Some things are worth waiting for but sometimes you’re better off just calling it quits and moving on to something else.
Just because you can wait, doesnt mean that you should.
What do you do when you’re speaking and nobody is listening?
Do you speak louder and hope that people start to pay attention, do you give up or do you find another way to overcome being ignored?
Being ignored is difficult. It can hurt your feelings, effect your self-esteem and lead you to feel frustrated.
If you’re already being ignored speaking louder might work but it might just lead to more of the same. Giving up sometimes feels like the best option, especially when you’re tired of trying to be heard. But when you decide to give up, the problem you were trying to speak up about still remains.
And then you have the last option, find another way. This might take more time and more effort but in the end it’ll be worth it. When you find a way to overcome a difficult situation it reminds you of your perseverance and ability to overcome challenges.
Sometimes simply doing something for yourself is considered inconsiderate or even selfish. The idea of helping others is sometimes pushed so far that people expect you to do it at the expense of yourself.
And of course there are those that are willing to give the shirts off their own back but it should be a choice, not something you’ve been guilted into.
People might call you inconsiderate for choosing to prioritise yourself over them and it might hurt your feelings. It might hurt so much that you decide to keep putting other people first. But the other option is to accept that persons opinion and continue doing what is best for you because you matter too.
If something happens and your feelings get hurt or you don’t like the way that someone has treated you, it’s important to do something about it.
It’s easy to get into the habit of sheepishly speaking up then cowering and retreating when the other person shuts you down.
When this happens, the other person learns that they can easily over step your boundary and essentially disrespect you.
And so it continues on and on until you change the way you respond.
You have to back yourself, speak up for the things you’re not okay with and make it clear that you aren’t willing to accept certain things.
It may sound simple for some but for others the idea that they don’t have to just accept being treated poorly is kinda revolutionary.
If you get someone used to treating you a certain way or acting in a particular way towards you, the person will come to expect you to allow it.
Sometimes you allow things that you aren’t okay with because you don’t want to rock the boat, hurt the persons feelings or you’ve told yourself that being clear about what you’re not okay with is confrontational. And so instead of saying, ‘I’m not okay with you doing that’ you say, ‘No worries’ or ‘It’s okay’.
Doing this teaches the other person that you’re okay with what they’re doing. We often fall into the idealism of thinking people will automatically know what we’re thinking or feeling but it’s not true. We shouldn’t expect people to read our minds when we can use our voices.
I’m not sure who said it but there’s a quote or perhaps a tweet that goes something like ‘You have to teach people how to treat you’. Yet, we’re taught to almost just accept how we’re treated as long as a person doesn’t have bad intentions.
I find that the relationships where I am very clear, where I call things out instead of letting them slide, are the ones that I feel most comfortable in. When you put pressure on yourself to always be fine with everything even when you’re not it builds up feelings of resentment, anger or frustration and that energy has to go somewhere.
It either leads to an outburst towards the person you should have been clear with from the start or an outburst at someone totally unrelated to the situation.
You know the feeling you get when you read something that resonates. You feel seen, you feel heard and you feel connected, often to a complete stranger.
But this person was able to form something that encapsulates a feeling or a moment from your life. It can often serve as a reminder that we’re not so different or as separate from each other as we sometimes end up believing.
If you can be moved by words written 200 years ago then our problems, challenges and experiences aren’t so unique to us, there are plenty of other people that know what it’s like. In my teenage years I liked to beelive that somehow the author knew that I’d need to read their words, almost as if they wrote them just for me. Of course that wasn’t the case but it was a nice thought at the time.
I’ve held on to that idea but allowed it to evolve a little. As someone who writes and shares their words, I never write with a particular person in mind but I know that people are often drawn to read about things they can relate to.
I’ve read great words that have moved me and so I hope to do the same. I guess it’s sort of like taking one and passing it on.
‘I wrote this for you because of what they wrote for me.’
And sometimes you realise that you’ve changed. Maybe few years ago or even just last year you’d have said nothing, said it was fine and pushed how you felt aside. You may have been upset, hurt or just frustrated but you were too afraid to show it for fear of your feelings being invalidated.
But now you’re different, you’re not waiting for someone else and you’re not relying on validation. It probably feels empowering because after all this time you’re finally using your voice and speaking your mind.
For everyone else in your life, this may come as a shock because they’re so used to you hiding away and being okay with everything. The shock of others can be enough for some to revert to their old ways, especially if there is a fear of losing people. However, speaking your mind is important, you don’t need to be in a constant state of ‘good’, ‘fine’, ‘not too bad’ or ‘alright’.
Maybe you’re not alright and of course you’ll feel better later but why not honour how you feel in the moment and express it.
As much as you might know what you need and even want, doesn’t mean anyone else does.
But sometimes we forget that and we end up feeling frustrated. We end up then wondering why the other person won’t say or do certain things. We take it personally and we get upset.
However, more often than not it could all be sorted with a simple conversation. All you have to do is say what you need and then the other person can either meet that or they can’t. If they can, great but if they can’t it’s then up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. But at least you won’t be left wondering why your needs aren’t being met.
Sometimes the easiest way to boost your mood, shift your perspective brighten your day is to make a conscious choice.
Wake up in the morning and decide that today will be a good day. Decide that you won’t allow the little things to knock your mood.
Perhaps it is easier said than done but it’s worth a try. And you can use tools to such as EFT, meditation or even a solo dance party to aide the mood shift. The practice of shifting your own mood will help you understand that how you feel isn’t as rigid as you thought.
Something really interesting happens when you start spending time alone.
You learn a lot about yourself. You learn what you like to do, how you like to spend your time, what brings you joy, what fulfills you and so much more outside of your relationships with other people.
So often we learn about ourselves in conjunction with other people. ‘My sister and I like to do this, when I’m with my friends I like to do that or my partner and I often do this together’. And it’s not that you don’t enjoy those things or that it’s not the real you but I think it’s important to explore yourself by yourself.
You might discover that there are a whole heap of things that you enjoy doing alone that you never previously had time for because you always prioritised spending time with other people. Or, you might find that you appreciate making time for yourself to spend doing small and simple things like bake, take a walk or read outside in a park.
When you make a commitment to showing up consistently, it can be incredibly challenging on the days when you don’t feel like it.
When you feel low or you feel blue, when you want to take a break and escape from responsibilities just for a little while, it can be difficult not to hide away.
On the days when you feel good, vibrant and full of energy, showing up requires little of you. It’s easy and it’s something you’re in the mood to do.
But I think sometimes we fall into relying too much on how we feel to determine what we do. Of course I wouldn’t advocate for doing things that will make you miserable. However, sometimes the good feeling comes after you begin, like with exercise.
If you rely on feeling good to do it, you’d probably never get it done. And so the best thing you can do is focus on things like being consistent and committed instead