So often, we’re afraid to be vulnerable and let people know where we’re at. In doing that you miss out on the opportunity to be supported by people that care.
What often ends up happening is you feel frustrated that there is no one to support you, not realising that you haven’t even given them a chance.
The best way to break this habit is to be more open when talking to the people that you know you can trust. Instead of having those Hey, how’s it going? Yeah, good thanks, you? types of conversations make the effort to be a little more vulnerable.
It might feel strange at first but when you talk to the right people they’ll listen to you and show support which is sometimes all you need. Your act of bravery might have a knock on effect because often you find that the other person will start to open up more too.
I recently had an unexpected conversation that I didn’t expect to have yet at the same time it was exactly what I needed.
It can be difficult to let people know that you need a little bit of reassurance once in a while. However, sometimes maybe it’s not even really reassurance but instead just to talk about your vulnerabilities and the things that scare you. It turned out that my situation I was discussing in conversation wasn’t as unique as I thought but that’s a good thing.
It made me understand that the challenges I was facing and the things I was struggling with we’re just life. That’s not to say that life is about challenges and struggles though.
I realised that in thinking my current circumstances were not the way things were supposed to be, I was pushing against them and filling my mind with fear when really what I needed to do was embrace them.
And after that conversation, the challenges and struggles didn’t seem so bad at all. I guess it’s like I always say, talking helps.
Sometimes it takes accidental escapism to remind you of the kind of person you desire to be.
Catch yourself in the moment and ask yourself questions like ‘Am I being myself?’ or ‘Is this truly where I want to be?’ And then answer them openly and vulnerably.
You might find that you’re quite content with the life you’ve created but perhaps you’re yearning for more. Many people believe that dreams are something that we have to grow out or let go of, that they aren’t to be actualized. But what if they are.
Perhaps that’s the reason for your lack of contentment in life.
All you have to do is figure out what you want and then go for it with full gusto.
But make it humorous.
How many times have you gone into a situation and rejected yourself or put yourself down before others had the chance?
And of course you don’t just say it out right, you make a joke because everyone likes to laugh. If it’s at your expense, maybe they’ll keep you around.
It’s interesting to identify the why behind your actions or the actions of others. It gives you a greater understanding and the opportunity to practice compassion.
So, maybe you could stop making those self deprecating jokes and try a vulnerable conversation with a friend (or someone else you’re comfortable talking to) instead.
This isn’t about a movement for equality, it’s something personal.
Liberation is a beautiful thing.
I recently realised that I’m experiencing a period of liberation in my life and it feels amazing.
The best part is I liberated myself. It wasn’t from any single action but instead a collection of things like daily gratitude, monthly morning manifestos, having open conversations about how I feel and allowing myself to be vulnerable.
The liberation has only just begun but so far it has shown up as me just being myself. In the past, I’ve had a lot of situations where the worry and fear overpowered my ability to do the things I wanted to do and so I would hold back.
The art of being yourself should be like free flowing water, it doesn’t require worry, going back and forth until you’re mentally exhausted and leaving situations wishing that you’d allowed yourself to be seen.
I feel as though I am entering a new stage in my life which is quite fitting as 2019 is coming to a close and the new decade is on the horizon.
I’m sharing this major growth point in my life with you because it is exactly what this blog is about. You have the opportunity to overcome the challenges you face and explore the joy of life.
The purpose of an animals shell is to protect them from danger.
Humans don’t have physical shells but we do have actions and behaviours that we express in order to protect ourselves.
So, let us play around with the metaphor of us humans having shells.
Perhaps you’re closed off around new people to protect yourself from getting hurt. And in some situations that might save you a lot of hassle and be a useful thing to do.
But what about when it’s time to be vulnerable or what about when you don’t actually need to protect yourself as there is no danger present.
As much as it’s great to know how to protect yourself it’s important to also remember that you don’t need to do it all the time.
Just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re the best person to seek advice from.
I think there’s a level of vulnerability that comes with asking for advice, to be open and honest enough to say ‘Hey, so I’m going through xyz and I just wanted to get some advice from you as I’m not really sure how to move forward.’
Something I’ve learnt is that when I have a difficult decision to make it helps to view the situation from a different perspective and sometimes that happens quickest when you talk to someone.
However, it’s important to make sure that you’re talking to the right person.
For me that would be:
Someone I trust.
Someone I look up to.
Someone I admire.
Someone who has my best interests at heart.
Someone who will give impartial advice.
Someone with experience.
When you feel stuck and want some advice you probably want it from someone who can help steer you in the right direction rather than someone who leaves you feeling stressed or further fuels your indecision.
Whilst recently asking for advice I realised that often the main thing I want is someone who can shift my perspective.
Perhaps to not even advise on my specific situation but to remind me that I’m capable of making the ‘right’ decision.