This used to be one of my worst habits.
I’d do this thing where I’d place a lot of expectations on people that left no room for humanness and left me feeling disappointed.
Once I realised that I did this I started making a conscious effort to stop. I’ve learnt how to catch myself in the act and it is such a blessing. It means I’m much less bothered by what people do.
Letting go of expectation has made some relationships a lot easier. It has also helped me clarify that in some cases I’m more invested than the other person and that we should probably just part ways.
It’s also about balance. For example, expecting a friend to make time to see you realistic but if you’re always expecting your friend to be free and getting upset or annoyed when they’re busy, you might want to reassess your expectations.
I recently bumped into someone that I hadn’t seen in 4 years. Sure we follow each other on social media but we don’t interact with each other much.
So what was so amazing is that things fell right into place as though no time had passed, in the best possible way.
This person even brought up the last time we met and I was surprised that they remembered it so well.
Anyway maybe I’m just getting old but I love that there are people in my life that I don’t see regularly but when I do see them, even though we’ve both changed, the relationship/connection still remains.
I guess this is just what happens you grow up.
So there we were 2 strangers on the train sitting in first class. The train had come to a standstill as there were some issues at the train ahead.
We heard a voice over the loudspeaker suggesting that depending on our destination we should either get off the current train and travel via a different route or get the bus.
Based on where I was headed the bus was my only option and as people started to leave the train I began talking to a stranger who looked just as inconvenienced as I felt.
So we got chatting, left the train and got the bus together as we were heading in the same location.
Even though we’d just met, there was a level of comfort/familiarity as though we weren’t strangers, as if we were already friends.
Our conversation was pretty open but we were by no means BFFs, we were instead 2 strangers caught in an inconvenient situation who perhaps both thought that it might be easier to have someone else to get through it with.
We reached the point of parting around 45 minutes after we met and just like that the friendship was over.
The expectation to be considered isn’t one that I’d want from many, but when someone tries to convince you that they do consider you, if their actions don’t align then it’s justifiable to let them know how you feel.
You don’t have to ‘go off!’ at the person and make things dramatic. However, it is important to communicate that based on their actions regarding x, y or z, it’s clear that they did not mean the things they said.
It’s sometimes confronting to be truthful and honest (especially when it comes to the way you feel) because it’s you standing in your power saying ‘I’m not willing to accept less and I don’t deserve to settle’.
I was listening to a podcast a couple days ago and they were talking about how sometimes we don’t open up to our friends when we’re going through things.
Maybe you’ve gotten some bad news recently or you’re just going through a difficult time but when a friend asks how you are you just say your fine. I’ve been that person many times because I do find it difficult to open up.
What is so interesting about it though is I would want my friends to be able to come to me if they had anything going on yet. It’s interesting that I wanted the people in my life to do the thing that I’ve often not allowed myself to do.
A lot of that is about not allowing myself to be vulnerable. So that often leads to this perception that maybe I’m always fine or never have anything going on in my life and I’d be frustrated at that perception yet it’s what I present.