It’s easy to make excuses for why things didn’t work out.
But often the reason is simply because you didn’t believe it was possible.
When you have self belief you approach life differently.
You walk with your head held high, you don’t second guess yourself and your actions flow.
When you don’t have self belief, you struggle to make decisions with certainty, your confidence is low and and you’re less likely to think the life you want can become a reality.
And so when it comes to making things happen self belief is essential.
Sometimes when there’s something you want to say the easiest way to bring it up is to wait for a ‘cue’.
My dictionary defines a cue as ‘An action or event that is a signal for somebody to do something’.
In this case the thing to do is bring up a topic that is difficult to speak about or difficult to for people to listen.
However, the problem with waiting for a cue is that sometimes other people will not consider your approach genuine. But furthermore, it stirs up the question of why you’re unable to bring the topic up on your own.
Why do you have to wait for a cue?
Perhaps because you’re not ready to admit how much the topic matters or maybe you just don’t dont have the confidence yet.
It might not be easy the first time but get used to talking about what matters, you don’t need to wait for a cue.
So often we rely on being confident before we do something without knowing how we’ll get there or how it will feel.
But when it comes to overcoming a lack of confidence, it only takes a willingness to be outside of your comfort zone long enough to get more comfortable.
One day you’ll have the confidence to do whatever it is without the nerves. Then, maybe after a few months you’ll find yourself volunteering to do the thing that once scared you.
That was the prompt in a self-help book I read around 6 or 7 years ago.
It was followed by questions like:
- How would you behave?
- How would your relationships change?
- What would it allow you to do?
I think it’s a helpful set of words to get you thinking about how you might be limiting yourself.
As human beings we often fall into thinking that we have to wait until we’re confident to live our lives the way we want. But actually it’s the other way round.
You have to start living your life first and then the confidence will follow.
People that think they’re outsiders act like outsiders.
The idea of being an outsider is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, something that is brought into existence rather than being totally true in the first place.
When the thought comes into your mind, as soon as you hold onto it and allow it to become a part of how you identify yourself you’ll subconsciously work to make it true.
Being an outsider is associated with being fringe, being different but sometimes even unique or original.
It can have both positive and negative connotations.
As soon as you start to think you’re different and ‘not like them’. You’ll start to separate yourself, exclude yourself even. Often that is what makes a person become an outsider.
The reality is, groups of people come together that are very different all the time.
When taking a risk pays off, it’s easy to get caught up in the fact that things turned out the way you wanted.
But I think it’s important to also focus on the reason behind taking the risk in the first place.
You did it because you believed it was worth it, you knew it would get you a step closer to where you want to be, you wanted to push yourself and try something new or you had the confidence that it would work out.
Sometimes the reason behind the risk is more important than the outcome.
When was the last time you checked in with your dream life.
As in checked to see if you’re moving any closer to the things you want or say you want from life.
More importantly, do you know what you need to do in order to get there?
It could be learning a skill, saving money or building your confidence.
If you’re not making the effort to do what needs to be done then you can’t be disappointed when things don’t magically fall into place.
Something that I believe to be a dream life misconception is that things will happen by themselves. As though you’ll be going about your usual routine and someone will appear ready to change your life. Sure that’s what happened to Cinderella but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you too.
Do you remember when you were your most confident self?
Common advice in challenging situations when we’re afraid is to ask ‘what would [insert name of inspirational person] do?’
I think that’s a really helpful tool but it can also just emphasise the gap between where you’re at and where you want to be instead of bridging it.
So, what if you consult your past self at peak confidence instead. If you were confidence once you can be confident again.
When you find yourself facing a challenge think of a time you were confident or did something difficult in the past. Close your eyes, visualise it, feel that feeling and keep it with you for when you need it.
Maybe it’s the memory of the solo you did in a school play that you can apply to leading your first client meeting.
When you’re caught in fear or your confidence is low it can be easy to forget that you once felt otherwise and that it’s possible to overcome that thing that scares you and feel confident again.
A few months ago I had an idea for my book and I planned to spend my summer writing in-between picnics, parties and Prosecco.
But summer came, summer went and nothing ever came of that book idea. Infact, I don’t even remember the idea that I had.
But then a few days ago I had another idea and I thought about how great it was that I have ideas in abundance.
And perhaps this current book idea will just become a series of blog posts but it could also become my bestselling debut.
Either way this situation of forgetting a good idea and quite seamlessly moving on to something else I’m just as happy with has served as important reminder.
First of all to follow through with my ideas but also that I’m full of them and I want to share them.
It can be difficult to admit that because it feels a bit showy to put yourself out there but it’s also necessary.
I think the problem many people face is the feeling of overwhelm when the compare where they are with where they want to be.
Instead of focusing on what they can do from where they’re currently at they focus on the gap.
And sometimes that gap is vast.
But like I said at the start it’s just a matter of practice. And that might be to practice voicing your thoughts in a group setting when someone asks of anyone has any points they want to add.
Practice going to events alone and making an effort to talk to strangers despite the discomfort or nerves.
Pick what you want to work on and see how it goes. It might be challenging the first time but don’t be put off because we all know that practice makes perfect and if not perfect it makes you better than you were yesterday.