Internalising boundaries

You can learn a lot from someone by simply observing them.

I recently noticed in a particular relationship that the other person had very clear boundaries. It wasn’t anything that had been explicitly stated but through this persons actions it was very clear what they were and were not open to.

Sometimes a persons boundaries can feel personal. You might feel that they’re being harsh and closed off toward you. On the other hand you might internalise it and end up thinking you need to put in more effort.

In the situation I experienced I could have taken it personally, in fact 5 years ago I would have. I’d have thought this means [insert monologue of dramatic over reaction here] and maybe this person doesn’t like me.

But I now understand that a boundary is for the person setting them, it has little to do with the people on the receiving end.

Avoiding the issue

It’s easier than you think.

If you watch and observe the way people behave you might notice that they avoid the main issue and instead focus on the small things that do not in-fact make the big difference.

Take for example the habit of procrastination. A procrastinator might end up feeling like they don’t have enough time to get things done. And so by making time the issue, you might think that the solution is to give them more time.

But all that happens is that extra time is still not enough, it’ll probably never be enough because the issue isn’t time, it’s procrastination.

That’s the thing that needs to be addressed anything else is just avoiding the issue

An alternative to seeking reassurance

It was either Seth Godin or Simon Sinek that once said that you shouldn’t seek reassurance because it’s something you can never have enough of.

I don’t think I fully understood the statement until I observed it in others and in myself.

Reassurance creates a temporary fence of stability that lets you know things are fine but it doesn’t last. It’s like a cloud of smoke that will eventually disperse until there’s nothing left and then you just end up back where you started, seeking reassurance once more.

And so instead of seeking reassurance,

Why not practise being adaptable, embracing uncertainty and getting out of your comfort zone?

Sort of like an apology

I suppose this blog is an indication of where I’m at in life. I’ve noticed slowly more and more personal snippets have seeped into my last few blog posts.

There’s been mentions of people and feelings which I never expected I’d put out on here but I think the only reason I’m okay with it is because I’m keeping things somewhat vague.

This post is sort of an apology because I’ve been using this blog to mull over my personal life and that’s not really what The Daily Gemm is about.

I want to get back to my other kinds of posts that are about observations of life and the human experience.