Sometimes all it takes is to tune into a random passing thought.
Perhaps there is something that has been on your mind for a while or maybe it’s something that you’d totally forgotten about. Either way, you’ll get a thought that serves as a call to action that gives you an idea of what to do next or how to progress with something.
Often, when we feel stuck or we’re not sure what changes we need to make, we think we need to brainstorm, plan and come up with ideas.
We unknowingly try to force something because we feel like we need to know now and that to wait is to waste time.
But your mind is rarely clear when you’re trying to rush something, it’s actually more beneficial to slow down and patient.
Then all of a sudden, something will come to you and you’ll know exactly what you need to do next.
And sometimes you realise that you’ve changed. Maybe few years ago or even just last year you’d have said nothing, said it was fine and pushed how you felt aside. You may have been upset, hurt or just frustrated but you were too afraid to show it for fear of your feelings being invalidated.
But now you’re different, you’re not waiting for someone else and you’re not relying on validation. It probably feels empowering because after all this time you’re finally using your voice and speaking your mind.
For everyone else in your life, this may come as a shock because they’re so used to you hiding away and being okay with everything. The shock of others can be enough for some to revert to their old ways, especially if there is a fear of losing people. However, speaking your mind is important, you don’t need to be in a constant state of ‘good’, ‘fine’, ‘not too bad’ or ‘alright’.
Maybe you’re not alright and of course you’ll feel better later but why not honour how you feel in the moment and express it.
We grow up carrying around certain beliefs, ideas and perspectives. We have things that we tell ourselves we wouldn’t do. It could be anything from playing sports to wearing false nails, hiring a cleaner to watching stand up comedy.
These aspects help shape the kind of people we end up becoming.
However, sometimes we reach a crossing where we want to explore other aspects of ourselves without the limitations we had previously used to form our identities.
Perhaps you now want to try something that conflicts with the ideas or beliefs of your past.
It could be something that appears small to others yet for you this change almost feels like a betrayal. It means you’re no longer the person you thought you were/would be.
It’s especially difficult when you start becoming or experimenting with things that you associate with the kind of person you used to judge and make negative assumptions about.
The idea of something is often much more appealing than the reality.
When you get caught up in a daydream about life, you’re in control you can make it whatever you want it to be.
You can come up with an idea that is totally impossible in the real world but plays out with ease in your mind.
But when reality strikes, when the thing you’ve been thinking about finally happens, it’s always very different.
It could be owning a designer bag.
You have this idea in your mind that you’ll be happier, that it will grant you some sort of status and that you’ll be more confident.
The reality is that you’re exactly the same, you just have a bag that was super expensive.
We create this fantasy that can only ever exist in our minds which often leads to us just feeling disappointed.
I just googled not being able to voice your needs and there were about 1,220,000,000 results.
Being able to voice your needs is an important part of life. If you can’t say what you need, you probably won’t get it.
If you’ve ever been that person you might have been lucky enough to find someone that gets you. Not in any romantic sense but just someone that understands you even when you’re not able to find the words. That kind of person comes into your life through you being open and vulnerable enough to voice your needs.
It could be as simple as letting someone know that you need space, at first the person might be surprised or not take it well. But over time a good friend or someone that cares about you will understand that at certain times you need to be alone. And it won’t become an issue, they won’t try and make you feel bad or tell you that you have to have to talk now. They will listen and respect your needs.
On the flipside, people that aren’t able to voice their needs might end up falling into feeling misunderstood or uncared for and then carrying that feeling around them everywhere they go. But more often than not, that feeling isn’t true at all. It only feels true because you’re not saying what you need.
If someone asked you why you didn’t achive a particular goal it’s likely that not having the opportunitiy would be one of your reasons.
When you’re far from where you want to be it can be difficult to realise that you are capable of making things happen. And it’s not that you’re in control of everything but more that you don’t have to rely on external things all the time.
You can create your own opportunities.
I think that statement has been true for a long time but with Instagram, Youtube, Podcasts and really just the internet in general, that has chnaged.
The person that wanted to be a talk show host can gather a few friends and put something together for YouTube or the person who wants to be a stylist can share images of their work on Instagram.
But opportunities can be created offline too in your everyday life. They might not be so obvious but they’re there. Often it is just a case of being open enough.
When something is on your mind and you choose not to say it, the result is often unideal.
Let’s think of the thing you choose to hold in as a tennis ball. If you say it, you can drop the ball but if you don’t say it, you have to carry the ball around with you.
At first, it doesn’t really bother you because a tennis ball isn’t particularly big and you can carry it in one hand with no issue.
But after a few hours, days or weeks it starts to become an inconvenience.
We sometimes kid ourselves that things don’t bother us but then a few weeks later it’s still on our mind, the tennis ball is still in your hand.
And like with the tennis ball concept, we end up telling ourselves that it doesn’t matter because it’s small or easy to carry. But if you apply this mentality, you’ll find yourself carrying several tennis balls.
The point is that you don’t have to.
When you allow yourself to hold on to lots of little things, they eventually become a great burden instead of a potentially short conversation that you can move on from.
When you’re vocal about your beliefs and the things you want to do in your life, it can be difficult when you change your mind.
If you openly displayed yourself to the world in a particular way, major change (especially if it contradicts with your existing aims) will come with judgement.
It will come from strangers and people around you but it will also come from yourself. You judge yourself because you have difficulty comprehending and accepting that a person can hold a set of beliefs and then months or years later decide to reject them in favour of something else.
That internal judgement matters more than the judgement we receive from others because if you can’t understand yourself and the choices you’re making, what does that say about who you are?
If you go through a period of stress or anxiety, something that can work wonders is taking a break.
It might seem counter productive and you might feel like the better thing to do is pull yourself deeper into what ever has gotten you off balance.
But further exposing yourself to thing that isn’t making you feel good is probably not going to make you feel any better.
What you might need is to take a break.
In this day and age, in our go, go, go society it can be challenging to really take a break from your day to day life.
And so I think it’s important to figure out what helps you rest, reset and refresh your mind.
It could be a walk in nature where you’re away from buildings and cars but surrounded by greenery and wild flowers.
It could be a massage, something that forces you have to stay still and you have to put your phone away.
And once you’re done you’ll know that it worked when you can go back to thing that had you feeling stressed but you now feel calm and at peace.
Everybody daydreams whether it’s a few seconds or dedicated moments in your week. Sometimes we daydream about everyday thing then other times our minds wander to things far out of reach.
It could be something like winning an award, moving to a new city or even meeting the love of your life.
But what do you do when that thing you used to dream about has now become your reality. One of the first things that might come up is a sense of familiarity because your mind has experienced it before.
However, what you might also find is that you’re not ready or prepared for your daydreams to become your reality. For example, let’s say you spent months daydreaming about moving to a new city. When the opportunity comes up instead of jumping at the chance you might end up passing it up because ‘now is not the right time’.
That might mean you never wanted it in the first place or maybe you’re just afraid of change.