Vulnerability and having your needs met

Do you really know what you want?

Often we go around telling people what we do want and even what we don’t want. Doing so can help you feel like you know and understand yourself because you’re able to articulate your needs.

What can end up happening is, when the needs you voiced are met, you come to find that it’s not what you really wanted at all.

Suddenly, you find yourself going back on your previous statement or displaying emotions like frustration or annoyance at the person who has done what you asked.

For example, you may say that you want to be left alone. However, when everyone leaves you end up getting upset.

The truth of that matter is that you didn’t really want to be left alone. Perhaps, it’s that you felt misunderstood, wanted someone to sit with you and listen or just wanted comfort. However, voicing these kinds of needs isn’t always easy because they show your vulnerable side.

It’s much easier to just say that you want to be alone, particularly when you’re not sure if the people around you are capable of meeting your real needs.

But, if you give the people around you some credit and allow yourself to be vulnerable for just a moment, you might find that you’re able to get exactly what you need.

Waiting for a cue

Sometimes when there’s something you want to say the easiest way to bring it up is to wait for a ‘cue’.

My dictionary defines a cue as ‘An action or event that is a signal for somebody to do something’.

In this case the thing to do is bring up a topic that is difficult to speak about or difficult to for people to listen.

However, the problem with waiting for a cue is that sometimes other people will not consider your approach genuine. But furthermore, it stirs up the question of why you’re unable to bring the topic up on your own.

Why do you have to wait for a cue?

Perhaps because you’re not ready to admit how much the topic matters or maybe you just don’t dont have the confidence yet.

It might not be easy the first time but get used to talking about what matters, you don’t need to wait for a cue.

Struggling to write

After a week or so of struggling to write I got my flow back, the words began to pour.

I began to think about how difficult it had been to post everyday that previous week, until I caught myself and realised why I hadn’t been able to write as easily.

I’d stopped writing.

In that week or so of struggling to write I’d gotten caught up in being┬ábusy and I chose to do other things with my time instead of write. And so I suppose I created this story in my head about struggling to write because it was easier than admitting the truth.

Plus, at times it’s almost cool to have ‘writers block’ just so you can shout about when it’s over.

 

The third option

It’s easy to fall into thinking that you only have 2 options.

Do nothing or do what everyone else is doing.

Sometimes that works out okay but other times you need a third option.

That third option is to carve you’re own path and do what feels best for you.

And sure that might draw attention to you or people will have something to say about you straying from the norm but it’s better than the alternative.

I’ve learnt that it’s important to be able to stand in your truth without considering other peoples opinions and thoughts before you’re own.

It could be pursuing a career that others see as risky, taking a solo trip or even speaking up about issues that are important to you.

It doesn’t matter what it is but it does matter that you do what’s right for you.