Creating a sense of equilibrium, is important.
It’s not about everyone doing the same thing but instead about each person playing a role and having something to contribute.
But, often things end up out of balance. Perhaps, one person is over giving whilst another is putting in the bare minimum effort. Overall it may appear that things are still balanced, they aren’t.
If you’re giving 80% and getting back 30%, you’re now at 50% and probably feeling depleted. For the person giving 30% and getting 80%, their cup is now overflowing. That is not balanced.
I think it’s important to have an understanding of how much each person is willing to give to create understanding. Otherwise you’ll end up making assumptions and assuming the worst.
There is a gap between our wants and our actions.
For example, the gap between wanting to do better and actually doing better.
I believe that there is a always a gap but by putting in the effort little by little you’re able to bridge the gap. However, their is also the danger of falling into the gap by becoming inconsistent, uncommitted and making excuses. Essentially, your actions are no longer aligned with the things you say you want.
An example of this could be if your want is to become healthier but your action is eating chocolate cake for breakfast instead of something to provide nourishment to your body.
When you know what you want the focus should be on bridging the gap. Reflect on if the actions you’re taking are bringing you closer to where you want to be. Now this doesn’t mean never eating chocolate cake again but it probably means you shouldn’t be eating it everyday.
Getting back on track often requires you to put in the work to make up for the fact that you’ve fallen behind.
You may start off slow then build up momentum until suddenly you’re working twice as hard.
And this hard work is required because you’ve made a commitment, you’ve made a choice about what you’d like to achieve and you believe that you can do it.
But it’s important to remember that this extra effort is only to get back on track, it should never become your norm.
As much as it is easy to remain stagnant it requires much less effort than expected in order to get the ball rolling.
It could be as simple as making a phone call, sending an email or booking something.
We make things much more challenging than they really are by thinking that we have to complete the thing in one giant leap rather than step by step.
We under estimate the power of little by little because we can’t see the bigger picture.
It might start with a phone call but then it moves on to something else and then something else which goes on and on until suddenly you’ve completed the thing you were working towards.
Sometimes you have to accept that your best isn’t good enough. Perhaps you’re losing clients, not meeting targets or not making enough to meet your basic needs like food and shelter.
But other times the case is that you aren’t actually offering your best, you’re giving half-heartedly.
This often happens when we don’t actually believe in ourselves. We give in a bare minimum sort of way and then tell ourselves that it’s not working out because we’re not good enough.
It’s really just an excuse for fear of trying and fear of failing. But it’s okay, in fact it’s probably a good thing to admit that you’re afraid because once you do, you can work through it and get past it.
If you had to choose between pushing on with something in the hopes that it will work out or choosing to quit and starting over, which would you choose?
We’re regularly encouraged to keep going, to try and try and again but what if things just aren’t working out.
Often, the reason we choose to carry on is because we’ve invested time and money and we aren’t willing to accept that our idea won’t be a success. Even when we are aware that our continued efforts will be fruitless, it somehow feels easier to continue down what is likely to be a dead end.
Of course, in time perhaps things will be a success, but maybe we’d actually just be better off quitting and trying something else.
Not everything will be perfect and not everything needs to be.
Sometimes all you need to do is focus on making something that is good enough for right now.
Maybe, you can make it better later or maybe good enough is all that it needs to be.
If that’s the case, any time spent making it amazing isn’t time well spent. Instead of stressing to make it better, try focusing your efforts and energy on something that needs to be much better than just good enough.
Sometimes when it comes to doing what’s best for you, you don’t consider yourself to be important.
And so, instead of making a decision based on what’s best for you and your wellbeing you put other people first.
You make choices based on people pleasing and fear of letting people down or having them be disappointed.
When you do that continuously, you’re the one that ends up feeling disappointed. Meanwhile, everyone else is totally oblivious to the fact that you’re over extending and on the brink of being worn out.
You have to learn to set clear boundaries such as not over working yourself to please people and being okay with saying no when you know you don’t have the time or energy.
I think it could be said that one of the biggest things that holds us back is that we try to hard to be a specific type of way or create a certain kind of thing. Often our efforts go into emulating what we have already seen done and the way that we think or have been told that things should be.
When this occurs instead of just doing our work and creating, we put limits on ourselves.
Suddenly, the ideas you have end up being tweaked and altered because you haven’t seen things done that way and you’d rather go with what’s been seen to work.
I think a reason we do this is because we don’t have enough self belief to really do things the way we want plus, we want things to work out.
When you’re someone that creates, you never want to put your heart and soul into something and it not be well received. People not taking to your work feels personal because it came from you and often we end up internalising that feeling and coming up with stories like ‘I’m not good enough…’.
The way to avoid all this is to just be, just create. The more you create, the more you find your own flow and no longer feel like you need to mimic others. The work you do will become so much more gratifying.
The more you create, the more you lower the stakes. The first time you create something that comes from you might be scary but over time once it becomes more familiar, it will get easier.
There is a popular saying goes something like ‘insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results’.
But what’s worth understanding is that sometimes you need to do the same thing over and over again.
Take meditation for example, it’s very rare that you get it the first time. It could take ten times, that doesnt mean you should stop.
Or, maybe you’re an artist taking your work to galleries, or a writer pitching to publications. Just because things don’t work out the first or 15th time, doesn’t mean you should stop. But, of course if you’re doing something that costs money don’t go broke trying to make things work.
I think it’s good to have the determination to keep going even when things aren’t working out.
But it’s also important to know when to pivot. The end goal doesn’t need to change but maybe your approach should.