As much as you may say you want certain things, you might not want them as much as you think you do.
For example, wanting a dog but not wanting the extra responsibility required. It could be wanting a promotion but not the mentoring and leadership you’ll be required to give to colleagues once you’re higher up in the company.
It can actually end up being for the best to not get what you want because when you get it you won’t really want it. Sometimes we only realise this in hindsight. However, I like to believe that is the reason why certain things just don’t work out.
It might be frustrating in the moment but you’ll be much better off getting what you want instead of getting what you think you want.
Sometimes it helps to take a few steps back and return to the way things were. We often perceive this to be a negative thing as though we have regressed. However, it might actually be the case that the way you used to do things was much better.
So often we search for better or new because we don’t know what’s out there. And so we turn away from what we know and venture out to see what else is on offer. Sometimes we find other great options or ways of doing things but other times we end longing for what once was.
It’s normal to want to explore and try new things but perhaps you’ll ending up finding that the way things were is exactly how you want them to be.
In a recent post, I wrote about how sometimes your best isn’t good enough. However, I think that idea requires further thought and explanation because it’s not as simple as it may seem.
To be told that your best isn’t good enough can be a difficult pill to swallow, it can be disheartening. Your best isn’t something rigid that can’t be changed, yet we often perceive it that way.
Instead of thinking that it’s your best overall, think of it as your current best. You’re current best is flexible, it’s something that can be changed and improved upon.
And so, if it’s not good enough right now, it can get better.
Sometimes the way you envision things in your mind isn’t quite the way they pan out in real life.
It can be difficult to accept when things don’t turn out the way you expected them to. But this only really happens when reality fails your expectations. On the flipside when you’re expectations are surpassed you’re happy, you don’t question it.
The reason failed expectations bother us so much is because we allowed ourselves to get excited at the thought of something we want to happen. Then, when reality falls short we’re now disappointed because we know how things could have panned out and things could have turned out much better.
Not everything will be perfect and not everything needs to be.
Sometimes all you need to do is focus on making something that is good enough for right now.
Maybe, you can make it better later or maybe good enough is all that it needs to be.
If that’s the case, any time spent making it amazing isn’t time well spent. Instead of stressing to make it better, try focusing your efforts and energy on something that needs to be much better than just good enough.
Often when when we face a new situation that involves uncertainty, we automatically assume the worst. We make up a story about how bad it’ll be, how everything will go wrong and how maybe we’d have been better off if things stayed the way they were.
But, change is inevitable and so you have to learn to get used it.
The funny thing about these situations is that, we prepare ourselves for the worst but things never turn out as bad as we think they might.
In fact, things often turn out much better.
The way your world operates would be quite different if you lived in another period or in another country. You’d be living a life made up of slightly or even totally different systems to the ones you currently know.
That’s something that may have crossed your mind multiple times.
But, do you ever take it one step further?
What if the systems upheld in our current society, that contribute so heavily to what we consider important or even real, were given an over haul.
Maybe some of what you consider to be ‘just the way things are’ could change and become something different, something better.
It’s worth thinking about, not to inspire you to overthrow the status quo but because this is your life.
Many times we get so caught up in the way the world is, that end up placing the most importance on the things that matter the least.
Or how to get caught in false productivity, when really you’re just wasting time.
You could spend forever planning if you really wanted to. You could write lists, create mind maps and make a 12 month plan. You can do all of those things and make no progress on the project you are planning for.
Sometimes, we hide behind planning because we don’t feel ready to begin.
And it’s not to say that planning is bad, it’s a good thing.
However, a big reason for over planning is because you don’t want anything to go wrong. But eventually you have to get the point where you realise that you just can’t plan for everything.
As much as you can try to plan, It turns out that most of the time we’re better off starting and then tweaking and making things better as we go.
Some days will be more challenging than others.
There will be difficult days and then there will be better days.
It’s easy to forget when things are challenging and difficult that they won’t be that way forever.
It’s easy to focus on the thing that is not going to plan and you can end up doing it so much that you lose the ability to see past it.
But just because today is difficult, doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way forever. Maybe tomorrow (or the next day) will be better.
I’m really into self-observation and learning about why we are the way we are.
I find behaviour to be quite fascinating. I’ve learnt that often how we act is down to the people we surround ourselves with and the people we allow ourselves to be influenced by rather than just something ingrained within.
It might be easy to blame external factors for why you are the way you are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change.
The same way you learned to be one way you can choose to learn to be different (and hopefully better).