If you want someone to trust you then getting angry when they try to open up won’t help.
It is so important that what you do reflects the way you want things to turn out, otherwise what’s the point?
You can’t just go around doing whatever you want and expecting or hoping that everything will turn out your way.
You have to ensure that your actions are in line with your desired outcome. But you also have to remember that sometimes things just won’t quite turn out the way you want them to.
There is a gap between our wants and our actions.
For example, the gap between wanting to do better and actually doing better.
I believe that there is a always a gap but by putting in the effort little by little you’re able to bridge the gap. However, their is also the danger of falling into the gap by becoming inconsistent, uncommitted and making excuses. Essentially, your actions are no longer aligned with the things you say you want.
An example of this could be if your want is to become healthier but your action is eating chocolate cake for breakfast instead of something to provide nourishment to your body.
When you know what you want the focus should be on bridging the gap. Reflect on if the actions you’re taking are bringing you closer to where you want to be. Now this doesn’t mean never eating chocolate cake again but it probably means you shouldn’t be eating it everyday.
Often we hesiste to take action because we’re waiting on a feeling.
For example, you hesitate to lead, speak up or contribute because you’re waiting on confidence.
And so, you wait and put things off hoping that in time the confidence will come. But the confidence may never come. You don’t become more confident by holding back and shying away, it’s something that comes with practice.
So, instead of waiting on a feeling to take action, take action first and allow the feeling to follow.
There is often a gap between what we want and our actions.
For example you could say that you want to be a writer but you never take up the opportunity to share your work or get feedback.
Or maybe you want to move to a new city but you never look for jobs outside the city you currently live in.
In situations like this, when you’re actions don’t align with what you say you want it’s quite unlikely that things will ever work out.
And maybe you don’t really want the things you think you want but maybe you do.
This is why it is so useful to reflect and check. You might not even realise that if you just make a few small changes you can start making good progress towards the things you want.
I’m really into self-observation and learning about why we are the way we are.
I find behaviour to be quite fascinating. I’ve learnt that often how we act is down to the people we surround ourselves with and the people we allow ourselves to be influenced by rather than just something ingrained within.
It might be easy to blame external factors for why you are the way you are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change.
The same way you learned to be one way you can choose to learn to be different (and hopefully better).
So lets say you’re someone who has a habit of running late. And this has happened quite a few times with Friend A who is always super understanding about it.
Perhaps the first time you were late you were super apologetic and felt bad but you were also glad your friend was understanding and didn’t get mad about it.
For some people, when they keep getting a kind response as a reaction to their mistakes they’ll end up being less and less apologetic.
Afterall, what’s the point in preparing for the worst case scenario when the past responses have taught you that things will turn out fine.
This is how people end up taking advantage of kindness.
I used the example of being late but this can apply to any scenario where your actions directly effect someone else.
The point is that when you’re making mistakes or when you’re in the wrong you shouldn’t expect for others to just be cool with it. In fact, in some ways it’s actually healthy to accept one of the worst potential outcomes as it’ll keep you on your toes and your apology is much more likely to be genuine.
Granted, the best option will always be to do better but mistakes will always happen and that’s okay.
Right now there are a lot of discussions about what is right and wrong.
More often than not we consider it to be black and white. Of course in some cases it is that clear but there are also many cases where the waters are murky.
Robin Hood was known for stealing from the rich to give to the poor. stealing is considered wrong in society yet Robin Hood was never promoted as the bad guy becuase he had good intentions and was helping people.
I think a key part of figuring out right and wrong is looking at the intention behind the action. It also helps to put yourself in the other persons shoes.
Just because you don’t agree with a persons actions, doesn’t mean you have to bring out the pitchforks.