It’s more than just comfort and familiarity but it’s both of those things too.
When you move on from something and you haven’t reached the place you moved on to, it’s totally normal to look back at what you left or let go of.
And when you’re in a place of limbo, perhaps feeling a little dissatisfied with where you’re at, you might find yourself looking back from a place of lack.
Then suddenly that thing you chose to leave looks golden and bright. You find yourself wondering why you even moved on in the first place.
But deep down you don’t really want that thing, you just crave certainty. It’s much easier to take a step back to the familiarity of what you know than it is to keep going and venture on into the unknown.
Not all games are worth playing, not unless you have to.
If you could choose certainty over uncertainty, would you?
Would you still choose certainty if it required courage and perhaps a little discomfort (which is totally normal when something is new).
If the answer is no then that means that your fear overrides the bit of you that wants to be at peace. That you’ll accept long-term discomfort because it’s comfortable and familiar over short term momentary discomfort that will lead to peace.
It might be hard to admit to you yourself and even harder to say out loud but what if it’s true.
What if you’re subconsciously (or consciously now that you’re aware) holding yourself back because you’ve become comfortable with discomfort.
I’ve always said that there’s comfort in familiarity, it’s a better the devil you know kind of situation.
So, if you find yourself in the waiting game and it’s uncomfortable, don’t keep playing.
Do something different, it might feel scary but it might be worth it.
We all have them.
Cosy socks, worn out joggers and a stripy fleece (or maybe that’s just me).
I find that most people go back to old favourites be it an outfit combination, shoes, a book, movie, tv show, hairstyle, nail colour, a person or a place.
We do it because as people we are drawn to what we know. And perhaps we also have that bit ingrained in our brains that seeks safety. And what is safer than something you know, definitely not something you don’t know.
I was watching what is probably my favourite Australian TV recently ‘The secret life of us’. I could have watched something new, something I’d never seen before but instead I returned to an old favourite.
Granted there is no issue of safety here but I think it sort of proves that even though we don’t live the same way we used to, that bit of our brain that links safety/comfort with familiarity is still very much active.
When you get into the routine of doing things a certain way, it might not even occur to you that there is a different or better way of doing things.
After all you have your way and it works, it’s comfortable and familiar.
So, what does it take for someone who is set in their ways to change?
It’s unfortunate that it often takes extreme circumstances. A life-storm to shake and shock you, to make you realise that that it is time to move on.
Because as much as there is comfort in familiarity, there is growth and adventure in the new.
I’ve been thinking about how when you give yourself space from people you can end up realising that actually you’re quite content without that person being in your life.
And then days or weeks later when the space is no longer there you find yourself holding back because in that time of space you realised that what you have with this person is nothing more than familiarity.
The old things that would draw you in don’t have the effect that they used to. The things that you ignored even though they bothered you are no longer things you’re willing to over look.
Space taught me to remember the things that I have learnt. For it is in moments of solitude that I am reminded of how much I love myself and all the things I want for myself and it’s okay to settle but it’s not okay to settle for other people.