I recently got some news and my immediate reaction was to conclusions of the worst case scenario.
It’s funny that we do that so often yet we rarely have the full picture or even half the picture.
Why is it that we give in to the inner pessimist and think the worst but never take the path of optimism?
Something that can help change your mindset is consciously thinking about things from a more useful perspective.
The assumptions we make often put us in the role of a victim and so we end up feeling helpless. But the optimistic path puts you in a position of power.
And a person that feels powerful believes in themselves which will totally transform their experience of life.
Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
I’ve been using the term push-back for a while. I use it to refer to how we react to negative/un-ideal circumstances.
But not any reaction just the specific ones often done when our emotions are heightened and we’re angry or frustrated.
Imagine you’re a kid and you’re parents refuse to give you the freedom you desire. It’s quite likely that you’ll be annoyed and find some way (even if it’s small) to rebel.
Maybe that’s always coming home late or creating a secret life for yourself like haha I’ll show you.
Or as an adult maybe you have lots of goals and plans and someone tells you to slow down or that you’re doing too much. If that’s not what you’re happy to hear you might end up just doubling down on all your stuff and possibly burning out. That’s a form of pushing back.
However, there are other ways that you can choose to handle or manage situations. For example, you’re trying to get your book published you get 101 rejections so you decide to self publish.
It’s a reaction to an un-ideal situation but it isn’t out of anger or frustration. A push-back could have been getting rid of your book or replying to the rejections in anger and frustration. But you have to think about what’s actually helpful.
It might feel good to push-back but it might be more helpful to think about what the kindest and most helpful thing you can do for yourself to overcome the situation is.
I think this is what they call a break through.
Perhaps we should look at situations from a neutral perspective.
The feeling you have towards any situation is not the problem and that is the mistake that is so often made.
We get so carries away by how dreadful it feels and sometimes that can spur us on but other times its just a hindrance. How are you supposed to go out into the world and thrive when you’re caught up in emotions.
Take unemployment for example. If you’re focused on how blah it feels to not have a job then every rejection email will be more likely to feel like a knock physically and mentally. Then before you know it you’ll be declaring that the job market is impossible and that you’re without a hope in the world.
The feeling is not the problem.
If you’re instead focused on the act of applying for jobs and improving your CV you’ll undoubtedly have a very different experience.
And the thing with a job is if there’s only vacancy and 50 people apply even if they’re all perfect applicants 49 people will still ‘lose’.
But that doesn’t make them losers it just means they have to keep playing that game.
I’m a personal journal/diary writer. It’s my trade of 10+ years and from doing that writing in first person using ‘I’ is something that comes naturally to me.
But when writing in a space for other people to read I’ve started to realise that unless I’m writing for you to get to know me then I should start using you or we.
And sometimes that means writing and then re-writing. But it’s not just about the use of I. It’s about having this space not feel like my journal (minus names and places).
But sometimes the use of I is necessary because I like to throw in bits of my life here and there so you know where I’m coming from rather than just throwing out things that are ‘helpful’.
On how sometimes the seemingly simple across of speaking up can transform your whole life.
Talking helps when you allow yourself to be open, honest and vulnerable with the right people.
This could be family, friends, your manager at work, your gp or perhaps a therapist.
We so often get caught in our own stuff that we build it up to be so much more than it really is but when you talk about it, often that other person can help you start to see things differently.
When you don’t say things and you keep everything inside it becomes much bigger, scarier and potentially life threatening.
I think the hardest part is taking the first step in saying this is happening in my life and I’m going to talk about it.
A question worth asking before you click publish in order to avoid that dreaded feeling of sharing something you’re not happy with.
Not everyone will get something from what you share each day but that’s not the point. The point is to share something you’re happy with.
If it sparks a thought or shifts a perspective etc then great but if not there’ll be something new tomorrow.
And the day after that.
Imagine that you could order a life refresh online and it would come in the post, perhaps same day amazon prime delivery. Maybe it would come in a sachet with fun 80s graphics on the cover.
You tear across the top, pour it into a glass of water, stir and drink.
It’d put you to sleep with the promise that you’d wake up to a new life or perhaps just a fresh perspective on your current life.
I think we often underestimate the power of perspective. You’re new life is here if you’re willing to think differently, to think another way.
I worry about sounding airy fairy when I come out with statements like that but the power of perspective is very real.
We all have at some point changed our thoughts and opinions on particular topics, looked at them from a different angle and realised that sometimes we have the opportunity to grow and think differently.
Even if it contradicts the way you used to think.