Adjustment period

Most change takes a period of adjustment to acclimatise to the new way of living. Yet so often we’re in a rush instead of embracing the settle down period.

Change is like a wave. It can be big, ferocious and and pretty intense. But then it eventually settles.

We tend to view the adjust period as a negative thing, something to get over as soon as possible as though it is something terrible. Change can be all of those things but it doesn’t have to be.

It’s not about getting overwhelmed by the new and falling apart each time your life becomes different, it’s about paying attention to where you are, how you feel and what you need.

Give yourself 5 minutes

It probably doesn’t seem like much or like it could possible be enough but sometimes all you need is 5 minutes.

So often we tell ourselves that we don’t have the time for certain things. They could be things that take minutes not hours or days but somehow we still find a way to make excuses.

Perhaps you’re feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. A thought comes to you that maybe meditating might help but you push it aside because you feel as though you don’t have the time.

But what if you just gave yourself 5 minutes.

I’ve found that more often than not, the act of slowing down to meditate even just for a little while works wonders. And other times, I am reminded of the importance of making time to slow down and so I give myself 20 minutes, half an hour or even an hour.

The problem is rarely that you don’t have time but instead that you aren’t willing to make time for the things that will actually benefit you.

5 things to do for when you feel stuck

It is really easy to give advice in hindsight or just from an outsiders perspective. However, when you are in the midst of a personal challenge it can be difficult to know how to help yourself in the moment. It’s something that takes time and practice.

I’ve had plenty of times when I’ve felt stuck. Sometimes sitting around, wallowing and doing the bare minimum feels like the only thing that you can muster the effort for. However, if you’re willing to step outside of yourself and whatever situation you’re in you’ll see that there are plenty of other things you can do that would be much more useful.

Things like:

Doing a workout because endorphins make you feel good.

Going for a walk in nature because nature is a healer or will at least help you feel calm.

Venting to someone that won’t give advice because often you just want to be heard and don’t need someone to tell you what to do.

Have a solo dance party because your favourite music will always brighten your day.

Journaling to work through your feelings because it helps bring clarity.

Figure out what you need

Through periods of overwhelm it’s easy to feel lost and stuck. When there are 101 problems finding a solution can be challenging.

Often, the best place to start is by figuring out what you need in the moment.

Finish the sentence:

When I feel anxious in a crowded place, I need…

Perhaps you’re in a crowded place feeling anxious, sirens are going off in your mind and part of you just wants to go home this instant.

But all you need is a moment alone in a quiet place to do something soothing like count, a sensory exercise or tapping.

It takes practice to know what you need, practice to know when to apply it and practice to be able to take space to care for yourself.

But practice makes perfect so it’s worth a try.

Unwanted offerings

Just becuase someone is offering something , doesnt mean you need to take it.

It can happen one of two ways

The first is someone extends an offering, you say no thank and continue to decline even if they keep pushing.

The second option is you accept the offering because you don’t want the other person to feel rejected.

If you have an issue with people pleasing, chances are you’re very familiar with the second option and struggle with doing the first. As much as it can be hard to turn something down that was offered with good intentions you have to learn to be clear and stand firm in your choices even if it doesn’t feel easy in the moment.

Embracing awkward

For those that consider themselves to be awkward and those that are self conscious of how they appear to others, being yourself can be difficult.

However, it turns out that the only way to overcome it is to embrace yourself with open arms.

Awkwardness is always amplified when you focus on it.

On the flipside, if you just focus on being yourself and provide a soft and gentle space where you let go of this idea of everything being perfect, it makes things easier.

It could be stumbling over your words when you approach someone new, your idea being shutdown in a meeting, being rejected, falling over in public or someone not getting your humour.

Nobody wants those things to happen but they’re not as bad as we make them out to be.

We can get so caught up in how we feel about ourselves and wanting to be seen a certain way that we assume things matter so much more than they do.

Your new idea might get shut down and whilst you’re now letting your inner monologue play out and tell you to never contribute again, someone else is thinking it was great idea or wishes that they’d had the confidence to contribute or even just come up with an idea.

This post is titled embracing awkward but you’re probably better off letting go of the labels and instead just embrace being yourself.

Wellbeing in the workplace

I think that this matters and I think I think that this is important.

If you had a conversation with a lot of companies, particularly since this covid pandemic, they would have something to say about the importance of wellbeing.

We’re all aware that peoples mental health and general wellbeing has been impacted by the pandemic for various reasons. It could be a lack of social interaction, feeling lonely, the change in routine, fear of getting sick, job security, financial issues and more.

But it might not be the pandemic that is the issue. What about if you go to work and you’re treated poorly, ignored, lied to, there’s a lack of trust, you feel stifled, you’re constantly overlooked, people don’t listen to you and you don’t feel respected, you might not even be aware of the impact it can have or is having on you.

Those things can have a significant impact on a persons wellbeing, particularly when they’re happening regularly.

And sometimes in the workplace these things are very covert. When you speak up you get generic responses that lack sincerity but are somehow just enough. Just enough for you to feel like you were overreacting, that maybe you’re not trying hard enough and that things will be better in the future.

However, if you’ve given things a chance to get better and things haven’t improved then you need to decide if the job is actually worth it.

Are you willing to sacrifice your wellbeing for the sake of a job?

Remember the basics

Sometimes we find the in life we get so swept up in the exciting, fun and challenging aspects of life that we kind of forget about the basics, we end up off track.

I think this happens to everyone every now and then. It’s important to firstly understand what on track looks like for you and then secondly to know what you need to do to get back on track.

For me, being on track means things like having a set morning routine, having slow Sundays where I’m relaxed, eating regular meals and going to bed before I feel sleepy instead of just passing out around midnight.

In terms of getting back on track, I understand that it’s more based around how I’m feeling rather than what I’m doing. In terms of quick things to do when I feel off track, things like my morning mantra, meditation, EFT, tidying my space or writing a to-do list all make great starting points.

I generally find that when I start with one small thing I’m able to then move on and do other things sort of like a domino effect.

It isn’t worth pretending

When people have an expectation of who they think or want you to be, they have a difficult time I’m accepting when you become something else.

It could be a permanent thing or perhaps you are just going through a phase but either way who you become is your choice. I think we all need to have the space to explore and experiment in order to find ourselves and figure out the kind of person that we want to be.

Unfortunately, sometimes because of the people around you, you end up pushing self-exploration aside. Instead, you’re so focused on what other people think, people pleasing and wanting to feel accepted that you would rather pretend to be someone you’re not.

Being yourself doesn’t even feel like an option.

I think it’s important to remember that being accepted for the person you’re pretending to be isn’t true acceptance. Once you really take that in, you’ll end up realising that it isn’t worth pretending anymore. You may as well just be yourself.

Do something that scares you

Halloween is the perfect time of year to be reminded to do something that scares you. It could be watching a psychological thriller that gives you heart palpitations and nightmares for a week. It could also be speaking up when you have something to say, saying no instead of yes or making an appointment with your doctor about something that’s been worrying you.

When things scare us our immediate reaction is often to run away from it because in our minds that makes sense and it’ll keep us safe. However, when you run away from something, you’re actually just avoiding it. It might not be an issue for today but it’ll be still be there tomorrow. And when you avoid something but know that you’ll have to face it eventually, you end up heightening the fear.

Suddenly, just the thought of speaking up is giving you heart palpitations and affecting how you sleep.

You have the option to face the thing that scares you and do what needs to be done. The outcome might not be perfect but what matters is that you tried. You might speak up and feel like you didn’t get your points across well. But if you keep speaking up you’ll keep improving. Then, one day it won’t even be something you have to think about, you’ll just do it.