Some people will never truly hear you when you speak no matter how hard you try.
In those circumstances the solution is never to try harder.
You might think that the harder you try they’ll eventually come around and hear you out. But the thing is some people aren’t interested in being wrong.
Some people aren’t interested in hearing a perspective that contradicts their own.
And even if they realise that they were wrong and the information you shared had changed their mind, they’re more likely to dismiss that.
When a person is more interested in being right than being open to new information, it might be a waste of time trying to get them to listen.
Right now there are a lot of discussions about what is right and wrong.
More often than not we consider it to be black and white. Of course in some cases it is that clear but there are also many cases where the waters are murky.
Robin Hood was known for stealing from the rich to give to the poor. stealing is considered wrong in society yet Robin Hood was never promoted as the bad guy becuase he had good intentions and was helping people.
I think a key part of figuring out right and wrong is looking at the intention behind the action. It also helps to put yourself in the other persons shoes.
Just because you don’t agree with a persons actions, doesn’t mean you have to bring out the pitchforks.
Looking back on the past couple of months, what have been your highlights?
What has brought you joy?
How have you been spending your time?
For some there’s a chance that they have been blossoming into a more truer version of themselves. Becoming someone who is considerate about how they spend their time.
It’s not that you didn’t give it much thought before, it’s that it’s suddenly become much easier to be choosy.
You’re no longer making the best of small fragments of free time, you’re making the best of your time overall.
As a result (in spite of everything going on in the world), you might feel the happiest you’ve felt in a while.
That thing that you’re not interested in, that you don’t think is for you, it might be one day.
It takes time for the mind to open up to things, especially when they’re different or new.
This could apply to the music you listen to, shows you watch or even the food that you eat.
One day you’re telling everyone that you don’t do comedy, you don’t find it funny and you much prefer a drama.
Then years later you’re sat at home watching the office (US), snorting with laughter thankful that you changed your mind about the kind of shows you watch.
The thing with your taste changing over time is that it’s part of your development. You don’t need to force yourself to be a certain way right now just because it’s something on the path you’re heading down.
Be patient, remain open and allow the changes to happen naturally.
Right now is a difficult time for a lot of people.
One of the easiest things you can do is read every article, keep up with live news updates online or on TV, scroll social media and panic.
But the chances are those things aren’t actually helping. Knowing the ever’changing stats of cases in countries across the globe is probably not going to bring you comfort or put your mind at ease.
Most people use social media in excess on a normal day but it’s likely that things have been ramped up even further recently.
Seeing people tell you what they think you should think or how they think you should feel might only add to your frustrations, not soothe them.
And so right now it’s worth being a little more intentional about what you’re consuming.
You don’t need to keep up with everything.
It’s easy to fall into thinking that you only have 2 options.
Do nothing or do what everyone else is doing.
Sometimes that works out okay but other times you need a third option.
That third option is to carve you’re own path and do what feels best for you.
And sure that might draw attention to you or people will have something to say about you straying from the norm but it’s better than the alternative.
I’ve learnt that it’s important to be able to stand in your truth without considering other peoples opinions and thoughts before you’re own.
It could be pursuing a career that others see as risky, taking a solo trip or even speaking up about issues that are important to you.
It doesn’t matter what it is but it does matter that you do what’s right for you.
When it comes to race related comments, what’s worth commenting on?
Is it worth the energy it takes to call someone out and explain to them why what they said is slightly (or maybe even highly) concerning?
If it goes well it would probably be worth it but if the other person is adamant that there was nothing wrong with what they said, where do you go from there?
Furthermore, it’s almost as if your race becomes a burden when in certain spaces you realise that people might just be tolerating you but after a drink or two they’ll make a race related comment.
And so let’s take it full circle and ask the question of what comments are worth commenting on?
Turns out there is no set answer.
In the company of one as in you, yourself and um you, there are many valuable lessons to learn.
A significant one being Who am I?
It’s much easier to gain an understanding of yourself when you’re not having to consider others. I think that the aspects of you in solitude should be the aspects of you that show up when you’re in the company of others.
Things like being able to say what you want, contribute opinions, take the lead and just be you.
For example, when you’re doing things alone you have to make decisions, you can’t rely on others to choose for you.
But for some despite how they are when they’re alone, in the company of others they end up being ‘them but less’, perhaps a little passive or even submissive.
You do it because you want to play the peacemaker or not rock the boat, you don’t think you deserve to be heard or perhaps you’re just scared.
Hiding/playing small is difficult to overcome once it’s ingrained in you as a habitual response.
But change is possible, it just takes practice.
If you live outside of the UK and keep up with global politics then you’ll know that on the 12th December there is a UK general election.
Although there are various parties running, it’s really just a choice between Labour and Conservatives.
From the perspective of someone who isn’t particularly political, Labour is for ‘the people’ and Conservatives are for ‘the man’.
But I also think it’s worth reading about the plans of both parties and making an independent judgement.
Don’t just follow the crowd, your family or what you see on social media. Get informed and vote based on your own opinion.
I think it’s better to vote based on what you believe instead of just copying what’s popular because you’re scared to stand out.
It might make for an uncomfortable conversation but at least you stood up for your beliefs.
Like books, podcasts, talks etc
If someone asks for a recommendation when your interests aren’t mainstream, it’s easy to hold back. It’s easy to be reluctant to share that local band who are heavily influenced by 80s synth pop.
You might skip over that book you read a while back by a neurologist purely out of curiosity.
That podcast with a spiritual/holistic focus won’t even get a mention.
But I think those things are worth passing on. If you were lucky enough to find something you enjoy that people you’re around might not be aware of, why not tell them about it?
It’s easy to be put off by the thought of blank or uninterested faces.
But at least you were willing to share something about yourself.
Plus, you might even find someone else who is interested in the same things as you.