Knowing yourself vs knowing your anxiety

They might seem the same but they’re not.

An anxious person will grow to become familiar with the feeling of anxiety and how it manifests in they’re day to day life.

And over time they may find that they knowing doing certain things will trigger there anxiety so they won’t do it.

But not because it’s dangerous or unsafe but because they’re afraid. And the thing with fear is that it’s a feeling and so even when in your mind you know it’s fine your body is sending signals that it’s not.

So just because you know yourself when you’re afraid it’s not the same as knowing yourself because you’re more than your fears.

Chances are there’s so many aspects of you that you’ve not given yourself space to explore.

 

The comparison monologue

Also known as complaining about all the things other people have.

‘She’s the same age as me but I’m pretty sure she’s a millionaire (or at least not far from it), she successful, beautiful, has great personal style, has more freedom, more friends and probably more of something else beginning with F, like Fendi perhaps. I definitely can’t afford Fendi.

Her life is so much better than mine.’

What’s the use in making comparisons if it doesn’t feel good or it makes you forget all the good things your life is full of.

How about instead of looking at what other people have, focus on yourself.

You have a challenging and interesting job, you have a few close special friends, you make people laugh, you’re generous, you spend your free time creating and you’re an avid learner.

Sure you don’t have tonnes of money but that’s not what has you feeling discontent because there will always be someone who has things you don’t have.

You feel discontent because you’re playing a losing game whilst trying to convince yourself that you can win.

You feel discontent because you’re not happy with where you’re at and you’re using other people as a distraction from how you feel about yourself.

But maybe you could face those feelings and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel for the better.

 

Everything must go!

There’s a lesson in almost everything.

How much stuff are you holding onto that doesn’t feel good.

Think about who or what you’re following on social media, what are you subscribed to, the contents of your closet or home space.

How does it make you feel?

If it doesn’t feel good, why not?

Furthermore, why are you still holding onto it?

A think a bi-annual (if not seasonal) life cull is a useful way to ensure that you’re only letting the good stuff stay. It’s important to be strict when you cull or else you end up keeping things for no real reason, you have to be honest with yourself about what you actually want or need in your life.

Do you need those slingbacks from 6 years ago that you’ve only worn once?

Do you need to keep following that stranger who is friends with that super hardworking, inspiring and stylish woman (who is also a stranger)?

Or how about that book you know you’ll never read or those old bedsheets that are just taking up space?

If it’s not something you use, know you will use or doesn’t serve any purpose in your life aside from being clutter then there’s not much use holding onto it.

When you’re going on a journey, you can’t take everything with you.

Take a moment

A reaction rooted in anger is one you’re likely to regret.

Anything that builds up has to have a release eventually. And if you’ve tried to release or resolve it to no avail then it’s important that you do find a way.

Bursts of anger and outrage often come unexpectedly and end up being directed at the wrong person.

This is why it’s important to nip things in the bud instead of leaving ‘bad’ feelings to flourish.

But if nipping things in the bud isn’t something you’re comfortable with yet, it’ll be important to know when you need to take a moment because that anger will come up at some point.

The feeling is not the problem

I think this is what they call a break through.

Perhaps we should look at situations from a neutral perspective.

The feeling you have towards any situation is not the problem and that is the mistake that is so often made.

We get so carries away by how dreadful it feels and sometimes that can spur us on but other times its just a hindrance. How are you supposed to go out into the world and thrive when you’re caught up in emotions.

Take unemployment for example. If you’re focused on how blah it feels to not have a job then every rejection email will be more likely to feel like a knock physically and mentally. Then before you know it you’ll be declaring that the job market is impossible and that you’re without a hope in the world.

The feeling is not the problem.

If you’re instead focused on the act of applying for jobs and improving your CV you’ll undoubtedly have a very different experience.

And the thing with a job is if there’s only vacancy and 50 people apply even if they’re all perfect applicants 49 people will still ‘lose’.

But that doesn’t make them losers it just means they have to keep playing that game.

Making notes, things to remember

I recently found a scrap of paper with a few sentences scrawled on it. I’d forgotten about this particular moment but as I read my words it all came flooding back.

I’d written down some thoughts about a conversation I had with someone over lunch. It was from around 4 years ago which reminded me how quickly things can change because I’m living a totally different life now.

But what really surprised me is how clearly, I could remember that moment.

This is one of the reasons I love to write, I’m able to make notes of things that are meaningful to me and look back on them years later. What’s even better is that I remember how I felt.

As great as photo’s are, they could have never captured this moment the way that words have.

Midweek blues

When you’re somewhere between Monday and Friday and feeling what one can only describe as blah, what do you do?

You let it out of course!

I used to think the answer was find a pick me up and get back to feeling good as quick as possible. However often when you take that approach its as good as sprinkling glitter on a pile of s***.

Instead try resolving the blah and allow yourself to feel it enough that you can get past it without bypassing the brunt of it or the crux of the issue.

Back to the good stuff

I’d like to be writing something more inspiring, uplifting or thought prompting. But instead here I am writing tales of things that greatly frustrate me, of situations that turned out not quite as I’d have planned. But that’s the things with words, sometimes its necessary to just let them pour out instead of trying to write in a particular kind of way.

And I guess this is my way of saying that I have a lot on my mind and even though I’m not writing all about it explicitly it’s been prevalent in many of the pieces I’ve written over the past few days.

As much as I want to get back to the good stuff, I don’t want to ignore what’s on my mind at the moment. I’m hoping that once I’m through with where I’m at right now there will be more to come that you’ll probably be much more interested in so bear with me, please.

Presenting vulnerability

I was listening to a podcast a couple days ago and they were talking about how sometimes we don’t open up to our friends when we’re going through things.

Maybe you’ve gotten some bad news recently or you’re just going through a difficult time but when a friend asks how you are you just say your fine. I’ve been that person many times because I do find it difficult to open up.

What is so interesting about it though is I would want my friends to be able to come to me if they had anything going on yet. It’s interesting that I wanted the people in my life to do the thing that I’ve often  not allowed myself to do.

A lot of that is about not allowing myself to be vulnerable. So that often leads to this perception that maybe I’m always fine or never have anything going on in my life and I’d be frustrated at that perception yet it’s what I present.

A feeling of discomfort

I was taking a walk on my lunch break one afternoon when I saw someone I kind of hoped to never see again, or at least I thought I saw them.

To my surprise in that moment I felt a change in my body, a feeling of discomfort. As I kept walking, I began to think about how much things have the ability to move us.

How secure are we in ourselves that everyday moments don’t greatly impact us?

Are we walking around and carrying this mental practice of only feeling good when certain things are happening?

I think it’s good to really pay attention to how your body physically feels as you go through daily life. Often we end up holding onto little things and carrying them in our bodies which can eventually lead to physical ailments.

So, just pay attention and when stuff comes up find a way to shake it off and not allow it to impact your day.