Some people enjoy arguing.
They love it, it fuels them and they will seek it out.
They’re rarely interested in understanding other people or sharing what they know instead they want to dominate and they want to be right.
You may find yourself often getting drawn in but by then it’s too late, you’ve gotten swept up in it all. All of sudden you’re passionately explaining your point of view hoping the other person will take it in enough to agree to disagree and move on.
But the other person tells you no, they tell you you’re wrong and they try to invalidate your opinion by saying you don’t understand.
And in these kinds of situations when you’re being baited in order for the dialogue to continue it’s easy to get riled up. It’s easy to try to get the other person to accept that it’s okay to see things differently. More often than not your efforts are to no avail.
And so the growth point is in choosing to not engage even if you think this time might be different.
The exchanges are rarely helpful and you just end up leaving them frustrated wishing you didn’t once again get drawn in.
At 17 I came up with a concept called ‘the exchange principle’. The idea behind it was that we often get alternative versions of what we want or what we think we want.
For example, you’re hoping to bump into person A but you see person B instead and when that happens despite it not being what you wanted initially it’s a great exchange.
As someone who sometimes really wants specific things the exchange principle has taught me that it’s okay to be open to more than one option.
Also the principle is not about not getting what you want or ever being disappointed with the outcome, but it helps me to focus on perspective and reminds me that things can turn out 101 different ways and still be okay.
Some people would perhaps call it a manifestation blip as in I’m not being clear about what I want which I suppose is a little humorous but I prefer the exchange principle so much more.
This concept was one I came up with around 5 years ago. It’s the idea that things have a way of balancing themselves out, with no effort.
For example, the thing that you put all your efforts into doesn’t work out but you don’t end up with nothing. It’s like the universe gives you exchange and you end up with something else instead.
The best part is, it’s often something better or something you hadn’t even considered.