When you discuss a complex issue with someone who has little to no knowledge of the issue, you’re unlikely to get the desired outcome.
More often than not you’ll end up frustrated and they’ll end up defensive.
It takes time to learn and understand complex issues but it also takes some unlearning.
When a person discovers new information that conflicts with their existing beliefs, they will never automatically accept it, it’s too difficult.
The things we believe shape how we define ourselves and the decisions we make so when something effects that, it’s frightening. You might find yourself questioning your entire existence.
On the other hand, it’s can be much easier to just stick with what you know.
If that’s the conscious choice you make don’t pretend that you’re not aware of the complex issues.
When taking a risk pays off, it’s easy to get caught up in the fact that things turned out the way you wanted.
But I think it’s important to also focus on the reason behind taking the risk in the first place.
You did it because you believed it was worth it, you knew it would get you a step closer to where you want to be, you wanted to push yourself and try something new or you had the confidence that it would work out.
Sometimes the reason behind the risk is more important than the outcome.
Sometimes it might seem like you’re missing out. But the power of hindsight is that when you push too hard for a particular outcome you’ll find that you’ll be glad you missed out.
Turns out some things aren’t meant to be even if you don’t realise in the moment.
We often get caught up in ‘fomo’ feeling like we have to join in with everything.
But sometimes a useful thing to do is force yourself to miss out as a reminder that it’s not as big of deal as you think.
And if you did miss something, well there’s always next time.
The leaning tower of Pisa is one of the most buildings in the the world. Its lean comes from what I suppose was a flaw in geo-technical calculations. It is unstable soil and settlement of the foundation that causes the tower to lean.
Yet, what could have been disastrous turned out pretty spectacularly. Probably because it started to lean during construction at a slow enough pace that it could be mitigated rather than leaning on completion with the chance of toppling over at any moment.
The point is that sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to be. But that doesn’t mean they don’t still turn out well. The leaning tower of Pisa was accidentally great.
Would we still love it without the lean? Probably not as much.
Would we still love it if it was supposed to lean? I doubt it.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about risk, personal growth and trying new things.
When you do something that challenged you it’s only normal that you would want the risk to pay off.
And when things work out it’s great. You feel good inside because you were brave and it payed off. You’ll probably do that thing again because the good outcome taught you that there was nothing to be afraid of.
But what about when the outcome is not what you wanted. You muster the courage to speak up in the meeting and your points are dismissed.
What do you do?
Do you speak again?
The part of the brain that deals with fear and survival will set off the safety alarm and maybe even go into shut down mode.
When you do something and it doesn’t work, it’s not considered a ‘safe’ option which is why you often end up retreating.
But what I’ve learnt is that the act of being brave is where the focus should be. When you place too much importance on the outcome you don’t acknowledge what it took to do the thing you were afraid of in the first place.
Things can’t work out the way you want all the time, perfection is a falsehood.
Yes, no, maybe so.
There’s a thing in NLP about outcome based actions, that what we do should be based on the outcome we desire.
But recently I found myself thinking about how it’s important to not be too attached to the way things turn out.
At least not to the point where you crash and burn when things don’t go to plan.
It’s an interesting balance between action and outcome.
Sometimes we do things we wouldn’t normally do in the hopes of getting what we want. Sometimes it works out in our favour and other times not so much.
I believe that your actions should be done in support of your desired outcome but you shouldn’t be so attached to the result that you’re disheartened if things don’t work out.
Because no matter how hard you try, wish and will, their is only one single factor that you can actually control.
I recently tried something new and the outcome was not what I had anticipated it would be.
In these kinds of situations our minds will start to tell stories of why we should stick with what we know and the dangers of exploring outside of that.
You might be in a mental space where you can get past that but if not I have a useful reminder.
The part of your brain that is telling you to stay safe and stick with what you know is coming from a place of survival mode. But you don’t need to apply a survival mode mentality to things like voicing your opinion, being rejected or having your first Unagi roll.
New things are good for us, they help us develop and expand which in turn allows us to get more out of this human experience.
It’ll almost always be easier.
Yet we often end up worrying about how wrong things went the first time and then history just ends up repeating itself.
And then we start to lose faith in our ability, thinking that things are impossible, that we are incapable.
The inner monologue gets carried away and you know exactly what that sounds like.
But what if the second time around we begin with a short reflection on the pros and cons of our previous approach and then create an outcome based action plan.
Taking a optimistic future oriented approach might just be more beneficial.
What do you do when you find yourself experiencing the same situations over and over again.
No matter how much your life seems to change you find yourself going through the same old, same old.
Who’s to blame?
Why is it happening?
And most importantly, how do you break the cycle?
I’m going to have start researching more so I can make references but what I do know is that blaming yourself rarely helps.
You don’t need to blame anyone else either. Instead, just know that you can change things.
It happens because our brains get lazy, they love repeating patterns and loops even when they aren’t most beneficial. We handle situations however we know how and sometimes we don’t have the knowledge or tools to react in a way that will be helpful in the long run.
Before you know it, you’re finding yourself in the same situations and reacting similarly to how you first did. Nothing has changed aside from the fact that you’re now 6 years older.
Breaking the cycle starts with acknowledging your circumstances because like a popular song lyric states ‘you can’t fix what you can’t see’. When you find yourself in that familiar situation don’t go into autopilot and just do what you usually do because things will never change that way.
You have to be conscious and self aware enough that you can stop and ask yourself ‘What is the most helpful way for me to respond that will achieve my desired outcome?’
This will be a trial and error thing but the advice I can give is to remember that you have no control over anyone but yourself and when thinking of your desired outcome make it based on how you want to feel.