When you don’t have anyone to talk to

Through this blog you may have read the phrase ‘talking helps’ at least once or twice.

I’m an advocate for talking because it is something that has changed my life and I think it’s something that at time is overlooked.

As much as I can advocate for people to talk more, the truth is not everyone has someone they can talk to.

Perhaps you don’t have any friends, you’re scared to open up to a family member, you can’t afford a therapist/counselling or you’re on a GP waiting list that could take over 6 months.

Talking might not solve the issue but being able to get things off your chest can work wonders for your well-being.

There’s a free service called Samaritans that you can use to call, email, write a letter or even visit in person to talk face to face. They’re available in various countries around the world including America, UK and Australia

Samaritans is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide…

You don’t have to wait until you’re on the edge and life is getting to be too much, in fact you shouldn’t. Personally over the past year in particular I’ve found that talking about things more in general stops things becoming so overwhelming.

I think it’s lovely that these kinds of free services exist and I wanted to share it with you because it might be helpful for you or to pass on to someone you know.

Self-depreciating

But make it humorous.

How many times have you gone into a situation and rejected yourself or put yourself down before others had the chance?

And of course you don’t just say it out right, you make a joke because everyone likes to laugh. If it’s at your expense, maybe they’ll keep you around.

It’s interesting to identify the why behind your actions or the actions of others. It gives you a greater understanding and the opportunity to practice compassion.

So, maybe you could stop making those self deprecating jokes and try a vulnerable conversation with a friend (or someone else you’re comfortable talking to) instead.

Life changing habits: Let go of expectations

This used to be one of my worst habits.

I’d do this thing where I’d place a lot of expectations on people that left no room for humanness and left me feeling disappointed.

Once I realised that I did this I started making a conscious effort to stop. I’ve learnt how to catch myself in the act and it is such a blessing. It means I’m much less bothered by what people do.

Letting go of expectation has made some relationships a lot easier. It has also helped me clarify that in some cases I’m more invested than the other person and that we should probably just part ways.

It’s also about balance. For example, expecting a friend to make time to see you realistic but if you’re always expecting your friend to be free and getting upset or annoyed when they’re busy, you might want to reassess your expectations.

45 Minute friendship

So there we were 2 strangers on the train sitting in first class. The train had come to a standstill as there were some issues at the train ahead.

We heard a voice over the loudspeaker suggesting that depending on our destination we should either get off the current train and travel via a different route or get the bus.

Based on where I was headed the bus was my only option and as people started to leave the train I began talking to a stranger who looked just as inconvenienced as I felt.

So we got chatting, left the train and got the bus together as we were heading in the same location.

Even though we’d just met, there was a level of comfort/familiarity as though we weren’t strangers, as if we were already friends.

Our conversation was pretty open but we were by no means BFFs, we were instead 2 strangers caught in an inconvenient situation who perhaps both thought that it might be easier to have someone else to get through it with.

We reached the point of parting around 45 minutes after we met and just like that the friendship was over.

Considered

The expectation to be considered isn’t one that I’d want from many, but when someone tries to convince you that they do consider you, if their actions don’t align then it’s justifiable to let them know how you feel.

You don’t have to ‘go off!’ at the person and make things dramatic. However, it is important to communicate that based on their actions regarding x, y or z, it’s clear that they did not mean the things they said.

It’s sometimes confronting to be truthful and honest (especially when it comes to the way you feel) because it’s you standing in your power saying ‘I’m not willing to accept less and I don’t deserve to settle’.

Presenting vulnerability

I was listening to a podcast a couple days ago and they were talking about how sometimes we don’t open up to our friends when we’re going through things.

Maybe you’ve gotten some bad news recently or you’re just going through a difficult time but when a friend asks how you are you just say your fine. I’ve been that person many times because I do find it difficult to open up.

What is so interesting about it though is I would want my friends to be able to come to me if they had anything going on yet. It’s interesting that I wanted the people in my life to do the thing that I’ve often not allowed myself to do.

A lot of that is about not allowing myself to be vulnerable. So that often leads to this perception that maybe I’m always fine or never have anything going on in my life and I’d be frustrated at that perception yet it’s what I present.