I’m posing the question of why we sometimes end up saying yes instead of no, or no instead of yes.
It’s related to fear, the root of a whole lotta life hassles.
You say yes to something you don’t want to do because you’re a people pleaser, you don’t want to disappoint the person and you want them to like.
You say no to something you want to do because you’re scared you won’t be good at it, it comes with uncertainty and you’re worried about what other people will think.
Or, perhaps you can’t relate as each decision you make is so in line with your core self that you know how to voice what it is you really want (or don’t want).
If you feel that you align with the former, all is not lost, your awareness means change is possible.
It’ll just take some practice.
If want to improve improve the user experience of your site get someone to browse through your site and come up with a few points on what could be better.
Or if you’re like me, you randomly decide to browse your own site and instantly find some things worth changing.
So this is really just a heads up to say if you notice things starting to look a little different. If you have any particular feedback on the site that’d be great.
When I started this site I was so focused on creating something simple to showcase daily musings that I didn’t really give thought to the design aspects of the site. In some ways that’s a good thing as I could have gotten so caught up in that aspect of the site that it distracted me from just writing.
However after just over 8 months, I think that now is the right time to make some changes.
And if Instagram is your thing why not follow me @thedailygemm
How exactly does one discover themselves?
Through exploration, experimentation and being open to the unknown.
If you live your life in the box of what you know, you may think that you know yourself. But actually, there is so much more of you to explore outside of that box.
As much as there is ‘the me I know’ inside of the box, there is also ‘the me I don’t know’ outside of it.
Granted you can’t experience every single thing in life but you can try things that are outside of your usual routine.
It can be big or it can be small.
- Visiting a new city
- Joining a group or class
- Doing the thing you’ve always thought about doing but kept putting off
- Going for a walk
You might think you know yourself or that you’re content with your life. But when you do a journal prompt like ‘Describe your dream life’ you might find you’re nowhere near where you want to be. Maybe you settled for an unfulfilling ‘stable’ job and you never even took the time to figure out what you truly wanted to do for a living.
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”
That’s how the story of how I discovered the person who would become one of my biggest life inspirations begins. This person would go on to help influence the words I wrote, the person I’ve become and the things that I chose to do.
At 17 I liked to think that I was someone who didn’t fall for marketing ploys. I liked to think that I was a girl unswayed by the things that surrounded me.
Mostly because marketing sometimes seemed like you were being tricked into wanting or buying things by people who wanted your money, like a sort of elaborate scam.
I wanted to believe that I was above that sort of thing but I can now admit that the perception I held of myself wasn’t true.
I was wrong.
Wrong because I felt myself pulled to pick up a book called ‘Free Prize Inside’. Turns out there was no actual free prize inside the book but it did change my life which is even better.
Perhaps there is no right time.
It’s easy to quit in the early stages but gets harder over time. After 3 years once you’ve invested time effort and energy quitting, even if it’s for the best feels like giving up.
And so, it’s hard to know the right time to quit. If you’ve been working on something for a while and that could just be a few months (it depends on how much you’re putting into it), if you’re thinking of quitting don’t make what you’ve put into it so far be the only reason to keep going.
But some questions to ask and things to consider are:
Do you still believe in what you’re doing?
If you knew what you now know, would you still start today?
Are you doing this for yourself or because you feel you have something to prove?
Do you enjoy doing the work?
Will the end result bring you joy?
It’s a gradual thing.
One day you have a solid morning routine and the next you’re running down the street with half your shirt undone hoping you have don’t miss the bus and that you have everything you need.
But it’s not as simple as that, the loss of a habit takes time.
It starts with pressing snooze, then skipping meditation and moves on to not even prepping the night before.
Some routines are hard to keep and sometimes we think that we want to bend away from what we know serves us, just to see what happens.
And sometimes we do it to remember why we implemented the routine in the first place.
I could probably write a book on things I’ve learnt from Seth Godin.
Seth taught me that maybe this fear is something I can work with instead of work for. As in, I can do everything I want to do and still have fear, instead letting the fear dictate what I do (which always ends up with me not doing what I actually want to do).
Learning to dance with fear is often uncomfortable (because it’s new) but it’s taught me valuable lessons about moving through life.
The best place to start is somewhere small because it’s like a form of immersion therapy. Imagine if you’re learning to swim, diving in at the deep end with no arm bands is probably a silly idea. You might end up panicking, swallowing water and needing to be rescued.
If that happens you’re unlikely to dust yourself off and try again. You almost died, it’s too dangerous, how could you even think it was a good idea. And your body will do it’s thing in letting you know it was dangerous and that you need to protect yourself. At that point even the shallow end will seem too risky.
But if you start at the shallow end and do the smallest uncomfortable thing that doesn’t feel too risky you might be willing to do something slightly bigger bit by bit overtime.
And then eventually diving in at the deep end won’t seem so risky. Because you’ve done everything else before that and it’s turned out okay. You’ll be at a point where you know what to do if you feel overwhelmed and even if you need a little help or support it you won’t feel like a failure.
Then once you’re out the deep end you’ll be okay to go back in again.
Turns out it wasn’t so scary after all.