The feeling of fitting in

When we’re focused on how we appear to others, we can end up doing things that we don’t actually enjoy.

We become so focused on perception that we don’t even consider the importance of prioritising ourselves. It’s worth acknowledging that sometimes we have a need to feel accepted. When your self esteem is low it’s easy to fall into thinking that just being you isn’t enough.

However, the problem is that the feeling of fitting in and being accepted will only ever be temporary when you aren’t truly being yourself.

How do you view you?

For many people, how they value themselves comes from other people.

This can be great when people are treating you well but when not so much when you’re treated poorly. You go from feeling good about yourself to not feeling good enough and because you’ve become reliant on other people to determine your value.

It may even get to the point where you almost feel lost and are unable to truly establish how you feel about yourself without it coming from other people. And so, you feel down and worthless whilst also blaming other people for how you feel.

I think that stage of blaming others continues until you’re able to realise that nobody else should be in control of how you feel about yourself. That’s not a solid foundation.

Not being good enough

I used to be the kind of person that would internalise everything.

For example, if I didn’t get the job I applied for it was because I wasn’t good enough and not that they had 7 excellent candidates and only one role to fill so not everyone could be a winner.

I could give countless other examples but me internalising those experiences all came from the same place, this feeling of not being good enough. It’s a strange realisation when you start to understand that the way you see yourself contributes to the way you experience life.

Once I started working on how I saw myself, my entire outlook on life changed.

I recently had this experience where someone was intentionally inconsiderate. In the past I’d have kept quiet, felt bad, got upset and allowed that one moment to ruin the rest of my day.

Instead, I responded by simply asking why this person chose to be inconsiderate.

I understand why some people might up being that way but it doesn’t mean they can’t change, if they want to.