When you interact with someone that is in a bad mood or is angry you might find at the end of it that you feel bad too.
That’s what happens when you take on other peoples stuff.
It might seem that when someone directs anger and frustration towards you that you have to take it because what else can you do. But you always have options.
If someone asked you if you wanted to feel bad I’m certain the answer would be no. You have to keep that decisiveness when interacting with someone that’s angry.
When you learn to do that you’re not so effected by how the other person feels because that’s not your stuff and you don’t need to take it on.
I recently discovered a new podcast and listening to it brings me joy.
I find myself often relating to the conversations they have or smiling/laughing.
It’s so useful to fill your life with little things that bring you joy that you have easy access to.
Something extravagant like a week in the Maldives isn’t accessible to you on a regular basis.
You have to think small-scale.
A useful exercise is either throughout or at the end of the day write down all the things you did that brought you joy, then make a vow to do those things more.
It could be meditation, morning gratitude, getting a coffee in the kitchen with your work pal, listening to a particular song or podcast, reading a book, putting on a face mask, saying good morning to strangers on your way to the bus stop or train station or even going for a walk.
As humans we have a tendency to over complicate things but often it’s as simple as, whatever makes you feel good, do more of it.
There must be some explanation for why we do it.
When you don’t want to do something or you know it won’t be easy, putting it off feels good. There’s pleasure in indulging in the freedom of future deadlines, future work or future responsibilities.
But that doesn’t mean that you can avoid them forever. That pleasurable feeling of freedom and not doing what you “posed to do” can’t last. You see the thing is whether you do it now or later you still have to get it done.
Instead of indulging in procrastination pleasure followed by an intense stressful period, choose to indulge in productivity pleasure and give yourself as much time as you can in order to do things well.
Sure pressure creates diamonds but constantly putting yourself through stress when you don’t need to could result in insomnia, chest pain and diarrhoea.
You might be used to doing things one way but that’s no reason not to try something new.
Short answer: there is no use.
If it doesn’t feel good to feel bad then why not try something else?
It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when things go wrong but ruminating on that feeling isn’t likely to help you improve and get better at whatever you’re working on.
Perhaps asking yourself ‘what could I have done better?’ might be more useful.
Then take whatever is on that list and give them a go one by one until you find something that helps you improve.
I have no doubt that will be much more useful than the previous approach.
They might seem the same but they’re not.
An anxious person will grow to become familiar with the feeling of anxiety and how it manifests in they’re day to day life.
And over time they may find that they knowing doing certain things will trigger there anxiety so they won’t do it.
But not because it’s dangerous or unsafe but because they’re afraid. And the thing with fear is that it’s a feeling and so even when in your mind you know it’s fine your body is sending signals that it’s not.
So just because you know yourself when you’re afraid it’s not the same as knowing yourself because you’re more than your fears.
Chances are there’s so many aspects of you that you’ve not given yourself space to explore.
Also known as complaining about all the things other people have.
‘She’s the same age as me but I’m pretty sure she’s a millionaire (or at least not far from it), she successful, beautiful, has great personal style, has more freedom, more friends and probably more of something else beginning with F, like Fendi perhaps. I definitely can’t afford Fendi.
Her life is so much better than mine.’
What’s the use in making comparisons if it doesn’t feel good or it makes you forget all the good things your life is full of.
How about instead of looking at what other people have, focus on yourself.
You have a challenging and interesting job, you have a few close special friends, you make people laugh, you’re generous, you spend your free time creating and you’re an avid learner.
Sure you don’t have tonnes of money but that’s not what has you feeling discontent because there will always be someone who has things you don’t have.
You feel discontent because you’re playing a losing game whilst trying to convince yourself that you can win.
You feel discontent because you’re not happy with where you’re at and you’re using other people as a distraction from how you feel about yourself.
But maybe you could face those feelings and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel for the better.
There’s a lesson in almost everything.
How much stuff are you holding onto that doesn’t feel good.
Think about who or what you’re following on social media, what are you subscribed to, the contents of your closet or home space.
How does it make you feel?
If it doesn’t feel good, why not?
Furthermore, why are you still holding onto it?
A think a bi-annual (if not seasonal) life cull is a useful way to ensure that you’re only letting the good stuff stay. It’s important to be strict when you cull or else you end up keeping things for no real reason, you have to be honest with yourself about what you actually want or need in your life.
Do you need those slingbacks from 6 years ago that you’ve only worn once?
Do you need to keep following that stranger who is friends with that super hardworking, inspiring and stylish woman (who is also a stranger)?
Or how about that book you know you’ll never read or those old bedsheets that are just taking up space?
If it’s not something you use, know you will use or doesn’t serve any purpose in your life aside from being clutter then there’s not much use holding onto it.
When you’re going on a journey, you can’t take everything with you.