Talking when it’s easy

It’s easy to talk about the weather, your favourite TV show, what you had for dinner and what you got up to at the weekend.

But often when it comes to topics like mental health, fears and struggles suddenly talking becomes difficult.

Part of why it’s so difficult is because we don’t do it enough. What if having difficult conversations could be made easier with practice?

Talking when it’s difficult often requires you to venture out into new territory even if it is with someone you’re familiar with. But what you gain from having difficult conversations is what makes it worth doing.

Exciting or comforting

If you had to pick between the 2, which one would you go for.

When you think about word association exciting is probably associated with words like fun but also maybe risk.

Comforting on the other hand is probably associated with familiarity and being boring.

Despite what you might think you’d choose, if you look back on your past choices many people find that they choose comfort, over and over again.

I think the reason for this is that even if we can’t admit it, we’d much rather stick with what we know and be bored than take a risk and potentially have it go wrong.

And so the real choice we give ourselves is risk or relief.

Exciting possibilities

When it comes to the exciting possibilities of life, how often do you allow yourself to experience them.

Often we end up looking from afar and think about how great it would be if it happened to us. The truth is in many cases we’re actually not ready for the good stuff to happen.

It’s much easier to stick with what you know.

The thing is even if what you know is great, it doesn’t mean that their isn’t more great stuff out there for you to experience.

There isn’t a cap on how much excitement you can have in your life, you just have to be open to it.

The problem with looking back

I think it’s fair to say that most people are enticed by new things. A new habit, a new opportunity even a new person. As much as we can fear the new there are many instances when it actually excites us.

Yet, in many cases instead of going towards the new thing, we look back.

We look back with this cosy feeling of nostalgia for what once was or what it’s time to move on from and all of a sudden we begin to hesitate.

That’s when the fear and ‘what ifs’ kicks in.

What if things don’t work out?

What if this new thing isn’t better than what I’ve left behind?

What if I have to start over again?

The what if questions we ask are rarely framed in a helpful way and only serve to amplify the fear.

The alternative to looking back is to focus on the possibilities that will come from embracing the new and learning to trust that you’ll be fine.

Defending what you know

So often we cling to the familiarity of what we know. We cling so hard that we’re unable to see any other option as viable.

Even when what we know is no longer working, we resist change because that means we have to learn a new way of doing things and maybe change our perspective.

And so we defend what we know, we say things like ‘that’s just the way things are’ or ‘that’s what I’ve always done’, often full of pride.

But what you’re actually doing is stunting your growth and development, closing yourself off from the opportnuty to explore a different way.

So next time you think something isn’t working, don’t just stick with it, take it as an opportunity to try something new.

Taking a leap

Talking about how unhappy you are with where you’re at is easy to do. Talking about the changes you want to happen in your life is also pretty easy.

But when it comes to actually turning those thoughts into plans, things tend to get a little more challenging.

First of all, there is the familiarity factor. There is comfort in familiarity. Just the fact that your current circumstance is what you’re used to will make it difficult for you to move on from it to something new.

Then, there is the commitment to the change you want.

Lastly, there is the risk ‘what if it doesn’t work?’

All of that is enough to convince many people to stay exactly where they are. Or they tell themselves they’ll make the changes slowly over time. But often those efforts are half-hearted.

What you might need to do is take a leap a faith. Launch yourself into the unknown, fully committed and knowing that you can handle whatever challenges come your way.

Sometimes that’s the only way to make changes in your life.

Bored of familiarity

Often when a person finds themselves craving something new, it’s because they’re bored with where they’re at.

As much as familiarity can be comforting and pleasant, for many people they find themselves at a point where they want more.

You find yourself wanting something different, not because what you’re used to isn’t working but because you want to remember the feeling of newness.

It’s like taking a different route home every once in a while. You do it to switch things up not because you never want to take your usual route again.

This idea can apply to so many things and one of them is the work you do. When you’re doing the same thing over and over you’ll get sick of it after a while because you’re no longer doing it consciously, you’re not thinking or stretching your mind and you want to be challenged.

So, you put yourself forward for a new type of work. It’s new and unfamiliar and you enjoy it simply because it’s not what you’re used to.

The beauty of this kind of situation is after you’re tried something new, you can go back to what you were doing before often with new found appreciation.

Vulnerable creativity

A big part of creativity is being vulnerable.

When the work you’re producing is not at the level you’re content with it may be because of one of 2 reasons.

The first is that you’re working in a medium that you’re so used to that you need to dig deeper in order to produce something with an element of vulnerability.

The second is that you’re working in a new, less familiar medium and you haven’t reached that level of comfort where you’re able to be vulnerable with what you create.

As someone who writes a daily blog, has journalled for over a decade, has had various lifestyle blogs over the past 8 years and also writes poetry, I’m quite familiar with expressing vulnerability through my words.

However, I’ve recently been working on taking and styling photos which is something new for me.

I’m still finding my way with taking photots which is why it often feels difficult. But instead of pushing myself to create something interesting, I find myself holding back.

It’s easier just to do something simple instead of putting myself into my work. That takes vulnerability.

There are levels to creativity.

I beleive that I’m able to convey vulnerability through my writing. But as I work with other mediums I find that I’m much less free-flowing. My work is rigid and sometimes uninteresting.

It’s not neccisarily bad but in the creative process I don’t feel like I’m experimenting or pushing the boundary

Saying yes to exploration

The idea of exploring is one I don’t think is valued enough. I don’t mean travelling and exploring new countries or cities, I mean exploring self.

Being able to know your own limits whilst also being able to put yourself out there and experience new things.

It’s so easy to stay within the remit of what you know because there’s comfort in familiarity. However, it’s also worth considering when you don’t venture outside of that you lose the chance to learn about yourself about and understand yourself.

When you give yourself the opportunity to explore life a little more, you might find that you don’t actually believe the things you thought were true.

Looking back from a place of lack

It’s more than just comfort and familiarity but it’s both of those things too.

When you move on from something and you haven’t reached the place you moved on to, it’s totally normal to look back at what you left or let go of.

And when you’re in a place of limbo, perhaps feeling a little dissatisfied with where you’re at, you might find yourself looking back from a place of lack.

Then suddenly that thing you chose to leave looks golden and bright. You find yourself wondering why you even moved on in the first place.

But deep down you don’t really want that thing, you just crave certainty. It’s much easier to take a step back to the familiarity of what you know than it is to keep going and venture on into the unknown.