Bravery and uncontrollable outcomes

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about risk, personal growth and trying new things.

When you do something that challenged you it’s only normal that you would want the risk to pay off.

And when things work out it’s great. You feel good inside because you were brave and it payed off. You’ll probably do that thing again because the good outcome taught you that there was nothing to be afraid of.

But what about when the outcome is not what you wanted. You muster the courage to speak up in the meeting and your points are dismissed.

What do you do?

Do you speak again?

The part of the brain that deals with fear and survival will set off the safety alarm and maybe even go into shut down mode.

When you do something and it doesn’t work, it’s not considered a ‘safe’ option which is why you often end up retreating.

But what I’ve learnt is that the act of being brave is where the focus should be. When you place too much importance on the outcome you don’t acknowledge what it took to do the thing you were afraid of in the first place.

Things can’t work out the way you want all the time, perfection is a falsehood.

Should we be attached to the outcome?

Yes, no, maybe so.

There’s a thing in NLP about outcome based actions, that what we do should be based on the outcome we desire.

But recently I found myself thinking about how it’s important to not be too attached to the way things turn out.

At least not to the point where you crash and burn when things don’t go to plan.

It’s an interesting balance between action and outcome.

Sometimes we do things we wouldn’t normally do in the hopes of getting what we want. Sometimes it works out in our favour and other times not so much.

I believe that your actions should be done in support of your desired outcome but you shouldn’t be so attached to the result that you’re disheartened if things don’t work out.

Because no matter how hard you try, wish and will, their is only one single factor that you can actually control.

Yourself.

Survival mode and everyday life

I recently tried something new and the outcome was not what I had anticipated it would be.

In these kinds of situations our minds will start to tell stories of why we should stick with what we know and the dangers of exploring outside of that.

You might be in a mental space where you can get past that but if not I have a useful reminder.

The part of your brain that is telling you to stay safe and stick with what you know is coming from a place of survival mode. But you don’t need to apply a survival mode mentality to things like voicing your opinion, being rejected or having your first Unagi roll.

New things are good for us, they help us develop and expand which in turn allows us to get more out of this human experience.

The second time around

It’ll almost always be easier.

Yet we often end up worrying about how wrong things went the first time and then history just ends up repeating itself.

And then we start to lose faith in our ability, thinking that things are impossible, that we are incapable.

The inner monologue gets carried away and you know exactly what that sounds like.

But what if the second time around we begin with a short reflection on the pros and cons of our previous approach and then create an outcome based action plan.

Taking a optimistic future oriented approach might just be more beneficial.

Same old, same old

What do you do when you find yourself experiencing the same situations over and over again.

No matter how much your life seems to change you find yourself going through the same old, same old.

Who’s to blame?

Why is it happening?

And most importantly, how do you break the cycle?

I’m going to have start researching more so I can make references but what I do know is that blaming yourself rarely helps.

You don’t need to blame anyone else either. Instead, just know that you can change things.

It happens because our brains get lazy, they love repeating patterns and loops even when they aren’t most beneficial. We handle situations however we know how and sometimes we don’t have the knowledge or tools to react in a way that will be helpful in the long run.

Before you know it, you’re finding yourself in the same situations and reacting similarly to how you first did. Nothing has changed aside from the fact that you’re now 6 years older.

Breaking the cycle starts with acknowledging your circumstances because like a popular song lyric states ‘you can’t fix what you can’t see’. When you find yourself in that familiar situation don’t go into autopilot and just do what you usually¬†do because¬†things will never change that way.

You have to be conscious and self aware enough that you can stop and ask yourself ‘What is the most helpful way for me to respond that will achieve my desired outcome?’

This will be a trial and error thing but the advice I can give is to remember that you have no control over anyone but yourself and when thinking of your desired outcome make it based on how you want to feel.