It’s hard to balance tense and triggered aspects of self with the softer more malleable bits.
My anxiety makes me tense and rigid but it also deeply influences the way I write. But my softer more malleable side deeply influences my writing too.
It is often through writing that my anxieties subside and I am able to go with the flow, follow the words and not worry about the order or things making perfect sense but to instead stay inflow allowing the words to pour.
To be able to follow the flow no matter how brief or specific is something worth cherishing. When you’re tense and rigid or feeling overwhelmed by life it seems impossible that there’s any other way, but there is.
The flow is always there whether you choose that path or not. You can go back to it at any point because the moment you realise that what you’re doing isn’t working or should be different is the moment the solution becomes available.
On learning to see things more clearly.
In situations where your perspective is hazy you might need someone to polish your glasses.
Not in the literal sense but in the form of sharing words, interacting and connecting.
When you’re so used to your own way of thinking you might find that you’ve become rigid and closed minded.
And unless you make a conscious effort to open your mind, your way of seeing things is not likely to change.
That’s why it’ll take someone else to shift your way of seeing things. Someone that’ll come into your life with polish and one one of those microfiber dust free cloths to give your glasses a little polish.
And it’ll rarely be explicit instead it’ll be so subtle that you don’t notice until it’s already done.
I think that’s the purpose some people serve in our lives. They could be in your life for multiple years or a mere moment but they spark change.
And sometimes the best thing is to say nothing at all.
Because if someone isn’t willing to listen but is willing to argue and disagree you’re probably wasting your time and energy.
But other times the reason to say nothing is because you can’t quite find the words. You’re talking in phrases, stumbling over words and not quite making sense.
Maybe you need a moment of rest, a moment to not speak (or write) or make a grand statement about what you’ve discovered about life.
I’m in the mood to say nothing today but since I committed to saying something daily this is all I have to offer.
Some days are easier than others.
I have days when the words pour out with such ease that it can be hard to keep up. But I also have days when I’ll open my laptop to write and after 30 minutes I’ve gone back and forth on the same few sentences and I have a total of 23 words on the page.
But by posting daily I can’t rely on the days when it’s easy to write because those moments don’t come 7 days a week.
Instead I’ve taught myself to work through the days when the words don’t come as easy and still end up with something I’m happy to share.
I find that once I’m willing to try and write the ‘block’ eventually dissolves and out pour the words.
I recently found a scrap of paper with a few sentences scrawled on it. I’d forgotten about this particular moment but as I read my words it all came flooding back.
I’d written down some thoughts about a conversation I had with someone over lunch. It was from around 4 years ago which reminded me how quickly things can change because I’m living a totally different life now.
But what really surprised me is how clearly, I could remember that moment.
This is one of the reasons I love to write, I’m able to make notes of things that are meaningful to me and look back on them years later. What’s even better is that I remember how I felt.
As great as photo’s are, they could have never captured this moment the way that words have.