel about your job.

If not you can always get a new one.

You don’t have to grin and bear it.

Moving forward

A major contributing factor to moving forward in life is being able to let things go.

It could be physical possessions, people or memories and experiences.

An easy example is if you tried something and it didn’t work out. If you can’t let go of the thing that didn’t work you may find that it underlies future situations when you try something new.

Suddenly you’ve become someone that believes that nothing will work out for you, you become closed off to new things and remain stagnant.

That may seem extreme but that’s the reality of life. You won’t realise how much that one situation affected you until you’re randomly pondering life one Sunday afternoon.

I don’t think there’s one specific way to let go, what works for one may not work for another so it’s important to figure it out for yourself.

Self-sabotage

How could I do that to myself?

The idea that we intentionally ruin things for ourselves is fascinating but also odd because despite causing the mess we often end up surprised, sad or angry that it happened.

Over-coming self-sabotaging behaviours can serve as a growth point where you have the opportunity to unlearn unhelpful beliefs.

Sometimes we mess things up due to limiting beliefs or our own insecurities become self-fulfilling properties. You might find yourself caught up in the unfortunate outcome that it doesn’t even cross our mind that you were the cause of it, or perhaps you’re not ready to admit it.

I’ve learnt that sometimes the problem is you. 

And the beauty of causing problems is that in most cases you can fix them too!

Comfortable or helpful

You can’t always have both.

So it turns out that the thing that brings you the most comfort might also be incredibly unhelpful to your personal development. It could even be the main thing holding you back from living your dream life, a life of bliss.

But you get so caught up in the comfort of this habit that has grown on you and with you that you can’t even see how it is hindering your progress.

On the flip-side of this is helpful habits and actions. If you’ve never done them before they probably feel a little uncomfortable but that is to be expected. Despite, how these things may feel they’re actually good for you and following though with them will lead you to your dream life, a life of bliss.

And so it’s a choice between short term discomfort for long-term joy or long-term comfort for long-term dissatisfaction.

The choice is yours.

Managing stress and deadlines

Been there done that, felt awful.

So, these are three little things that work for me because sometimes I need to remind myself that putting things off will never be helpful.

Start
Beginning as soon as possible gives you the most amount of time to work on your thing. I’ve found that it’s often when I leave things until the last minute I don’t have time to work through the challenging bit which shows up as things being too difficult when maybe what I needed was more time.

Plan
So I’m a planner. I find that it helps me feel less overwhelmed and gives me the structure I need. Otherwise I get caught up in my thoughts and nothing gets done. It also makes things easier for when you’re doing the work and leaves less room for distraction.

Talk
A recent lesson I’ve learnt. If you’ve started and made some plans but are still finding things difficult or maybe if it’s just stressful, talking helps . You might not think it’s true but you might be surprised. Voicing how you feel can be freeing and also depending on who you speak to you might get some helpful advice or a fresh perspective.

What works for you?

Embracing a care-less mentality

Mid-week musings on not embracing anxiety.

If you find yourself caught in the analysis paralysis of indecision it might be worth making a conscious effort to care-less.

Instead of allowing the thoughts to go on and on until breaking point, give yourself a deadline.

3 minutes, 3 hours or 3 days before you have to take action. Do it for at least a week and keep a dairy of the decisions you made and the outcome.

The ideal outcome would be that you find that whether you care or care-less things will still be alright which is a pretty good reason to stop being so afraid of making decisions.

You’ll have physical evidence that what you decide isn’t always the most important thing it’s how you feel and your attitude towards what you’ve decided.

And if you find you’ve picked something that didn’t result in the desired outcome , then it’ll be the perfect time to practice your bouncebackability.

At the end of trying out a different approach to decision making the beauty of it is, is that if it was just totally dreadful you can always go back to your old approach.

If that’s the the case at least you tried which is often more important than the actual result.