Most people that you choose to have in your life are chosen because your lives or you as people align in some way.
It could be a similar taste in music, studying (or have studied) the same subjects, enjoying the same leisure activities, similar mindsets and worldviews or maybe you share the same aspirations.
Whatever it may be, when the base of your connection shifts it is likely that you may change your mind about having the person in your life.
Granted you will have built up a connection based on other things over time but when the core bits of you and a person no longer align, the relationship may no longer make sense.
This sort of thing quite commonly occurs once you begin to really figure out who you are and what you want in life. Perhaps the people you used to party with don’t really fit with the life you’re creating. Maybe your corporate aspirations clash with the aspirations of people around you to the point of causing disagreements.
Despite how it may feel, it’s a natural thing for relationships to change. It’s much better to allow things to be than to restrict your development or the development of someone else because you’d rather hold on to something that was never meant to last.
The idea of things not lasting, of things being temporary is often seen as a bad thing.
It’s seen as a failure.
We get caught up in this idea that if something is good it should last and if it doesn’t last then something was wrong.
I think the problem is that we find it hard to let go of a good thing, perhaps because we don’t believe their is more good things out there for us.
This idea of temporary things can be applied to many situations but lets take the example of friendship.
If you grow apart from someone who was once a close friend you can accept the situation or you can try to get back to the way things were. We idolise the past and try to force things to become what they once were.
I guess it’s difficult to accept that not everything was meant to last.
But in learning to accept temporary things you also open yourself up to some of life’s most beautiful moments.
This used to be one of my worst habits.
I’d do this thing where I’d place a lot of expectations on people that left no room for humanness and left me feeling disappointed.
Once I realised that I did this I started making a conscious effort to stop. I’ve learnt how to catch myself in the act and it is such a blessing. It means I’m much less bothered by what people do.
Letting go of expectation has made some relationships a lot easier. It has also helped me clarify that in some cases I’m more invested than the other person and that we should probably just part ways.
It’s also about balance. For example, expecting a friend to make time to see you is realistic but if you’re always expecting your friend to be free and getting upset or annoyed when they’re busy, you might want to reassess your expectations.
Perhaps one of the most valuable lessons a friend has taught me is to not take life so seriously and to laugh more at the ebb and flow of life.
Life is totally different when you’re willing to be less rigid and laugh at your experiences. When you’re hard on yourself for simply being a human that goes through a variety of experiences, life becomes hard.
But when you laugh and remind yourself that it’s all just a collection of experiences then life somehow softens towards you.
I recently bumped into someone that I hadn’t seen in 4 years. Sure we follow each other on social media but we don’t interact with each other much.
So what was so amazing is that things fell right into place as though no time had passed, in the best possible way.
This person even brought up the last time we met and I was surprised that they remembered it so well.
Anyway maybe I’m just getting old but I love that there are people in my life that I don’t see regularly but when I do see them, even though we’ve both changed, the relationship/connection still remains.
I guess this is just what happens you grow up.
I was reflecting on an old friendship recently and I realised how empty and almost meaningless it had become.
I think it’s difficult to let go of a friendship where the passing of time has changed the way things were.
But there’s only so much you can give and there’s only so much you should give before making peace with the way things are and moving on.
However I find myself battling the part of me that struggles to move on unless things have gone up in flames. Because until that point I feel like there is still a possibility that things can be salvaged.
So, here I am waiting for flames.
That was me after bumping into a good friend on the way to work. A morning catch up talking about the work we do, how we spend our free time and the need for stimulation.
Things have changed in the 7 years this person and I have been friends. We’ve grown and so have our conversations. We’re not as silly as we were at 17 but even in our 20s we’re still growing up.
And I feel lucky that we get to do it together.