Bravery and uncontrollable outcomes

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about risk, personal growth and trying new things.

When you do something that challenged you it’s only normal that you would want the risk to pay off.

And when things work out it’s great. You feel good inside because you were brave and it payed off. You’ll probably do that thing again because the good outcome taught you that there was nothing to be afraid of.

But what about when the outcome is not what you wanted. You muster the courage to speak up in the meeting and your points are dismissed.

What do you do?

Do you speak again?

The part of the brain that deals with fear and survival will set off the safety alarm and maybe even go into shut down mode.

When you do something and it doesn’t work, it’s not considered a ‘safe’ option which is why you often end up retreating.

But what I’ve learnt is that the act of being brave is where the focus should be. When you place too much importance on the outcome you don’t acknowledge what it took to do the thing you were afraid of in the first place.

Things can’t work out the way you want all the time, perfection is a falsehood.

That is so funny (but it wasn’t five years ago)

The art of learning to laugh, at yourself.

Imagine you’re at a comedy show and the comedian is making a joke about someone in the crowd, you’d probably laugh along with everyone else (granted it was funny).

But what if the joke was on you, would you squirm or would you laugh.

So often many of us are unable to find the humour in our lives. It was something I used to struggle with but I’ve found that life is a lot smoother when you’re not so serious.

Even the other day I found myself laughing at something in my life that I’d have been really serious and furrow browed about 5 years ago.

And I could choose to remain furrow browed but it’s not as fun. I don’t think life should be taken so seriously to the point where you’re wound up like a super tight spirally thing.

I’ve tried it and it was terrible. That’s why I had to find another way.

If your skeptical, try it once and see how it feels.

Plus laughing releases endorphins, the brain chemical that makes you feel good.

You can’t bypass the brunt

I’ve learnt a lot by simply looking at my own behaviour and assessing what does and doesn’t work.

That’s a large part of what I write and something that begins as why do I always xyz turns into me learning about a psychological theory, brain stuff and people stuff.

Recently I’ve been learning through practical experience that when you have an issue you can’t bypass the main bit of it, the brunt of it.

It’s one of those things that I know but at times still try to ignore which results in un-ideal circumstances.

Which is just a reminder that what you resists persists, you can’t bypass the brunt.

Survival mode and everyday life

I recently tried something new and the outcome was not what I had anticipated it would be.

In these kinds of situations our minds will start to tell stories of why we should stick with what we know and the dangers of exploring outside of that.

You might be in a mental space where you can get past that but if not I have a useful reminder.

The part of your brain that is telling you to stay safe and stick with what you know is coming from a place of survival mode. But you don’t need to apply a survival mode mentality to things like voicing your opinion, being rejected or having your first Unagi roll.

New things are good for us, they help us develop and expand which in turn allows us to get more out of this human experience.

Why you shouldn’t focus on what you don’t want

In a book a read a while back it explained why we should focus on what we do want instead of what we don’t want.

It gave the example of someone telling you not to think of a purple elephant and how despite being told not to that is exactly where the mind wanders. That simple example is the same for our wants and goals. It’s the reason why the focus should be on the things that we actually wan’t.

When you spend time focusing on what you don’t wan’t your mind will give energy to those things. Your mind will visualise and think about these things which will only amplify them in your physical reality.

 

Your personal filing system

I’m a big believer in self-help and mind management, mostly based on my own experiences of how I’ve learnt and implemented things into my life that have transformed it.

I was recently talking ‘minds stuff’ with someone and I used my favourite analogy of going through the filing cabinets of your mind.

It’s like we all have our own personal filing systems that have a log of all our experiences and thoughts and sometimes it’s a mess.

It’s not always easy to manage more cabinets of information than you can counts on your fingers and toes.

When you take a wander down the hallways of your mind  and flick through the files of information, you’ll often end up coming across things you forgotten even existed

The time when you and your sister played outside your childhood home on the pink barbie scooter or the book on insects you used to read as a kid that terrified you because it had illustrations of cockroaches about 100 times bigger than they are in real life.