Can you remember where you were at in life 3 years ago?
Did you have a job?
Where did you work?
Were you happy?
How were you spending your free time?
Where did you live?
What were you reading?
What were your life goals?
Who were your friends?
Who were you dating?
A lot can change in 1000 and something days and in a ‘go, go, go!’ society it can be easy to overlook just how far you’ve come.
Maybe you went from working part-time in a cafe, pretty happy with life, reading sci-fi and dating a dreamy guy who took you on picnics and twirled you to beautiful music.
But now you work full-time in HR, you’re not particularly happy, you have live in an expensive apartment in the city and don’t make time to read anymore.
And 3 years from now, things could be better, worse or maybe just different
It’ll almost always be easier.
Yet we often end up worrying about how wrong things went the first time and then history just ends up repeating itself.
And then we start to lose faith in our ability, thinking that things are impossible, that we are incapable.
The inner monologue gets carried away and you know exactly what that sounds like.
But what if the second time around we begin with a short reflection on the pros and cons of our previous approach and then create an outcome based action plan.
Taking a optimistic future oriented approach might just be more beneficial.
How one small act can change it all
One of my oldest beliefs is that pivotal moments exist. We don’t always recognise them in the moment but on reflection we can see that the small thing that we said or did changed the trajectory or has greatly impacted who we are today.
I experienced a pivotal moment over a year ago. I committed to an act of bravery in spite of fear and panic. Unlike before even, prior to taking any action I knew that I was on course to quite literally transform my life, I could just feel it.
It was that feeling that enabled me to go forth despite the survival mode bit of my brain presenting a strong case against doing what I wanted to do.
You like that song by that band you randomly came across on Spotify. They happen to be from the same city as your favorite Brit Pop band .
You follow the band on twitter, you tweet them about how much you love their music. You make your way through all their songs over and over again.
You know most of the words now.
You see that they have a show in your city and you squeal with excitement. You’ve been into this band for almost 6 months and getting to see them live is what you’ve been waiting for.
The cost of the gig is like £8, so cheap you book your ticket the day they go on sale.
The night has finally arrived and you’re at home pulling out the contents of your wardrobe. You need something that says, ‘I think you guys are so great and I love your music’ but at the same time is subtle and sophisticated.
You spend a few hours in a dimmed basement room with a drink in hand shouting along as the band performs their set. You manage to get front and centre, how else could you express to the band how much of a fan you are?
You jump, sing and shimmy the night away until suddenly they’ve reached their last song. The crowd is going wild, you’re glad to be apart of it. So carried away by the music that you become one of those people that clambers onto the stage. Theirs about 15 of you up their happy and smiling, there’s no doubt that this music means something to you.
And then the final song is over.
You’re buzzing full of energy and you’re sweaty but you don’t care.
You can’t wait to do it all again.
I think I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer but also someone who can spend long amounts of time in their own thoughts and their own company.
I did that so freely as a child and it’s only really as I got older that it felt like it became an issue. I fell into trying to be someone outside of who I am and other people would comment negatively on me simply being myself.
As much as I can be so many different things, the part of me that just likes to sit and get lost in creating always remains.
I was reflecting on an old friendship recently and I realised how empty and almost meaningless it had become.
I think it’s difficult to let go of a friendship where the passing of time has changed the way things were.
But there’s only so much you can give and there’s only so much you should give before making peace with the way things are and moving on.
However I find myself battling the part of me that struggles to move on unless things have gone up in flames. Because until that point I feel like there is still a possibility that things can be salvaged.
So, here I am waiting for flames.
It’s impossible to be prepared for every possible life circumstance that can arise. We don’t plan for people being unwell, long’term unemployment, falling into a depression, someone stealing your bag etc.
But the more I experience different aspects of life I’m learning to be okay with things that happen.
I remember years ago writing the words ‘I can’t control the the things that are out of my control.’
It’s pretty obvious when you think about it and despite knowing that we can’t control everything that happens we often end up still feeling this sense of helplessness.
Around 6 months ago someone stole my bag and I felt helpless but also annoyed. Some stranger now had the lip gloss I’d bought less than a week ago along with my journal.
Whoever took my bag probably hoped to steal something a little more significant so no doubt they were disappointed with what they found as 2 days later my bag was found on the street.
Things didn’t go to plan for them either.