Short answer: there is no use.
If it doesn’t feel good to feel bad then why not try something else?
It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when things go wrong but ruminating on that feeling isn’t likely to help you improve and get better at whatever you’re working on.
Perhaps asking yourself ‘what could I have done better?’ might be more useful.
Then take whatever is on that list and give them a go one by one until you find something that helps you improve.
I have no doubt that will be much more useful than the previous approach.
They might seem the same but they’re not.
An anxious person will grow to become familiar with the feeling of anxiety and how it manifests in they’re day to day life.
And over time they may find that they knowing doing certain things will trigger there anxiety so they won’t do it.
But not because it’s dangerous or unsafe but because they’re afraid. And the thing with fear is that it’s a feeling and so even when in your mind you know it’s fine your body is sending signals that it’s not.
So just because you know yourself when you’re afraid it’s not the same as knowing yourself because you’re more than your fears.
Chances are there’s so many aspects of you that you’ve not given yourself space to explore.
Also known as complaining about all the things other people have.
‘She’s the same age as me but I’m pretty sure she’s a millionaire (or at least not far from it), she successful, beautiful, has great personal style, has more freedom, more friends and probably more of something else beginning with F, like Fendi perhaps. I definitely can’t afford Fendi.
Her life is so much better than mine.’
What’s the use in making comparisons if it doesn’t feel good or it makes you forget all the good things your life is full of.
How about instead of looking at what other people have, focus on yourself.
You have a challenging and interesting job, you have a few close special friends, you make people laugh, you’re generous, you spend your free time creating and you’re an avid learner.
Sure you don’t have tonnes of money but that’s not what has you feeling discontent because there will always be someone who has things you don’t have.
You feel discontent because you’re playing a losing game whilst trying to convince yourself that you can win.
You feel discontent because you’re not happy with where you’re at and you’re using other people as a distraction from how you feel about yourself.
But maybe you could face those feelings and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel for the better.
There’s a lesson in almost everything.
How much stuff are you holding onto that doesn’t feel good.
Think about who or what you’re following on social media, what are you subscribed to, the contents of your closet or home space.
How does it make you feel?
If it doesn’t feel good, why not?
Furthermore, why are you still holding onto it?
A think a bi-annual (if not seasonal) life cull is a useful way to ensure that you’re only letting the good stuff stay. It’s important to be strict when you cull or else you end up keeping things for no real reason, you have to be honest with yourself about what you actually want or need in your life.
Do you need those slingbacks from 6 years ago that you’ve only worn once?
Do you need to keep following that stranger who is friends with that super hardworking, inspiring and stylish woman (who is also a stranger)?
Or how about that book you know you’ll never read or those old bedsheets that are just taking up space?
If it’s not something you use, know you will use or doesn’t serve any purpose in your life aside from being clutter then there’s not much use holding onto it.
When you’re going on a journey, you can’t take everything with you.
A reaction rooted in anger is one you’re likely to regret.
Anything that builds up has to have a release eventually. And if you’ve tried to release or resolve it to no avail then it’s important that you do find a way.
Bursts of anger and outrage often come unexpectedly and end up being directed at the wrong person.
This is why it’s important to nip things in the bud instead of leaving ‘bad’ feelings to flourish.
But if nipping things in the bud isn’t something you’re comfortable with yet, it’ll be important to know when you need to take a moment because that anger will come up at some point.
I think this is what they call a break through.
Perhaps we should look at situations from a neutral perspective.
The feeling you have towards any situation is not the problem and that is the mistake that is so often made.
We get so carries away by how dreadful it feels and sometimes that can spur us on but other times its just a hindrance. How are you supposed to go out into the world and thrive when you’re caught up in emotions.
Take unemployment for example. If you’re focused on how blah it feels to not have a job then every rejection email will be more likely to feel like a knock physically and mentally. Then before you know it you’ll be declaring that the job market is impossible and that you’re without a hope in the world.
The feeling is not the problem.
If you’re instead focused on the act of applying for jobs and improving your CV you’ll undoubtedly have a very different experience.
And the thing with a job is if there’s only vacancy and 50 people apply even if they’re all perfect applicants 49 people will still ‘lose’.
But that doesn’t make them losers it just means they have to keep playing that game.
I recently found a scrap of paper with a few sentences scrawled on it. I’d forgotten about this particular moment but as I read my words it all came flooding back.
I’d written down some thoughts about a conversation I had with someone over lunch. It was from around 4 years ago which reminded me how quickly things can change because I’m living a totally different life now.
But what really surprised me is how clearly, I could remember that moment.
This is one of the reasons I love to write, I’m able to make notes of things that are meaningful to me and look back on them years later. What’s even better is that I remember how I felt.
As great as photo’s are, they could have never captured this moment the way that words have.