Unideal situations

I recently had an unanticipated situation occur, in fact I’d describe it as unideal. At first I found myself focusing on the situation, all that had occurred and how it had led me to feel.

But the more I got thinking about it, the more I found myself zooming out and thinking about this situation in the grand scheme of life and death.

Doing so allowed me to pick up on other things happening in the different areas of my life.

Sometimes it takes an unideal situation for us to become aware of the aspects of our life that require some care and attention. I think that my choice of word is so important here. It’s easy to fall into an unhelpful mindset of thinking everything is a mess. The reality is that sometimes things happen just to remind us to stay on track, pay more attention to ourselves and to take better care of ourselves.

Start showing up

It’s important to show up for the things that you care about and for the things that matter. It doesn’t need to be for praise and attention, simply do it for yourself.

This can be applied to so many things. Maybe you’re passionate about the environment, you might even have lots of good ideas or thoughts worth sharing. However, you don’t share about it online, you don’t volunteer and you don’t talk to your friends about it.

I think all the reasons to not show up stem from fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of being judged even a fear of being seen.

It’s okay to feel all those those things but don’t let that stop you from showing up for the things that you care about.

A writers growth

Looking through drafts is a great way to observe your growth as a writer. Many time you come across things your current self would never write and so you press delete. Other times you come across good ideas that are poorly written out and you then have the option to just delete them and start over or to tend to them with a fresh perspective.

I believe that most writers drafts or deleted content far outweighs what they’re shared and put out into the world.

It’s quite obvious that the things that get deleted aren’t considered worth sharing. Perhaps, it had been in your drafts for a few months or even years but every time you went back to it, you didn’t really like it enough to work on it a little more and complete it. Maybe it just wasn’t a good idea, it happens and it’s perfectly okay.

Then, there are the drafts.

There are days when you write, write and write some more. This results in an influx of ideas and some of these ideas are ‘microwavable’ whilst others are more like seeds.

The ‘microwave’ ideas don’t take much time to be brought to life. They’re not necessarily instant but if you set a little time to work on them you can finish them fairly easily. They don’t stay drafts for long.

Then there are the ideas that are like seedlings, these ones require time, care and attention. They can’t be rushed and if if you ever try to hurry them along, you’ll never be happy with the result. But if you’re willing to have patience these ideas will flourish when they finally come alive in all their glory.

Least time, most value

If you could only listen to 3 artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

I was thinking about this recently and I found myself surprised that the artists I’d choose are the ones I listen to the least. There was once a time that I listened to them the most but these days I listen to them only every now and then.

But they hold so much value that given the choice, I’d pick them everytime.

I think this is the case for many things in life, not just music.

It’s often the things that we spend the least time on, that we care about and value the most.

The wrong perception

How you view yourself impacts how you act. How you act, influences how you are perceived.

If you don’t think much of yourself, it’ll show up in your posture the way you speak and the kinds of things that you say.

And in turn you may be perceived as quiet, shy, uninterested, someone who doesn’t care. But maybe you have low self-esteem and maybe nobody taught you to think good of yourself.

Perhaps, even though you haven’t yet learnt how to say it or even show it, you actually care quite a lot.

On learning to voice your needs

I just googled not being able to voice your needs and there were about 1,220,000,000 results.

Being able to voice your needs is an important part of life. If you can’t say what you need, you probably won’t get it.

If you’ve ever been that person you might have been lucky enough to find someone that gets you. Not in any romantic sense but just someone that understands you even when you’re not able to find the words. That kind of person comes into your life through you being open and vulnerable enough to voice your needs.

It could be as simple as letting someone know that you need space, at first the person might be surprised or not take it well. But over time a good friend or someone that cares about you will understand that at certain times you need to be alone. And it won’t become an issue, they won’t try and make you feel bad or tell you that you have to have to talk now. They will listen and respect your needs.

On the flipside, people that aren’t able to voice their needs might end up falling into feeling misunderstood or uncared for and then carrying that feeling around them everywhere they go. But more often than not, that feeling isn’t true at all. It only feels true because you’re not saying what you need.

The problem with jumping on the bandwagon

If you won’t care in a few months time then maybe you shouldn’t care at all.

It’s easy to get swept up what everyone else is doing or whatever the popular thing is at that point in time.

It might even be a great cause, helping people or bringing light to something that matters.

However, I think it’s important to ask yourself why you’re joining in. Is it something you care about or do you just want to be a part of something? Maybe you want to be perceived as someone who cares?

You don’t have to care about everything and you don’t have anything to prove.

You don’t have to jump on the bandwagon.

Spending time on the things you care about

Something we can consider to be true is that, you don’t really know how hard you can work or how much effort you can put into something until you find what you care about.

You can spend a large chunck of your life thinking that you’ve given your full effort or gone above and beyond. However, when you find something that really matters to you, somehow you’ll find a surplus of energy to do more than you have ever done before.

That might come at a time in your life when you transition from working a traditional 9 to 5, to working for yourself.

Perhaps you find a new hobby that you’re really passionate about. Then all of sudden you’re spending your evenings doing extra research, learning new information and dedicating time you used to spend on less fulfilling past times

The perfect words

There are some cases when, if you don’t know what to say the best thing to say is nothing at all. But that doesn’t apply to every situation.

In fact, in some scenarios saying nothing is one of the worst things that you can do.

Sometimes we hold off from speaking up because we think that less than perfect is not good enough. However, the perfect composition of words shouldn’t always be the aim.

At times it’s better to speak up in the moment, to perhaps let someone know that you care instead of staying quiet. The alternative is to wait until what you have to say is closer to perfect but by then it will be too late.

Overstepping boundaries

I wrote about boundaries in a recent post but upon reflection I had more to add.

Sometimes even when you are aware of a persons boundaries and you know it has nothing to do with you, you still try to overstep the mark. A person will do it in small or subtle ways because they are curious whilst also being aware they have to tread carefully.

But when you catch them overstepping in the moment they’re likely to respond by telling you that they didn’t mean it or that they didn’t relaise that it was an issue. perhaps they try to tell you that there is no issue at all.

When it comes to over stepping a boundary it’s really about respect. When you can see a clear boundary you have to decide if it is more important to follow that curiosity or to simply respect what the other person does and doesn’t want