Vulnerability and having your needs met

Do you really know what you want?

Often we go around telling people what we do want and even what we don’t want. Doing so can help you feel like you know and understand yourself because you’re able to articulate your needs.

What can end up happening is, when the needs you voiced are met, you come to find that it’s not what you really wanted at all.

Suddenly, you find yourself going back on your previous statement or displaying emotions like frustration or annoyance at the person who has done what you asked.

For example, you may say that you want to be left alone. However, when everyone leaves you end up getting upset.

The truth of that matter is that you didn’t really want to be left alone. Perhaps, it’s that you felt misunderstood, wanted someone to sit with you and listen or just wanted comfort. However, voicing these kinds of needs isn’t always easy because they show your vulnerable side.

It’s much easier to just say that you want to be alone, particularly when you’re not sure if the people around you are capable of meeting your real needs.

But, if you give the people around you some credit and allow yourself to be vulnerable for just a moment, you might find that you’re able to get exactly what you need.

An easy way to be misunderstood

Hiding who you are is an easy way to find yourself misunderstood.

If you focus on only beingĀ  a small fragment of your true self then that is what people will take you as.

That small fragment could be serious and hardworking but deep down you have a silly side.

Maybe you’re embarrassed about the silly side or worried about judged so you hold back.

You don’t join in with certain conversations even when you have something to contribute, as though you’re not allowed to speak.

Yet you walk around feeling misunderstood totally unaware that you’re in a web of your own making.

Reflecting on the part you play in your own life circumstances is a useful exercise.