Sonder, struggles and stuff

We’re all just doing our best which is something that we often forget and it might be the reason why we’re often so quick to judge others.

We so easily get caught up in our own world, our own challenges, experiences and struggles that we don’t consider everyone else is going through things too.

You might be struggling with anxiety but someone else may have financial issues and be struggling to pay their bills. People don’t often share what they’re going through (especially not with strangers) so all we know is our own personal stuff that we’re carrying around with us.

But, I think it would be naive to say let’s all share our struggles and challenges.

However, when you’re going through things I think it’s important to remember that everyone else goes through things too.

Not as a way to invalidate your own experiences but to help you realise that it’s totally normal to have challenges and difficult experiences in life.

And once you truly realise that for yourself, extend that to everyone you meet.

What it means to be a good person

Let’s start with the letter S for self sacrifice.

When you live your life trying to be a good person you’ll find yourself pulled in every which way.

Often what people judge a persons goodness by is how much you do for them.

And in a bid to keep the title of the most good of all. You might find yourself bending, doing the most and going above and beyond to please people.

But as much as it’s great to go above and beyond (for the things that matter), it’s impossible to please everyone. It’s a losing game.

So it might be much more useful to focus on being generous, kind and thoughtful but don’t do it for other people. Do it for you because it feels good and maybe because you’ve decided that that’s the kind of person you want to be.

Don’t be so quick to judge

You can meet or come across someone and immediately assume this persons whole life.

Then from the minute they open they’re mouth you’re deciding whether or not what they say aligns with or contradicts your initial assumptions but you’re still not giving the person a chance.

But then life sets things up in a way that forces you to wipe your slate of assumptions clean and actually get to know this person for who they are instead of you just making things up.

And so you realise that this person is kind and interesting along with some other great adjectives.

But even more importantly you realise that you were too quick to judge and that the more useful thing to do would be to actually get to know the person face to face rather than make assumptions from afar.

From the outside

Appearances are everything or at least that’s how it often appears.

The woman with a good education, working a great job at a high profile company.

The guy that everyone goes to for advice because he’s warm, kind and always says what you need to hear (not just what you want to hear).

From the outside they seem to have it together. She lives a stable life and is on the road to a successful career with lots of opportunities. She’s earning enough money to buy a property and take regular holidays. She works hard in a field that is highly regarded.

He always makes time for people and he never really seems to go through anything major. He’s an important part of so many peoples. He’s loved, trustworthy and generous.

But she’s unfulfilled, her life looks great from the outside but isn’t happy with how her life has turned out.

But he’s overwhelmed being who he is to so many people and now he’s scared to make time for himself because he doesn’t want to let anyone down.

From the outside they appear to be living great lives but from the inside they both have their own struggles.

Just a reminder that looks can be deceiving and that you never really know what someone else is going through, no matter how great their life appears to be.