Some people will never truly hear you when you speak no matter how hard you try.
In those circumstances the solution is never to try harder.
You might think that the harder you try they’ll eventually come around and hear you out. But the thing is some people aren’t interested in being wrong.
Some people aren’t interested in hearing a perspective that contradicts their own.
And even if they realise that they were wrong and the information you shared had changed their mind, they’re more likely to dismiss that.
When a person is more interested in being right than being open to new information, it might be a waste of time trying to get them to listen.
I think it’s fair to say that more often than not, a daily blog is for the writer.
The reason behind this is almost nobody reads a daily blog every single day.
There are occasional readers and regular readers but it’s rare to find someone who doesn’t miss a post.
Posting so often allows me to not put so much pressure on each thing I share, it also forces me to challenge myself.
I have posts that have never been read, perhaps the title wasn’t interesting enough or maybe you just weren’t interested. But from a totally different perspective, I posted another day and kept up my writing practice.
That matters to me more than trying to please the reader.
In you life you might find that there are people who will create a false sense of urgency. They’ll give you something to do and give you a deadline like ‘as soon as possible’.
So, you put your blinders on because it’s urgent and you don’t want to contribute to something being finished late.
But when you let the other person know you’re done and they appear nonchalant, that’s when you realise the urgency was fake.
Perhaps they couldn’t trust you’d do it within a suitable time without the extra pressure.
Whatever the case it’s important to not allow yourself to get swept up in it all.
As soon as possible might really mean by the end of the day, not right now.
One of the biggest reasons to open up is that it helps you realise that you aren’t alone.
So often we live our lives as if we are the only one who has faced a difficulty, felt lonely, been rejected, felt lost or was unhappy with the way they looked. We end up holding it in because we think we’re alone or perhaps we don’t want to burden others with our troubles.
I’ve taught myself to open up more. It was a mix of practice, knowing who to trust and letting go of fear.
And so when I encourage you to do the same, it’s not because I find it easy. It’s because I’ve done it and it worked wonders.
Everybody daydreams whether it’s a few seconds or dedicated moments in your week. Sometimes we daydream about everyday thing then other times our minds wander to things far out of reach.
It could be something like winning an award, moving to a new city or even meeting the love of your life.
But what do you do when that thing you used to dream about has now become your reality. One of the first things that might come up is a sense of familiarity because your mind has experienced it before.
However, what you might also find is that you’re not ready or prepared for your daydreams to become your reality. For example, let’s say you spent months daydreaming about moving to a new city. When the opportunity comes up instead of jumping at the chance you might end up passing it up because ‘now is not the right time’.
That might mean you never wanted it in the first place or maybe you’re just afraid of change.
Language is pretty important. What we say and the words we choose to use can be impacted by how we choose the world or even change how we see the world.
An example of this that I practice is not referring to things as bad or negative. Instead I’ll use words like unexpected, interesting, challenging, growth points and so on.
Something unexpected is just something you didn’t plan for, something interesting is something that has caught your attention, something challenging is something that can be overcome and a growth point is something you learn from.
Choosing to see things that way in my experience is much more beneficial.
Let’s say you apply for a job and don’t get it. In my experience viewing the unideal outcome as bad just gives the inner monologue a chance to run wild and after a few minutes you’ll find yourself thinking that you’re world is over.
But on the other hand if you view the rejection as a growth point you might realise that you didn’t really want the job, you could have filled out your application better or perhaps you just learn the lesson that not everything you want was meant to be.
Privilege is a complex thing.
I think the reason that so many people have a hard time accepting their privilege is because they feel like it negates their hard work. They’re not comfortable with the realisation that if it wasn’t for certain things about them, they would have experienced life very differently. More often than not having more hurdles to overcome.
Privilege comes in many forms: financial, gender, race, sexuality and religion for a start but there is so much more.
And so if you come under the categories of Middle class, Male, White, Straight and Christian their is evidence to show that you face less barriers. Furthermore, the categories you fit into don’t disadvantage you, for the most part.
It can be challenging for people that feel like they have worked hard to be told that they’re privileged. They’re often the ones that believe in meritocracy and feel like anyone who can’t achieve the same as them must not be working hard enough.
Ironically, it’s often that everyone else has had to work harder.
I think the easiest way to understand this whole thing of privilege is to meet more people that are not like you. That way you actually get to see the what it’s like for other people.
Whether that is not continuing education because they can’t afford it, worrying that their natural hair will be a barrier to employment or even constantly having negative assumptions thrown at them because of your religions beliefs.
The point of all this is not for you to feel bad, the point is to gain understanding and awareness.
Your privilege doesn’t negate your hard work but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Most of us have at some point looked back on our life and perhaps not wished but thought about what would have happened if we took a different path.
If you applied for that job in another city.
If you moved out of your family home sooner or maybe done it later.
If you started that project when you first had the idea instead of sitting on it for months.
If you didn’t settle for what the people around you told you to do for a career.
If you hadn’t been willing to accept so little from the people around you.
When you’re not happy with where you’re at, looking back on the choices you’ve made will rarely make you happier. But you do it because you feel like it’s too late to start over.
It might not be true but that’s how it often feels.
When you’ve set yourself up on a particular path, starting over and changing the course of your life feels too risky. It feels like all that came before was time wasted.
But if you want to give yourself the opportunity to be happier and more fulfilled, then perhaps starting over might be one of the best things you can do for yourself.
I was recently asked about whether I write for myself or for readers.
It’s something I think about every now and then but it was interesting to be asked.
On one hand I write for myself because I love it but on the other hand I write for my readers too.
I’m thoughtful about what I share and my intention is to always add value in some way.
I don’t expect anyone to read every single post I write but for the posts you do read I’d like it to feel like time well spent.
Whether it’s 100 words on friendship, career development or overcoming fear, I do my best to add some kind of takeaway.
When you feel low or sad about something it can be difficult to know what t do with the feeling. After all you don’t want to feel it, you’d much rather the sadness just left you alone.
But the thing with difficult feelings and feelings in general is that they don’t leave if you don’t allow yourself to feel them.
And then there is the question of how do you feel your feelings.
I don’t think there is a set answer of how but I’ll share what works for me.
Writing is incredibly therapeutic, I do it everyday.
Writing allows you to explore yourself freely and can be used as a tool to express how you feel. If you’re feeling hurt you can write about it. But you can also ask yourself questions like ‘why does this bother me?’ or ‘what would make me feel better right now?’ and then write until you have some kind of answer or at least until your mood has shifted.