The wrong time to apologise

Anytime you’re being yourself (within reason of course).

I recently had a situation where I considered apologising. In the end I didn’t.

Instead of saying ‘I’m sorry’, I clarified my thoughts on the situation with the other person. You see after giving it some thought I realised that an apology didn’t feel like the right thing to do.

Granted, I didn’t like how the situation turned out initially but it served as a learning curve, a growth point that I needed to experience.

In the grand scheme it was a small-scale misunderstanding, not something worth regretting.

300 and something

Time flies when you’re daily blogging.

I’ve written over 300 posts for this site and I’ve manged to not run out of ideas.

If you’d have asked me 300 days ago what I’d be writing about towards the end of 2019 I’d have said ‘I’m not sure’. But something I’ve realised is that each blog post is simply the expansion of a thought and humans have tens of thousands of thoughts a day so I’ll never need to worry about running out of ideas.

And I find that the more I experience, grow and explore the more my perspective shifts and I’m able to expand on things I wrote previously or write them with a more developed mindset.

I also find that because I write each day I’m not so focused on the stats. However, what I do notice is familiar usernames that regularly read my posts and that is something I truly appreciate.

Worth seeking advice from

Just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re the best person to seek advice from.

I think there’s a level of vulnerability that comes with asking for advice, to be open and honest enough to say ‘Hey, so I’m going through xyz and I just wanted to get some advice from you as I’m not really sure how to move forward.’

Something I’ve learnt is that when I have a difficult decision to make it helps to view the situation from a different perspective and sometimes that happens quickest when you talk to someone.

However, it’s important to make sure that you’re talking to the right person.

For me that would be:

Someone I trust.

Someone I look up to.

Someone I admire.

Someone who has my best interests at heart.

Someone who will give impartial advice.

Someone with experience.

When you feel stuck and want some advice you probably want it from someone who can help steer you in the right direction rather than someone who leaves you feeling stressed or further fuels your indecision.

Whilst recently asking for advice I realised that often the main thing I want is someone who can shift my perspective.

Perhaps to not even advise on my specific situation but to remind me that I’m capable of making the ‘right’ decision.

What it means to be a good person

Let’s start with the letter S for self sacrifice.

When you live your life trying to be a good person you’ll find yourself pulled in every which way.

Often what people judge a persons goodness by is how much you do for them.

And in a bid to keep the title of the most good of all. You might find yourself bending, doing the most and going above and beyond to please people.

But as much as it’s great to go above and beyond (for the things that matter), it’s impossible to please everyone. It’s a losing game.

So it might be much more useful to focus on being generous, kind and thoughtful but don’t do it for other people. Do it for you because it feels good and maybe because you’ve decided that that’s the kind of person you want to be.

The optimists way

I recently got some news and my immediate reaction was to conclusions of the worst case scenario.

It’s funny that we do that so often yet we rarely have the full picture or even half the picture.

Why is it that we give in to the inner pessimist and think the worst but never take the path of optimism?

Something that can help change your mindset is consciously thinking about things from a more useful perspective.

The assumptions we make often put us in the role of a victim and so we end up feeling helpless. But the optimistic path puts you in a position of power.

And a person that feels powerful believes in themselves which will totally transform their experience of life.

The push-back

Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

I’ve been using the term push-back for a while. I use it to refer to how we react to negative/un-ideal circumstances.

But not any reaction just the specific ones often done when our emotions are heightened and we’re angry or frustrated.

Imagine you’re a kid and you’re parents refuse to give you the freedom you desire. It’s quite likely that you’ll be annoyed and find some way (even if it’s small) to rebel.
Maybe that’s always coming home late or creating a secret life for yourself like haha I’ll show you.

Or as an adult maybe you have lots of goals and plans and someone tells you to slow down or that you’re doing too much.  If that’s not what you’re happy to hear you might end up just doubling down on all your stuff and possibly burning out. That’s a form of pushing back.

However, there are other ways that you can choose to handle or manage situations. For example, you’re trying to get your book published you get 101 rejections so you decide to self publish.

It’s a reaction to an un-ideal situation but it isn’t out of anger or frustration. A push-back could have been getting rid of your book or replying to the rejections in anger and frustration. But you have to think about what’s actually helpful.

It might feel good to push-back but it might be more helpful to think about what the kindest and most helpful thing you can do for yourself to overcome the situation is.

The feeling is not the problem

I think this is what they call a break through.

Perhaps we should look at situations from a neutral perspective.

The feeling you have towards any situation is not the problem and that is the mistake that is so often made.

We get so carries away by how dreadful it feels and sometimes that can spur us on but other times its just a hindrance. How are you supposed to go out into the world and thrive when you’re caught up in emotions.

Take unemployment for example. If you’re focused on how blah it feels to not have a job then every rejection email will be more likely to feel like a knock physically and mentally. Then before you know it you’ll be declaring that the job market is impossible and that you’re without a hope in the world.

The feeling is not the problem.

If you’re instead focused on the act of applying for jobs and improving your CV you’ll undoubtedly have a very different experience.

And the thing with a job is if there’s only vacancy and 50 people apply even if they’re all perfect applicants 49 people will still ‘lose’.

But that doesn’t make them losers it just means they have to keep playing that game.