It can be difficult to have conversations about things that feel uncomfortable. You might find it so difficult that you avoid it altogether and shut down whenever anyone tries to bring it up with you.
That might seem like the best option because why would anyone choose to feel uncomfortable.
However, when you avoid something it doesn’t go away and you don’t allow yourself room to grow.
So instead of avoiding a difficult conversation or holding back when you speak, try something different.
Be open, honest and know that the initial uncomfortable feeling will subside.
It’ll take a bit of practice but eventually you’ll get to a place where the difficult conversation is actually pretty easy.
A difficult conversation is a conversation worth having.
It’s hard speaking up when you don’t know how to say things eloquently, you’re worried about how people will react and feel like nobody will pay attention.
But that doesn’t mean you should say nothing.
Maybe it means you should take a different approach, ensure you’re talking to the right people and trust that even if you don’t get the outcome you wanted at least you tried.
Sometimes we’re so focused on the end result that if things don’t go our way, we end up thinking that it was mistake to even try.
When you’re comfortable with the way things are it can be difficult to make the choice to change.
Most people have dreams of the kind of life that they want yet they allow their feelings of comfort to stand in the way.
The inner monologue will say something like ‘Why move to a new city, when you have everything here. Why would you want to be away from your friends and family?’.
Those kinds of thoughts totally underestimate our capabilities as human beings.
If you move to a new city and hate it, you can always move back. When it comes to friends and family of course you’ll miss them but it’s not like you’ll never see them again. Also you’ll make new friends and meet new people.
So often people don’t allow themselves to grow because they’re stuck on feeling comfortable instead of being open to exploring life.
It’s easy to talk about things that are easy.
But when it comes to comes to feelings, wants and needs, things often get a little more challenging.
Often problems will arise, simply because you didn’t speak up and let the other person know how you felt or what you needed. When you hold things in, they rarely go away, they just build up over time.
So, maybe 6 months later when you feel angry and frustrated towards someone you won’t even consider that maybe things could have turned out differently, if only you had said ‘I want you to make more of an effort’ instead of keeping quiet.
Granted people won’t always meet your needs, even if you desperately want them too.
But you’re better off speaking up and giving the other person a chance, than just holding things in and ending up disappointed that people can’t read your mind.
A while from now we’ll be living in a post pandemic world. Companies and businesses will have to make decisions about the way they will choose to work moving forward.
Presentations, discussions, conversations and updates are all being done remotely when normally they’d have required meetings.
Those meetings may have involved: a journey to another city by car or train, a large group when only a small few were needed or time wasted because it could have easily been a 10 minute conversation over the phone.
But when the world goes back to the office, back to the normal 9 to 5 lifestyle, I have no doubt that there will still be unnecessary meetings.
And so a question worth pondering on is, ‘Why do we meet when we know we don’t need to?’
Sometimes you get caught in a loop that you’d rather not be in.
Two people with who see the world differently are likely to end up going round in circles when they try to explain their point of view.
But it’s also important to talk to people that think differently to you. It broadens your awareness and can also help make you more accepting of people that don’t think the way you do. That’s important, or at least I think it is.
Instead of getting caught in a loop of right and wrong or competing to see who can talk the loudest, why not make listening a priority.
And then instead of feeling like you have to prove your perspective, know that your thoughts are valid.
Once you listen and know that you don’t have anything to prove you’re so much less likely to find yourself going round in circles. It really can be that easy.
So often, we’re afraid to be vulnerable and let people know where we’re at. In doing that you miss out on the opportunity to be supported by people that care.
What often ends up happening is you feel frustrated that there is no one to support you, not realising that you haven’t even given them a chance.
The best way to break this habit is to be more open when talking to the people that you know you can trust. Instead of having those Hey, how’s it going? Yeah, good thanks, you? types of conversations make the effort to be a little more vulnerable.
It might feel strange at first but when you talk to the right people they’ll listen to you and show support which is sometimes all you need. Your act of bravery might have a knock on effect because often you find that the other person will start to open up more too.
I recently had a conversation where I was explaining my neutral feelings towards a topic. As the words poured out I thought I was almost on a bit of a high horse.
But as the conversation went on I realised that my neutral feelings were just a defense mechanism or a coping strategy. Turns out the topic did bother me after all.
However, instead of working to overcome my feelings I’d masked them in neutrality. I think sometimes it helps to be neutral instead of negative but you can take it one step further and have more positive or uplifting feelings.
It really surprised me to find out that I’m not quite there yet but now that I’ve realised, I think it’s something I want to work on.
When you interact with someone that is in a bad mood or is angry you might find at the end of it that you feel bad too.
That’s what happens when you take on other peoples stuff.
It might seem that when someone directs anger and frustration towards you that you have to take it because what else can you do. But you always have options.
If someone asked you if you wanted to feel bad I’m certain the answer would be no. You have to keep that decisiveness when interacting with someone that’s angry.
When you learn to do that you’re not so effected by how the other person feels because that’s not your stuff and you don’t need to take it on.
I recently had an unexpected conversation that I didn’t expect to have yet at the same time it was exactly what I needed.
It can be difficult to let people know that you need a little bit of reassurance once in a while. However, sometimes maybe it’s not even really reassurance but instead just to talk about your vulnerabilities and the things that scare you. It turned out that my situation I was discussing in conversation wasn’t as unique as I thought but that’s a good thing.
It made me understand that the challenges I was facing and the things I was struggling with we’re just life. That’s not to say that life is about challenges and struggles though.
I realised that in thinking my current circumstances were not the way things were supposed to be, I was pushing against them and filling my mind with fear when really what I needed to do was embrace them.
And after that conversation, the challenges and struggles didn’t seem so bad at all. I guess it’s like I always say, talking helps.