As much as you might know what you need and even want, doesn’t mean anyone else does.
But sometimes we forget that and we end up feeling frustrated. We end up then wondering why the other person won’t say or do certain things. We take it personally and we get upset.
However, more often than not it could all be sorted with a simple conversation. All you have to do is say what you need and then the other person can either meet that or they can’t. If they can, great but if they can’t it’s then up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. But at least you won’t be left wondering why your needs aren’t being met.
Sometimes the easiest way to boost your mood, shift your perspective brighten your day is to make a conscious choice.
Wake up in the morning and decide that today will be a good day. Decide that you won’t allow the little things to knock your mood.
Perhaps it is easier said than done but it’s worth a try. And you can use tools to such as EFT, meditation or even a solo dance party to aide the mood shift. The practice of shifting your own mood will help you understand that how you feel isn’t as rigid as you thought.
Something really interesting happens when you start spending time alone.
You learn a lot about yourself. You learn what you like to do, how you like to spend your time, what brings you joy, what fulfills you and so much more outside of your relationships with other people.
So often we learn about ourselves in conjunction with other people. ‘My sister and I like to do this, when I’m with my friends I like to do that or my partner and I often do this together’. And it’s not that you don’t enjoy those things or that it’s not the real you but I think it’s important to explore yourself by yourself.
You might discover that there are a whole heap of things that you enjoy doing alone that you never previously had time for because you always prioritised spending time with other people. Or, you might find that you appreciate making time for yourself to spend doing small and simple things like bake, take a walk or read outside in a park.
When you make a commitment to showing up consistently, it can be incredibly challenging on the days when you don’t feel like it.
When you feel low or you feel blue, when you want to take a break and escape from responsibilities just for a little while, it can be difficult not to hide away.
On the days when you feel good, vibrant and full of energy, showing up requires little of you. It’s easy and it’s something you’re in the mood to do.
But I think sometimes we fall into relying too much on how we feel to determine what we do. Of course I wouldn’t advocate for doing things that will make you miserable. However, sometimes the good feeling comes after you begin, like with exercise.
If you rely on feeling good to do it, you’d probably never get it done. And so the best thing you can do is focus on things like being consistent and committed instead
Sometimes we hold back from saying kind words.
We hold back from giving compliments about peoples appearances, actions or how they made us feel.
It’s not out of malice instead it comes from a place of fear.
We end up being worried about things like how our words will be perceived, if we’ll come across too eager and if the person will think we like them romantically when we want to keep things platonic. But a compliment doesn’t need to mean the world, it can simply be said as an observation from your perspective.
Don’t allow your fear of people’s perceptions to stop you saying kind words.
Often we hesiste to take action because we’re waiting on a feeling.
For example, you hesitate to lead, speak up or contribute because you’re waiting on confidence.
And so, you wait and put things off hoping that in time the confidence will come. But the confidence may never come. You don’t become more confident by holding back and shying away, it’s something that comes with practice.
So, instead of waiting on a feeling to take action, take action first and allow the feeling to follow.
If something is bothering you, don’t ignore it. Say it now.
Of course there may be times when you need to process and check in with yourself to ensure you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill but that won’t always be necessary.
Often, the reason we ignore things and don’t speak up in the moment is because we don’t want to rock the boat, we’re afraid of what the outcome will be, we’re worried about coming across as confrontational and sometimes we fear we’ll be dismissed.
It sometimes feels easier to say nothing and push the feeling aside. But then time goes by and that feeling grows and often ends up bothering you more than it did initially.
Putting things off also tends to cause anxiety and tension in your body as you’re quite literally holding onto you’re words.
And when you finally do decide to say something you’re reaction is totally out of proportion.
There’s not much use in putting it off, you might as well just say it now and get it over with.
Where you are right now might not be where you wish you were.
But it’s important to accept it.
You may have a detailed dream life that feels a million miles from you’re current life. And so you focus on the future to distract yourself from your current circumstances.
Perhaps there are feelings of embarrassment, shame, low self-esteem, not feeling good enough or fear associated with where your life is at. By choosing not to accept the present you amplify all those feelings which of course makes you feel worse.
Instead of trying to distance yourself from your current life, try to accept it. It’s okay to not be where you want to be in life.
That doesn’t mean you don’t make an effort to change things and work towards where you want to be. It just means that you don’t bypass the present.
When we have negative experiences associated with certain events we tend to avoid those experiences moving forward. I think that’s a totally normal reaction because of course you don’t want to keep having bad experiences.
However, what can end up happening is that you limit yourself in the future. You avoid things that will help you grow and develop as a person.
Let’s say growing up you had a bad experience with public speaking. You didn’t feel confident, stumbled over your words, forgot what you wanted you say and ended up feeling really embarrassed. Based on that experience you decided that you’d never do public speaking again. You now associate it with feeling uncomfortable and you don’t think it’s something you could ever be good at so you actively avoid it.
It’s gotten to the point that now just the thought of speaking in public is enough to fill you with anxiety.
A whole decade could have passed by yet you’re still deeply impacted by the feelings associated with a past memory.
In this situation, I think the only way to overcome it is to do the thing that scares you. Of course it might not go swimmingly but being embarrassed or forgetting your words isn’t the worst possible thing that could happen you . It’s not good but it could be so much worse. I think changing the way you think about a situation not turning out perfectly is so important.
Focus on just being able to do it and get through it without all the extra pressure of being perfect. Try, try and try again even if it means feeling a bit uncomfortable and being a little awkward.
In time, you go from associating public speaking with being fear and embarrassment to it being a way to express yourself.
Doing this allows you to eventually rewrite the memory associated with that experience.
As we go through life we develop ideas of what freedom would look like or feel like for ourselves. It may come from how you were brought up, the career aspirations you have or maybe just how you feel in particular moments.
If the idea of feeling liberated matters to you then it’s worth while creating a life that aligns with that.
Maybe for you liberation comes from being able to have last minute getaways a few times a year. It could be a day in a new city or a week somewhere far away. What matters is that you have the choice to do it.
It could be that freedom for you comes from being able to speak your mind without worrying about what other people will think.
Or perhaps you feel free when you don’t have to explain yourself to other people, as in you’re free to make choices without having to justify them.
Choosing a life that conflicts with what makes you feel free only leads to frustration. Frustration towards those that have become a barrier to your freedom and frustration towards yourself for ending up in these circumstances.
In all this, one of the most important things to remember is that freedom is a feeling. You might not feel free right now but you can always feel differently tomorrow (or a few months from now once you’ve made some changes in your life).