It’s easy to talk about things that are easy.
But when it comes to comes to feelings, wants and needs, things often get a little more challenging.
Often problems will arise, simply because you didn’t speak up and let the other person know how you felt or what you needed. When you hold things in, they rarely go away, they just build up over time.
So, maybe 6 months later when you feel angry and frustrated towards someone you won’t even consider that maybe things could have turned out differently, if only you had said ‘I want you to make more of an effort’ instead of keeping quiet.
Granted people won’t always meet your needs, even if you desperately want them too.
But you’re better off speaking up and giving the other person a chance, than just holding things in and ending up disappointed that people can’t read your mind.
When someone comes to you, asking some thing of you, how do you respond?
Do you simply think about whether or not you want to do it?
Do you worry about how the other person will react if you say no?
So often we grow up inadvertently being taught to people please and unless we later unlearn it, it stays with us.
Then you find yourself saying yes to something you don’t want to do because you’re worried about hurting someones feelings, to the point where you place that above doing what feels right for you.
If that’s something you can relate to, you might want to start learning to say no.
It gets easier over time, practice makes perfect after all.
Instead of questioning whether or not you should be maximizing your productivity at this time, it might be more useful to check in with how you feel.
If you spend 3 weeks watching netflix, how will you feel?
If you spend 3 weeks working yourself to the bone, how will you feel?
Chances are you won’t feel great doing either.
As much as it is good to rest you’ll also feel good doing things. Whether that is one task a day like reading x chapters of a book, decluttering a room in your house or starting an online course.
But you don’t need to compete or try and milk this time for all it’s worth. It’s healthy to rest and it’s healthy to do things. You just need to figure out what works for you and go with it.
It’s easy to be grateful when things are going your way.
But when times are uncertain and life has thrown a spanner in the works gratitude often becomes a little more challenging.
Suddenly the most prominent things are the bad stuff and you’re not thankful for your life being turned upside down.
In these times it’s even more important to practice gratitude.
The real benefits of the practice come when you’re able to make it a part of your lifestyle, independent of your circumstances.
And so maybe it used to be I’m grateful for getting to be apart of this exciting project or some other major thing that you feel like shouting from the rooftops. But now it’s more like I’m grateful for these cosy socks, the flowers in my garden and running water.
After doing anything that took courage or experiencing something that caused some discomfort, you’re likely to have to deal with the aftermath.
It could be how you feel about yourself or how you feel about others.
Maybe you decided to break the ice and have a conversation you’ve been putting off for months. If that’s what you decide, once the talk is over a weight will be lifted.
There are endless possibilities of what the aftermath might be. For the example mentioned above it could be confidence, patience, understanding or just frustration.
The aftermath is unavoidable and sometimes it’s so small that you aren’t even aware of it.
But it’s important to remember Newtons third law of motion ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.’
When you interact with someone that is in a bad mood or is angry you might find at the end of it that you feel bad too.
That’s what happens when you take on other peoples stuff.
It might seem that when someone directs anger and frustration towards you that you have to take it because what else can you do. But you always have options.
If someone asked you if you wanted to feel bad I’m certain the answer would be no. You have to keep that decisiveness when interacting with someone that’s angry.
When you learn to do that you’re not so effected by how the other person feels because that’s not your stuff and you don’t need to take it on.
I recently discovered a new podcast and listening to it brings me joy.
I find myself often relating to the conversations they have or smiling/laughing.
It’s so useful to fill your life with little things that bring you joy that you have easy access to.
Something extravagant like a week in the Maldives isn’t accessible to you on a regular basis.
You have to think small-scale.
A useful exercise is either throughout or at the end of the day write down all the things you did that brought you joy, then make a vow to do those things more.
It could be meditation, morning gratitude, getting a coffee in the kitchen with your work pal, listening to a particular song or podcast, reading a book, putting on a face mask, saying good morning to strangers on your way to the bus stop or train station or even going for a walk.
As humans we have a tendency to over complicate things but often it’s as simple as, whatever makes you feel good, do more of it.