Worth seeking advice from

Just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re the best person to seek advice from.

I think there’s a level of vulnerability that comes with asking for advice, to be open and honest enough to say ‘Hey, so I’m going through xyz and I just wanted to get some advice from you as I’m not really sure how to move forward.’

Something I’ve learnt is that when I have a difficult decision to make it helps to view the situation from a different perspective and sometimes that happens quickest when you talk to someone.

However, it’s important to make sure that you’re talking to the right person.

For me that would be:

Someone I trust.

Someone I look up to.

Someone I admire.

Someone who has my best interests at heart.

Someone who will give impartial advice.

Someone with experience.

When you feel stuck and want some advice you probably want it from someone who can help steer you in the right direction rather than someone who leaves you feeling stressed or further fuels your indecision.

Whilst recently asking for advice I realised that often the main thing I want is someone who can shift my perspective.

Perhaps to not even advise on my specific situation but to remind me that I’m capable of making the ‘right’ decision.

Easy access

Blogs, Youtube, Instagram, Twitter, Podcasts and Facebook.

There a tonne of ways to access peoples lives and see what they get up to. You might do it with people you know, strangers or people you used to know.

But I think an important question to ask when checking in on other peoples lives is why?

Why do you need to know what this person is up to, what they’re wearing, where they’re going, what they’re buying, how they’re feeling, who they’re spending time with etc.

Granted, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You might be looking at someones outfits for inspiration or maybe you’re just into fashion.

However, I think the problem lies in having access to strangers and people you used to know.

Strangers because having excessive amounts of information about people you don’t know, people that don’t know you exist and people you’ve never met can be unhealthy.

People you used to know because there’s a reason people leave your life and you’re meant to let them go, not hang on by a technological thread (no matter how tempting it gets).

Yes, you have easy access to tonnes of people and it can be a pretty amazing.

But more isn’t always better, sometimes it’s best to just leave it alone.

What it means to be a good person

Let’s start with the letter S for self sacrifice.

When you live your life trying to be a good person you’ll find yourself pulled in every which way.

Often what people judge a persons goodness by is how much you do for them.

And in a bid to keep the title of the most good of all. You might find yourself bending, doing the most and going above and beyond to please people.

But as much as it’s great to go above and beyond (for the things that matter), it’s impossible to please everyone. It’s a losing game.

So it might be much more useful to focus on being generous, kind and thoughtful but don’t do it for other people. Do it for you because it feels good and maybe because you’ve decided that that’s the kind of person you want to be.

3 kinds of people in the workplace

Person A
Someone who is confident, asks questions, isn’t afraid to rock the boat when necessary, puts themselves forward, goes above and beyond, voices their opinions and is keen to learn new things.

Person B
Someone who does what they’re told and is content ploughing along. They might want to do more but they’re unlikely to seek it out because it would require more of them than they’re willing to give.

Person C
Someone that thought they could be Person B but deep down they’re a Person A, they just don’t have the confidence. They’re the person who is scared to put themselves forward but wants to do more. They have opinions but don’t often share them. They want to do more than the bare minimum but are also afraid of the attention.

I think most people fit into one of these categories. And of course overtime you can move from one to another. When Person B decides they want more they become person C and then (hopefully) Person A.

But interestingly enough person A can change too. Often caused by their ideas not being embraced, or getting too much pushback, being told to be a little less of themselves etc.

Person A is the most valuable of the three, they get things done whilst being willing to express their humanness.

Person B is like a cog. They don’t stand out and anyone could do what they do.

And Person C, well they have the potential to be great, if they’re willing to try.

More connected than ever

If you want to reach me you can call, text, WhatsApp, dm on Twitter or Instagram and even catch me on FB messenger.

We’re more connected than ever with regard to the countless channels that are available. So how ironic is it that it seems like as a society we’re more alone than ever.

I think it’s something to do with technology being used to replace actually having face to face conversations. As much as technology can imitate and replicate person to person interaction as Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell once sang ‘ain’t nothing like the real thing baby’.

You can go on Twitter and see people interacting all day long but then they’ll tweet about feeling lonely.

I think online connections are great as a supplement but not a replacement. Perhaps we actually need the eye contact, the sound of someone’s voice, the pauses between speech and the sight of another living being.

Don’t be so quick to judge

You can meet or come across someone and immediately assume this persons whole life.

Then from the minute they open they’re mouth you’re deciding whether or not what they say aligns with or contradicts your initial assumptions but you’re still not giving the person a chance.

But then life sets things up in a way that forces you to wipe your slate of assumptions clean and actually get to know this person for who they are instead of you just making things up.

And so you realise that this person is kind and interesting along with some other great adjectives.

But even more importantly you realise that you were too quick to judge and that the more useful thing to do would be to actually get to know the person face to face rather than make assumptions from afar.

From the outside

Appearances are everything or at least that’s how it often appears.

The woman with a good education, working a great job at a high profile company.

The guy that everyone goes to for advice because he’s warm, kind and always says what you need to hear (not just what you want to hear).

From the outside they seem to have it together. She lives a stable life and is on the road to a successful career with lots of opportunities. She’s earning enough money to buy a property and take regular holidays. She works hard in a field that is highly regarded.

He always makes time for people and he never really seems to go through anything major. He’s an important part of so many peoples. He’s loved, trustworthy and generous.

But she’s unfulfilled, her life looks great from the outside but isn’t happy with how her life has turned out.

But he’s overwhelmed being who he is to so many people and now he’s scared to make time for himself because he doesn’t want to let anyone down.

From the outside they appear to be living great lives but from the inside they both have their own struggles.

Just a reminder that looks can be deceiving and that you never really know what someone else is going through, no matter how great their life appears to be.